Advanced search

To not want to give or receive presents from adults

(24 Posts)
JJ17 Sat 11-Dec-10 01:17:27

I spend about £200 - £250 on both my DSs. I have an agreement with my friends not to buy for each other or each others kids as we genuinely can only afford to buy for our own kids.

My parents are in their late 70s and they are coming to us for lunch. They have pleaded with me not to buy them cardies or jam, said they are delighted with lunch and a comfortable atmosphere. They will buy for my kids but not for me - at my genuine agreement. I dont want stuff either!

My kids have asked what I want and I have said bubble bath and chocolates.

It just feels kinda weird!

MrManager Sat 11-Dec-10 01:48:23

YABU to claim that you can't afford presents for anyone else!

You can spend £250 on 2 kids but can't get at least something for your parents?! shock

NadiaWadia Sat 11-Dec-10 01:53:17

MrManager her parents asked her not to.

MrManager Sat 11-Dec-10 02:07:29

Every 70y/o asks that, "oh, don't worry about me, I'm fine, it's about the kids", etc.

I still think OP could get them a £10 present each at least.

JJ17 Sat 11-Dec-10 02:14:51

I certainly can afford it but they say "oh, we are Scottish, it's all about New Year for us".

I buy them presents all through the year, books they want, treats, jams. I offer them to come on holiday with us, they just can't be arsed.

MrManager Sat 11-Dec-10 02:16:42

Still, if they're coming over, a bottle of wine or a selection of preserves would be nice just so they have something to unwrap. Or something ostensibly from the kids, some framed photos maybe.

cate16 Sat 11-Dec-10 02:19:10

Totally agree. We're not exactly hard up- but we've stopped buying adult pressies as such. If I want something for myself I buy it, I don't want to wait until chrismas morning for it.....only to find it's not quite the right colour/size/ or object of desire!!! Gone are the days when Christmas was the only time you had new things, therefore it should be about children. Adults can have a good company and a social occasion, no need for presents.
My mum (in her 80s) has asked for 'bits that my dad can't buy her', things like cleansing wipes, body lotions etc all a couple of pound each - but it's what she wants/needs, so token gifts really.

JJ17 Sat 11-Dec-10 02:26:51

I do every year feel guilty and "crack" and give my Dad a huge haul of 2nd hand books from the charity shop (he goes through about 4 a week and puts them in the bin or on his garden wall for passersby when he's finished with them) and some very fancy chocolates for Mum.

And Mum cracks and gives me some perfume.

But I know that Dad just gets all my books anyway, I have a bad book "habit" too and Mum "re-gifts" all her perfume to me anyway.

We have just said to each other this year "relax, come and eat with us".

I have a desperate urge to buy jam though!

JJ17 Sat 11-Dec-10 02:32:56

I think, on reflection, MrManager has a point. It's not about cash. But I can give them some framed new school photos, which I have just bought for Mum and the usual haul of charity shop books for Dad.

He is an addict, and doesn't appreciate new books!

SeaTrek Sat 11-Dec-10 08:40:07


I have no interest in recieving presents at Christmas (and haven't had since I was in my late teens). It is only relatively recently that I have fully formed my opinion that I don't really like to give to other adults at this time either or even children other than my own.

I much prefer to give people treats throughout the year and make a fuss about birthdays. It honestly has very little to do with money. I just see the majority of present swapping at Christmas as irritating and slightly stressful.

belgo Sat 11-Dec-10 08:42:58

JJ17 - how old are your children? Can you get them to make something for your parents? This is what I do, and I usually give them photos of the children as well. it is nice for grandparents to receive something from eh grandchildren, and nice for the grandchildren to give something.

becaroodolf Sat 11-Dec-10 08:55:32

Completely agree with cate16

I have tried - in vain - to get my family to do this for the past few years.

I much prefer buying for dc, my nephews, my godchildren etc

I think Xmas for adults is more about time off work with family, good food, drink and good company. Not so much about toiletries from Boots smile I have very sensitive skin and without fail these (very nice) gifts go to charity.

That being said, my dc are making foodie treats for some family members this year; mince pies, fudge, minty balls etc. Could your dc do that?

I also have a "book habit" and my dad gets all the ones I have read. My dsis gives my mum bottles and bottles of perfume. This year for xmas and b day I am taking my mum to see SCD live tour in January. Dad = books!! PIL = tickets for a show next week for xmas. SIL = stuff for her new house

With my sis and BIL we do just give "tokens" but its still more than I would like to do. My sis and BIL are very well off and really dont need anything.

I am putting my foot down next xmas cards or gifts for adults....I am giving the money to charity.

Have a lovely xmas everyone x

mumto2andnomore Sat 11-Dec-10 09:00:27

I love giving and receiving presents at Chistmas, its not all about the children !I would be gutted if I had no presents to open.

TThats me though(childish !) if your parents really dont wwant any then I agree a framed photo would be lovely.

RockinRobinBird Sat 11-Dec-10 09:12:40

Sounds to me like they just don't want jam. Don't blame them...

whatdoiknowanyway Sat 11-Dec-10 09:14:46

JJ17 I have a Scottish MIL too. Usually I make her a small Christmas stocking with little useful things (notebook, magnifying glass, pen etc). This year she has clearly indicated she has enough stuff and doesn't want more.
So I am using online puzzle programs to make a personalised crossword, word search, spot the difference etc. Each will be rolled up and put in her christmas stocking. No 'stuff' to complain about but she'll know we love her and have thought about what she would like.

Gissabreak Sat 11-Dec-10 15:27:38

Message withdrawn

bensonbutnohedges Sat 11-Dec-10 16:17:42

I've just had the "What do you want for Christmas?" talk with my oldest DCs and said I don't want anything so we have agreed to focus on birthdays instead and only give presents to under 18s for Christmas. Can't see any problem with this if everyone agrees. I don't need a present from my DCs to know that they love me.

mitochondria Sat 11-Dec-10 16:37:05

I have this agreement with my family. I don't get them anything, they don't get us anything (although they do buy a present for the children).

My mum is cooking Christmas lunch for us this year, so we will go with wine, whisky and posh chocolates.

I only wish I could persuade in-laws to do the same - they buy us stuff we don't want or need, and we do the same for them.

grumpypants Sat 11-Dec-10 16:49:31

Well, dd (who now has an allowance) is sooo excited about buying me and her dad something that I am really looking forward to opening it. A friend and I have an agreement to 'do each other' at Christmas, and we do grandparents and partners plus child free godparents of our dcs.
I don't agree that xmas is all about the children; this tends to translate to 'showering the kids with presents'. I think it is about family, and about opening thoughtful gifts from and to each other as part of a day.

Ephiny Sat 11-Dec-10 17:01:25

I don't want anything either, and would be quite happy not to get presents. I really don't need or want any more 'stuff'.

Milliways Sat 11-Dec-10 17:13:30

In our family we buy for the children and our parents (but only smallish things for parents). It makes it so much easier. I see my brothers, we have meals together & a great time and we all just buy for the children. Both sets of parents always come to us, so their pressie is also Christmas lunch, tea, boxing day etc etc.

Many a year DH & I have not exchanged gifts, we normally go for something for the house between us. We are having the bathroom re-done in the New Year, so I may get him a new Towel grin

Bingtata Sat 11-Dec-10 17:22:57

Not all of us treat ourselves to things throughout the year! I genuinely look forward to getting a nice smellies, chocolate, pyjamas, socks and usually and amazon voucher for Christmas. There is only DD child wise in our family and don't think to make Christmas all about her is very healthy at all. Equally, I want her to help choose and wrap a present for others, however small, to teach her the joy of giving as well as recieving.

panettoinydog Sat 11-Dec-10 17:26:23


Adults can just buy themselves a treat if they want to and are able to.

EatingAngelPie Sat 11-Dec-10 19:14:40

YANBU though i would be BU to adopt the same approach because i love choosing presents

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: