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To send DD away to ex with a empty suitcase for Christmas?

(34 Posts)
reinitindear Wed 15-Dec-10 13:15:25

DD 11 is going to her Fathers for 4 days prior to Christmas he pays nothing towards her upbringing (business in his wife's name declares a pittance for a wage) sees her only 3 times a year but still feels he has the right to comment on the clothes I send her with. He and his wife who by the way they insist DD calls Mum angry are designer clad idiots people and I shop in places I can afford after my wages have paid all the rent, food, bills etc. So would it be unreasonable to either send an empty case or last years too small clothes?

TheParasiteofChristmasPast Wed 15-Dec-10 13:18:29

yabu - but it does make my blood boil when these nob heads think they are so clever hiding money so they can't provide for their children.

Emo76 Wed 15-Dec-10 13:18:39

Are you serious? Why would you send your daughter without clothes / clothes which don't fit just to try to make a point to your ex? Appreciate your frustration with his lack of contribution but that would be awful for your daughter and very mean.

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 15-Dec-10 13:18:49

Not in the slightest, as long as she is complicit.

fibernachi Wed 15-Dec-10 13:20:07

I understand your anger and frustration but you WBU to use your daughter as a weapon.

PuppyMonkey Wed 15-Dec-10 13:21:00

Well, I wouldn't send her full stop. Stuff him.

mumbar Wed 15-Dec-10 13:27:03

I'd be tempted to do it as you DD is 11 so can probably stand up for herself.

I'd want her to tell them she refused to bring any of her clothes as they always moan about them so they can buy her the pricey ones they approve of. grin

Please don't actually do it though OP!!!

The maintenence thing is unfair on you and DD as is the forcing her to call her Mum.

YANBU to feel this way.

reinitindear Wed 15-Dec-10 13:27:07

It was DDs idea emo she said she is fed up of them looking at where the clothes are from and suggesting other shops. She said she would pretend she had picked up the wrong case and then they would have to buy her clothes. She is getting to the age now where she is seeing through them and don't think she will want to go to them for much longer anyway.

chipmonkey Wed 15-Dec-10 13:31:46

They insist they call his dp Mum?shock
If it's dd's idea, fire away!

socialhandgrenade Wed 15-Dec-10 13:41:18

Your DD sounds fab. Has she got the confidence to be assertive and tell them she doesn't appreciate their comments? They sound horrible and they might just be mean about her "mistake" in taking the wrong suitcase and just make her wear the too small clothes, or worse, the same clothes. It would be great if they did by her some cool clothes, but they don't sound like they actually would. I feel really cross for your DD.

santasbluebaubles Wed 15-Dec-10 13:58:18

Love your DDs idea grin

Don't do anything. When DD decides she no longer wants to stay with a father who criticises her clothes and refuses to support her you will have your silent revenge smile

MadamDeathstare Wed 15-Dec-10 13:58:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumbar Wed 15-Dec-10 13:59:37

Oh, reinitin. Definatly do it then if your DD says so. <bit worried my mind works like an 11yos!>

Your DD sounds fab and very well adjusted so you've done well there.

BertieBottlesOfMulledWine Wed 15-Dec-10 14:07:13

She sounds great I guess they'll probably buy her new clothes but not let her take them home again.

XP's girlfriend went through a weird phase of changing DS' clothes as soon as he arrived and changing them back before he was sent back. He doesn't go overnight. I only found out the full story from XMIL who said it was because they thought I never washed DS' clothes hmm apparently she told them not to be so disrespectful of me and not to speak ill of me in her house blush Oh yes, and they get DS to call her "Mummy" as well. angry

BertieBottlesOfMulledWine Wed 15-Dec-10 14:07:56

um, XP's girlfriend, not XMIL - she's nanny.

FrostyAndSlippery Wed 15-Dec-10 14:10:09

Poor girl certainly sounds like she will stop wanting to visit soon.

welshbyrd Wed 15-Dec-10 14:14:04

could send with a suitcase of clothes, and maybe when they phone to complain, say sorry must have picked up suitcase full that was meant for the charity shop, was clearing her cupboards, ready for her new xmas clothes?

Flisspaps Wed 15-Dec-10 14:15:18

Poor DD. Great idea though, I think you should let her do it smile

She should just start calling OW by her first name as well, drop the whole Mum thing. Sounds like she has the cojones to do it, go DD!

twopeople Wed 15-Dec-10 14:15:19

Message withdrawn

curlymama Wed 15-Dec-10 14:16:07

It would be unreasonable, but you know that.

I would be temped to send two days worth of her nicest clothes, including what she is wearing when she goes. Then if they question why she hasn't got enough, she can tell them that she only wanted to wear her best things to see them. It might make them feel guilty enough to take her shopping. If they don't offer to take her shopping, get her to spill stuff on the clothes, so they are forced to wash them.

I feel your pain, I have had issues with the contents of the suitcase when my two go to their Dad's too, even though we actually get on quite well.

welshbyrd Wed 15-Dec-10 14:17:30

suitcase of clothes to small for her,i meant, sorry, had shitty day today, being accused of trying to steal a bag of sausage rolls, had them of top on buggy [ had not even paid for my items] baby was going nuts, and its just been one of those days

twopeople Wed 15-Dec-10 14:17:52

Message withdrawn

mjinsparklystockings Wed 15-Dec-10 14:17:55

Message withdrawn

welshbyrd Wed 15-Dec-10 14:19:29

And agree DD should not be encouraged forced into calling OW MUM, id be furious.

welshbyrd Wed 15-Dec-10 14:20:53

really good idea mjinsparklystocks, let them feel as small, as they have made DD feel each visit.

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