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To want some time out from the inlaws over xmas

(9 Posts)
asphyxia Sat 11-Dec-10 18:41:25

This year will be very different from previous years on several levels. Me and DH work shifts so usually we have xmas day, boxing day and new years day off. We would both work til 2am xmas morning, go to PILs about 8am til about 10pm, have boxing day to ourselves then new years day with PIL after him finishing work at 2am and me finishing work at 6am. This year I'm on maternity leave and DH is off xmas day, boxing day, NYE night from 7pm and new years day. He wants to spend xmas day, boxing day and new years day with his parents. Since this is our first xmas as parents, I was looking forward to starting our own little traditions as our own family. If my family lived closer, I would expect our time to be split 50/50 between families or even 30/30/40 between families and ourselves so AIBU to not want it to be 100% his family? It's already annoying me that his parents think seeing their granddaughter once a week is not enough but my parents have only seen her when they came to visit for 3 days. Thanks for reading and sorry for the rambling but it's been going round and round my head and probably getting a little jumbled.

pommedeterre Sat 11-Dec-10 18:54:43

I think you are definitely not being un reasonable wanting time away from people who whilst now are your family are not your parents.
I would suggest you choose between boxing day and NYE, come up with a plan for it for just your little family and stick fast with your dh that this is the plan you want for this day.
How come your parents have only managed the journey once? Can you not get to them?
PILS once a week would be overkill for me but mine live about 3 hours away and see dd once every 6 weeks (but normally for 2-3 days at a time).

saffy85 Sat 11-Dec-10 20:22:25

YANBU. I'm all for making time for family at christmas but imo that includes your own little family unit too. Your inlaws have a good deal seeing their GC every week unlike your parents. I'd insist on compromise if I were you. Otherwise it'll always be assumed this is how christmas will be spent.

northerngirl41 Sat 11-Dec-10 21:38:57

Well if he wants to see them that much, why not let him go and spend time with them? You put your feet up, open a box of choccies and catch up on a sofa snooze!

We have occasional spats about this too - my usual response is that my time is my own, I'll decide what I do with it. He can't hijack my holiday with his family, any more than I would hijack his with mine (and believe me, if I did that, he would HATE it!!!).

I'd probably encourage him to take DD with him so you don't end up babysitting and tied to the house whilst he gads about. Win:win!!

Firawla Sat 11-Dec-10 22:37:47

definitely sort it out this yr so that you dont set a precident and the next year they start complaining "but we always see gdd for xmas day, boxing day and new years day" then they will feel u are taking it away from them, if you keep it within a normal limit from this yr it will set the standard

FortunateHamster Sat 11-Dec-10 22:41:39

YANBU. Would drive me potty. I like to see family but need a bit of me-(well, me/dh/ds) time too.

Tw1nkle Sat 11-Dec-10 22:43:58

It's a difficult one isn't it?!?!

I'm in the same position (you might have seen my earlier post?!?)

We're spending christmas day at home, then boxing day at PIL's. DH is happy with that thankfully.

My PIL's see my DD at least every two weeks - which i think is pretty good, considering I have to work 3 days a week, weekends are family time (Me, DH & DD), so that only leaves me with 2 days a week, quality time with my daughter - which they take oneof those days eevry two weeks!

I'm pleased my DD gets on with them so well though, and I do encourage them to see her.

I do ffel like I have to accomodate the PIL's ALL YEAR, and Christmas day should be our own.

Hope it all works out for you.

TechnoKitten Sat 11-Dec-10 22:47:05

Actually I think you are being a little unreasonable. Christmas is a time for family and, like it or not, your DH was an integral part of your PIL's family before he became part of yours.

I would suggest splitting it so dec 25/26 are with one set of parents and dec 31/Jan 1 with the other set. Then alternate? It's not your PIL's fault that your parents live further away and don't see your daughter as much - and it's understandable they'd want to see her frequently if they live close enough.

(I would be overjoyed if my mother in law lived close enough to visit us weekly - as would she!)

asphyxia Sat 11-Dec-10 23:16:24

My parents would have to book holiday off work to come see us and at the moment we can't afford the journey to go see them. They had planned to visit in november but my mum's been off sick. Hopefully we will get together before I go back to work next year.

I also feel guilty for telling MIL we could not afford to buy them the turkey this year after DH had already told her we would. Made a compromise to buy some veg though. I try very hard to keep in mind that PIL are DDs flesh and blood family but it's hard when it gets forgotten that she has other family too.

I had thought about telling DH to go on his own one day but since I'm bf he couldn't take DD with him. On the plus side that always gives me the chance to sneak away for lying down feeds. And any plans for boxing day will have to be arranged around me getting to look around the sales grin I guess that makes the plans ok.

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