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xmas difficulties

(33 Posts)
textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 00:40:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 01:08:44

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BerylStreep Sun 12-Dec-10 01:13:15

I suppose it all depends on what sort of relationship you have. I have been shopping with my Mum, and if I see something I adore I would say, 'I'm not pressurising you, but if you were looking for inspiration for my birthday, I would love this.'

Mum would prefer to get something I really like. and I know she wouldn't be offended by my suggestion.

ShanahansRevenge Sun 12-Dec-10 01:14:48

Why would you be dissapointed? You're not a child I assume? Peresnts for adults at Christmas are blessing not something you can expect to be something you want particularly.

You could in future suggest she spends less...but unless she asks you directly what you want you cannot say anything without appearing grabby.

greenbananas Sun 12-Dec-10 01:23:01

textfan, it sounds to me like the actual present is not the issue - more the fact that your mum does not really think about what you would like. I don't have any advice, just wanted to say YANBU.

would it be worth talking to her? what do you think? not sure how I would phrase it though... maybe somebody will have some ideas...

textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 01:40:06

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textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 01:59:04

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werewolf Sun 12-Dec-10 02:02:43

You're not alone! My bil and sil always get me gifts with no thought behind them at all. I'd rather get nothing, or an Oxfam goat. At least it'd be nice for somebody.

werewolf Sun 12-Dec-10 02:03:15

What does she say when she sees you're disappointed?

textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 02:04:52

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textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 02:26:53

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werewolf Sun 12-Dec-10 02:36:16

Could you go go out with her for a coffee and tell her a story about a 'friend' who has a problem with her husband. He never listens etc.

Might be too close to home. hmm

Or explain it to an understanding member of your family who your mum might listen to?

textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 02:43:28

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textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 02:47:29

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textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 11:33:48

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PenelopeTitsDropped Sun 12-Dec-10 11:49:05

If it doesn't get resolved then you have to sort it out in your own mind. Accept there is no resolution, feel the pain and move on in your own mind.
I got a used two year old bottle of Estee Lauder (sp) perfume last year.grin. My parents are multi millionaires; it wasn't a money issue.
Sometimes they just don't give a shit; and (I'm 49 on Monday); it takes years to accept it.Wish I'd just cut to the chase years ago; but really only managed it since last year.

Good Luck

Gay40 Sun 12-Dec-10 11:53:41

When you open it, say "Sorry, I can't make use of this so I'm going to return it to you." and just make sure you do. Don't make excuses or apologise further. If you are at their house, don't take it home. Yes, they'll be offended. They'll get over it.

amelem Sun 12-Dec-10 12:03:07

Why don't you ring her and tell her that you have just bought the horrible thing that she has bought you. Then she will have to return it to the shops and get you something you really want.

ragged Sun 12-Dec-10 12:08:59

I had this problem with my mother, it was never resolved (sigh). I am very fussy and she had very different...er, taste from me, anyway. Some of the stuff she sent was truly comical.
My dad and I don't exchange gifts and it's bliss! We are both too old to want people to buy us gifts, anyway.

shadycharacter Sun 12-Dec-10 12:40:00

I have this with MIL.

I would soooo rather she just got me a card, no present. I'm useless at hiding my feelings and I have to open my gift in front of her in her house.

She hands it to me and I'm thinking <what the hell is it going to be this year?! Just keep smiling.>

I peel back the wrapping <what the fuck IS it? No, please don't let it be another 2 for £5 dress thingy or another pair of spongebob slippers> (yes really)

Hold it up to admire <Jesus Christ what was she THINKING!>

"Thanks, it's lovely" hmm

Anyway, that doesn't help you OP. The only solution I've come up with so far is to feign illness so I stay home and she sends my pressie back with DP then I can just sigh and put it to one side.

textfan Sun 12-Dec-10 14:22:18

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healthyElfy Sun 12-Dec-10 14:49:43

Not that it matters,but what is it?

asdx2 Sun 12-Dec-10 14:56:48

Receive it graciously and then ebay and buy something you'd have liked from her.

jollyoldstnickschick Sun 12-Dec-10 14:58:05

Im not going to be popular here sad.

Its Christmas.

you know youre gonna get a crap present,youve been subtle youve been unsubtle=live with it.

I have no family to buy me crap gifts.

LittlePickleHead Sun 12-Dec-10 16:01:38

My DM is completely and utterly lovely. However she buys me the WORST presents, and I too feel bad that she has spend money on things I will never, ever, use (nor am able to 'regift'!)

I should say something but don't want to hurt her feelings as on the contrary to OP, I think she puts quite a lot of thought into them. She just gets it spectacularly wrong.

I've tried telling her the kind of thing I like, but she says 'oooh I thought I'd get this because it's so unique and you can't get it down south'

Bless her...

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