to think I should make my ex now take me to court to see the kids after recieving this text from him..

[Ladyanonymous]

Ex asked me a week ago if he could see the kids boxing day from 2pm I told him if he wanted to see them he would need to pick them up in the monring as I had plans (picking up my partners kids from airport and others 150 miles away need collecting). He refused to comprimise so I said fine don't bother having them then. He will not see them at all during the holidays. Its his weekend to have them NYE w/e although we "take it in turns" on NYE so he has told me he'll be picking them up on the Saturday rather than the Friday (hasn't stated a time) and has told me he won't be having them on the Sunday night and Bank Holiday Monday instead either.

Kids are upset about not seeing him so I asked if he could have them from 12 noon as a comprimise - he has flat refused and has said if I want him to have them next year on boxing day I'll need to let him know now .

I said fine you'll need to have them NYE then as that is your agreed access night, and theres no guarentee you're not going to dick me about next year anyway and fufill your part of the bargain.

I've said they really want to see you so you either need to have them boxing day or have them the extra night new years eve w/e as we would like to go away. He replied "As I have already said I am away for xmas (he hasn't said that at all - and hes told the kids hes staying at home) and it is too late to change my plans. As for New Year I am away as it is not my year to have the kids. If you drop them on my doorstep you will be abandoning them and my neighbours will phone the police. If you choose not to be there on the Sunday when I drop them back then I will have to phone social services (I work for Childrens Services so am aware this is bollocks) and inform them that you have abandoned them as you are not home for the kids. Now stop texting me, if you send me ONE more text I won't bother picking them up from school tomorrow."

AIBU to want to go round there and rip his fucking head off kill him or now just deny him access.

Either way the kids miss out

[BusyMisstletoeIzzy]

It sounds like his children are very low on his list of priorities. :( and for you, and them.

[pjmama]

Reply with "Don't bother then and you'll be hearing from my solicitor in the New Year. Merry Xmas".

If access arrangements can't be amicably flexible, then they need to be set in stone and adhered to to the letter. Your kids need to know when they are seeing their father and not have it chopped and changed about it suit.

[taintedsnow]

He sounds like he's looking for a way out from being a father. Which is both extremely sad and fucking shameful.

Denying him access would be giving him exactly what he apparently seems to want. You wouldn't be wrong to get contact stipulated through a solicitor though, and that's probably what I'd do tbh.

[pjmama]

to suit. (not it suit)

[GlynistheMincePie]

You ANBU to want to do that to him, wnat some help?

Working within the sector then you will be well aware that his threat of calling S-S and telling them you have abandoned them is both hollow (assuming he has parental responsibility )and childish.

Leave him a few hours/until tomorrow and call him, ask him which time he is going to see his children.

Good luck

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

I'm not sure I understand why he can't pick them up at 2pm boxing day.Why do you need to pick up your partner's children at the expense your children seeing their Dad?

[Ladyanonymous]

Because I am taking the kids to the airport at with me to collect my partners son and tbh I am pretty sick of him dictating when he will and won't have the kids and reigning on what hes agreed depending on what hes doing with his new partner and her kids and he can fit in with me really and I am always prepared to comprimise - just not run my life around him as he is an ex for a very good reason.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

sorry if my tone came over a bit brusque

[GypsyMoth]

I would attempt mediation before court as the judge won't be impressed with all that presented in front of him in family court

[hairyfairylights]

He is a dick but you would hurt your kids if you did so yabu.

[iwastooearlytobeayummymummy]

fair do's, he sounds charming yanbu

[Truckulent]

It does come across as a bit tit-for-tat.

[Ladyanonymous]

TBH I can't see how its tit for tat. I am now not prepared to do him a favour by having them when he should be as they have asked to see him over xmas and hes too busy.

As their mother am I expected to bend over backwards at all costs to suit his needs when he does jack to help me when school is closed because of snow, they are ill etc etc etc.....

[Blu]

Poor kids. Driving 150 miles to the airport in Boxing day - is that one way, or the round trip?
tbh it sounds as if your kids come second to everyone else's arrangements, and are being used to fight battles. You only want him to have them the extra night at NY so you can go away (without them, presumably?) They won't see him on Boxing day because you are driving them to pick up your partners kids...

I agree it is unreasonable of him not to be able to pick them upearlier on Boxing day.

[Ladyanonymous]

Thats 150 miles each way.

I really really resent that comment Blu - my kids are always the top of my priorities - the flight was arranged MONTHS ago and I said I would collect him thinking the kids would come with me and he (my ex) asked 1 week ago and it clashes with the plane time.

Why should I not plan a weekend away when my kids would normally be at their dads?

[Ladyanonymous]

To get the other kids is 150 miles each way and my partner is getting them not to the airport the airport is in the opposite direction and is 40 mins away....

[Blu]

I think I'm confused...so you're NOT driving your kids on a 300 mile round trip?

Be resentful - this is AIBU!

[Ladyanonymous]

No no I'm not - my partner is collecting two of his kids and driving 300 miles to get them - I am going to the airport 40 mins away to get his son, which was arranged months ago.

Sorry - just really pissed off for my kids. If I am honest it would also have been nice to have a night alone with my OH before we have 6 kids for a week .

[Blu]

Oh, sorry, I was feeling really sorry for them being dragged on a 300 mile trip - Boxing day sounds busy!

[Xenia]

The law does not allow a child to force the other parent to have any contact at all. So if you do not agree tow hat he says he may just choose never to see them which might be less helpful to you and not be what the children want either.

For those of us who have our children 365 days a year and work full time we know that it's possible to arrange childcare so if he isn't going to be around say at New Year or you're working a night shift on Christmas or whatever your situation say a business tirp of mine abroad leaving here at 4am no reason why he can't bhave to arrange and hire and pay for a daily nanny or child care or advertise for someone to look after them during his time when he is busy or working. No need fo r him to talk about abandoning them at atll. If you can't agree arrangements you need to fix one whcih never changes and then if you ore he can't make it then you find a nanny pay the cost and take the financial hit.

[Ladyanonymous]

We do have an arrangement within our divorce agreement but its not inforceable as dads cannot be made to see their kids :(

[QuintessentialShadows]

And there is no way you can drop your dc off to their father on the way to the airport to pick up your partners child?

I find it a bit odd, that your kids dont get to see their father, because they have to come with you to the airport to pick up your partners kids. Is that really in your dcs best interest?

[GypsyMoth]

sorry,but i have seen posts from you where you have indicated problems....big ones,with your dp.....why are his dc coming before your own here?

[hairyfairylights]

quite ILoveTIFFANY

[A1980]

I kind of agree with QuintessentialShadows and IloveTiffany.

Why can't your DP arrange a pick up of his children from the airport? Can't he do it?

Go to a solicitor if you want but I speak from experience that I think a Judge will take a very harsh view of you not being able to arrange contact between your DC's and their father over the Christmas period becasue of arrangements with your partner's children. What is he doing on Christmas day? Your partner should go and get them.