To not want BIL to know I'm pregnant and be devastated he's coming for Xmas

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

Oh god.
I've posted about him before, luckily he lives abroad so we don't have to cross paths too much.
He's a complete narcissist/mysogynist an has a very ugly very scary manipulative streak. He hates me and becomes obsessed with bullying me very cleverly when he visits (he will do things when we are left in a room alone like spitting in my tea, throwing rubbish at me etc)
he is just an out and out bad person.
He as decided he will come to PIL for Xmas - well at first he said he would only come to our house 90 miles away from PIL, I said no immediately.
I can get around him at Xmas- I will spend Xmas eve, Xmas morning and boxing day with my family.
Both PIL and DH know what he does now after witnessing a nasty incident where he called me a bimbo whore with shit for brains. So I know I have some support.
Anyway, I'm 7 weeks pregnant and we were planning to tell out families at Xmas- thought it would be lovely etc etc :(
I don't want him to know. I just know he will turn it into a living hell for me.
It's mad because I was never bullied as a child and have always stuck up for myself but since DH told me BIL was coming I've been so stressed- my hands were shaking and sweating and it's started again now I've started writing about it.

[NoelEdmondshair]

Tell DH you will not be seeing his brother this Xmas.

[rubyslippers]

He sounds horrific

YANBU

[RockinRobinBird]

Probably not what you want to hear but I wouldn't be going anywhere that this man is. I would decamp to my parents for the whole of Christmas if I could and then break the baby news at new year. He sounds a complete bastard. I feel for you :(

[AlpinePony]

You're a grown up. You're allowed to choose who you spend time with. This is not rocket science. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

[ApocalypseCheeseToastie]

Fucking hell,i'm sorry but I think your dh is an arse for expecting you to spend more than a second in the same room as the man

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

It's just so sad - I have a fantastic relationship with PIL, they always say how happy they are I'm in their lives and call me the daughter they never had. Now I can't see them :(

[mistletoekisses]

Refuse to see him and don't have him in your house. If he is this nasty to you, then you have every right to demand that DH supports you on this point.

Tell your DH how you feel, tell him what you have put in your OP and that this is not up for discussion.

Congrats on the pregnancy BTW!

[MeUnscrabbly]

Have you told your dh about all the things he's done to you?

[StealthPolarBear]

Your DH and PIL know he is like this to you and yet do nothing and expect you to spend time with him??

[StealthPolarBear]

is it DH's brother or his sister's husband?

[waitwhat]

Dont go, no one should have that done to them. If both PIL and DH have witnessed this then they should understand AND BE ON YOUR SIDE

[DamselInDisgrace]

You may as well draw a line in the sand now. I can't imagine that you're going to want this man around your child in future, so it's likely to be a recurring issue.

Spend Christmas with your family and arrange to see your PILs when BIL wont be around.

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

Yep DH and PIL know everything after I broke down a couple of years ago after he left after a visit. They all understand that I will not be spending any time with him and that I will not be with them for Xmas now. My family live near his so I will pop over on Xmas afternoon for 2-3 hours to exchange presents

[waitwhat]

Ignore the rouge capitals above

[thisismyboomstick]

Not sure how helpful this is, but if I found out my bother was treating dp anything like this, even if only occasionally, then I would have f*cking decked him.

[StealthPolarBear]

If it's his brother he needs to be saying "You are vile. Stay away from me and my wife"

[lal123]

Why haven't PILs or your DP told BIL that his behaviour is unacceptable? Why is it you that has to avoid PILs??

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

Thanks for the congrats btw- very very happy as we didn't think we could have children.
Sorry he is dh's brother (and only sibling)

[waitwhat]

rogue not rouge..I have typed before i promise lol

Grats on your pregnancy by the way

[Ladyofthehousespeaking]

Shite sorry I'm drip feeding here! MIL has told him categorically that his behaviour towards me is unacceptable and he had to apologise (he didn't)
he doesn't even bring presents for anyone - the last time he came he announced his present for everyone is his being there..twat.

[nextchapter]

YANBU if DH and PIL are fully aware of how he behaves to you then they should also be aware of your feelings about him and it is unreasonable of you DH to expect you to be around him at all. Your health and your unborn DC health must come first and you being stressed out about seeing him will do neither of you any good. Your DH should not only respect this but be totally aware of it and putting it first.

Has your DH asked his brother why he is like this to you?

[honeybeetree]

I wouldn't let him onto the doorstep let alone bloody into it. I wouldn't want to spend 5 mins with him.... He sounds vile... Could you hold off on telling the family about the pregnancy until after he is gone?
Congtats about the pregnancy too BTW

[didldidi]

why has he picked on you?

[izzywizzywoowooo]

What a twat. What did you husband say to him? If a relative of my family treated someone I was with like that, they would be told to apologise and make an effort or never contact me ever again.

It's Xmas, you've just found out your expecting. Do not see him, he will just fuck it up for you at a time when you should be immensely happy.