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to be sick of my son being the "good boy" ???

(89 Posts)
goodboy Sat 11-Dec-10 10:40:47

and having to sit with the kids who need real help, and having to give up his lunch choice for some kid who had a tantrum about her lunch and getting nits from sitting to the disadvantaged kid.

I know its not her choice to have nits, but it irks that it's always him who has to be kind and patient.

BoysAreLikeDogs Sat 11-Dec-10 10:43:00

how do you know this?

goodboy Sat 11-Dec-10 10:43:35

Because he tells me?

DoNotWantToBeGoogled Sat 11-Dec-10 10:45:05

God yeah it must be so frustrating have a child who is kind and patient. Why not put him into care so he can get nits?

APixieInMyTea Sat 11-Dec-10 10:45:24

So only disadvantaged kids get nits?

altinkum Sat 11-Dec-10 10:46:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

samay Sat 11-Dec-10 10:46:50

Message withdrawn

mistletoeploppy Sat 11-Dec-10 10:47:40

Yikes, I think you could have phrased your OP a little better <puts on flameproof suit>

BoysAreLikeDogs Sat 11-Dec-10 10:47:58


two things

you need to find out what is happening from school - what if he offered to give up his lunch rather than had it taken from him, for eg

nits are disrespectful, they don't care if they infect naice children or 'disadvantaged' ones (your word)

APixieInMyTea Sat 11-Dec-10 10:49:28

It's nice that your son is the 'Good Boy' and that he wants to help (does he want to help?) and yes you should be proud of him but that sentence about getting nits from sitting next to the "disadvantaged kid" really got on my tits.

He could've got the nits from any number of children, disadvantaged or not.

gorionine Sat 11-Dec-10 10:49:32

I find your nit concern a bit ridiculous as no matter what some children do get nits should they sit with the "disadvantaged children" or not.

But I agree with you that it is a bit unfair to use a child as backup to teach less able children. Every now and then it is OK and most certqinly not damageable but constantly , no, he should not have to do it.Having to give up his lunch? can you explain that one more?

waitwhat Sat 11-Dec-10 10:51:02

stops ds1 itching Shit! I'm disadvantaged? someone should of told me the nits were class snobs.

Why not just ask for your son to be moved?..Simple

TottWriter Sat 11-Dec-10 10:52:04

APixie, all children get nits, but it tends to be the ones disadvantaged in the sense that their parents don't give a rat's arse who keep them.

My mum worked as an LSA when we were growing up, and one poor girl she worked with had them so bad that you could see them crawling around at a distance. Her parents did nothing.

To the OP, I think you should be both proud that your DS is so good, and angry at the school if they are using him as teaching support. All children deserve an equl opportunity, and this includes an equal opportunity to enjoy their lunch hour. If he really is giving up his own time to help others then they need to get their act together and organise themselves better. But I would send in feelers first to make sure he isn't exaggerating things, as children do occasionally spin things out of proportion.

You can't really copmlain that he's gettting nits from sitting next to the disadvantaged kid though. I mean, in a classroom, someone will be sitting next to "that" child (I hate the stereotype but there always are poor children whose parent's just don't give a damn sad) Would you prefer that they just lumped all the disadvantaged kids together in a classroom ghetto?

TottWriter Sat 11-Dec-10 10:53:34

Oh good grief, how many typos and incorrect apostrophes in that post! Sorry, I can be more literate than that, I promise!

cubbie Sat 11-Dec-10 10:54:39

i have sympathy for you, OP.

I can only say, that as a teacher, your son's teacher probably sta him there as a role model, calming influence and possibly as someone who could help the child on an odd occasion if they were stuck.

I know lots of teachers who do this, myself included, although I can certainly understand why you would be getting fed up.

I've often had parents contact me, saying they don't want their child to sit beside so-and-so because of nits etc. I then discreetly move them, and move a few others as well, so that the attention is deflected.

I'd get in touch with the teacher in the first instance and find out exaclty what's going on.

(DON'T contact the HT firts, let the class teacher deal with initially, we get really ticked off when people go straight to the HT, although, sometimes, of course, it's necessary and appropriate.)

You are perfectly within your rights to request/insist that your ds sits somewhere else.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

APixieInMyTea Sat 11-Dec-10 10:56:16

hmm at tottwriter I know all children get nits, if you read my second post. It's the way op has made it sound like he only caught the nits from sitting next to the "disadvantaged kid" when quite clearly we all know he could've caught them from any child.

Yes some mothers don't give a shit but how do we know the child the op is talking about falls into this "category" so to speak. It might be the mohair hasn't noticed and sorted her out as soon as she did?

Alouiseg Sat 11-Dec-10 10:58:18

This happened at my ds' primary school, eventually I had the conversation with the teacher. She admitted it was a form of crowd control. A table of naughty kids becomes unmanageable so they spread the "good" children around to add some calm. This was at a private school so plenty of brats who's parents were in absolute denial about how badly their children really behaved!

APixieInMyTea Sat 11-Dec-10 10:58:33

But as I also said in my 2nd post.

Op-your son sounds lovely and you should be proud of him. But if he's fed up of being the class role model then either him or you need to talk to the teacher about it. They are not going to know otherwise.

Ephiny Sat 11-Dec-10 10:59:03

I don't really understand most of these complaints? Do you mean he has to sit next to 'disadvantaged' children during lessons, or at lunch? Or both? Because that just sounds like a normal (non-private) school to me, unless you're really suggesting they segregate the children by social class or parental income? And as people have pointed out, even nice middle-class kids get nits!

I don't understand why you're complaining about him 'having to be' kind and patient? I would have thought that was a good thing and to be encouraged by both school and parents? confused

As for the lunch thing, if there's some reason he's not able to get a lunch that suits him, maybe you could have a word with the school? Maybe send him with a packed lunch if it can't be resolved?

TottWriter Sat 11-Dec-10 11:01:39

APixie, I was aiming more along the lines that he probably did get the nits from the child he's sitting next to as there is a reliable close contact, and the fact that while other children get nits (yikes, I know I had them loads at school) most parents are on the case pretty quickly to stop it spreading. This poor child, if they have nits on a long term basis, had probably got parents who are pretty apathetic and haven't resolved the issue.

Sorry, my post was probably intended more as an eye opener to the OP than you. I always do that, I start off with something in my head then only type out half of it or go off on a tangent, my bad. I've probably done it again now...

APixieInMyTea Sat 11-Dec-10 11:05:53

tottwriter it's ok. I go off course a lot too. Anyway what I was trying to say is yes he probably did get them off this child this time bit if he didn't he could've got them off any other child at any other time regardless of social class.

gorionine Sat 11-Dec-10 11:06:12

Ephiny, I do not think the mixing of children is the real issue here , just the fact that a child because he is "good" should not be used as a class help, he is there to learn, not to teach/contain other pupils in his class.
My understanding about the lunch is not thatr he cannot find something he likes but that he is asked to halp other children when he should be having his lunch.

gorionine Sat 11-Dec-10 11:06:37

Sorry for typos!

SantasMooningArse Sat 11-Dec-10 11:10:10

Ignoring the nits nit (big plaud of asd = kids who rarely get close enough to anyone LOL), I can see your point about the kdis who need real help but I don;t think you pharsed it well. my kids in school (I have one NT one as well, younger) all need levels of help and would not expect that to fall on any one child. In fact if i thought it did (I suspect i;d be the last to know) then I would raise it with school.

It'as the teacher at fault here though: your boy is clearly a great kid and she's taking advantage. Have a word- if the kids need help then you're doing them a favour as school or lea (dependent on level needed) have a duty to provide, and afaik that isn't meant to mean a child- though ds2 has ben used to help ds1 far too often and it's one reason I am trying to separate them at comp level.

But from the persepctive of the Mum of the kid who needs help, I wuld be absolutely grateful to your ds for his kind nature, and if you ahd a word I would try and back your son as much as I could.

masochismTangoer Sat 11-Dec-10 11:11:03

I don't understand why you're complaining about him 'having to be' kind and patient? I would have thought that was a good thing and to be encouraged by both school and parents?

If her son is constantly being sat next to disruptive DC - then I can see why she would be frustrated. I remember this happening to me a lot as a DC - one boy just never shut up or sit still and I struggled to concentrate. When my parents mentioned it to school they were told I would have to learn to cope. Later in life I was diagnosed with dyslexia - my parents later found out this teacher had suspected but said nothing to them - so basically I was already known to be struggling and had things made much harder for me as I was quiet and well behaved.

OP if it is upsetting your son I would talk to his teacher and explain that it is having this effect.

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