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WTF didn't she just complain to me?

(32 Posts)
garrowismylaw Thu 09-Dec-10 11:24:32

Am fuming! School just phoned to confirm app for tmorrow re DS1 (has been arranged for weeks). I said we would be there. He then went on to say theat they had received a complaint from a parent. She claimeed she had to ask DS to leave her house immediately for swearing.
Why did she have to complain to the school? This occured after school at her house, which is about 6 houses up the street from our house. Why didn't she just knock on door and complain to me?
Am so angry....and to think I actually picked her DS up from school yesterday because she was stuck in the snow! Won't be doing that again...or AIBU?

No, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It was outside school hours, and given how close you live to her, she should have come and spoken to you directly.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 09-Dec-10 11:34:12

I can't see what the hell it has got to do with school, how weird! The only possible motive is that she wants to get your DS in trouble for some reason.

I would be stepping right back from that friendship.

Scotia Thu 09-Dec-10 11:36:05

Why on earth did the school even entertain her complaint? She should have been told it was nothing to do with school and to sort it out herself. And don't pick her child up from school again, definitely NBU!

Longtinsellyjosie Thu 09-Dec-10 11:36:11

I'd say to the school you don't want it to affect your appointment with DS, or his record, or anything, as it was outside school hours. Point out if every child had records on file for transgressions out of school they'd need an extra building for the filing cabinets.

How old is your DS? Would he have fully understand what the swearword meant?

booyhohoho Thu 09-Dec-10 11:37:37

YANBU at all!!!

nothing to do with school. and i would make a ponit of telling her. i would also make a point of telling teh school that it was no businesss of theirs and they should not be passing on the complaint.

kenobi Thu 09-Dec-10 11:38:30

How bloody WEIRD of her...

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 09-Dec-10 11:40:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

garrowismylaw Thu 09-Dec-10 11:40:23

Worst thing is after my good samaritan act I really thought it would be nice to actually make a friend IYSWIM. We see each other at school gates but only to say Hello and I thought this would be an oppurtunity to move forward. Also was excited for DS as he does have behavioural probs that school is aware of, but I was glad that he had been invited by her DS to go inside their house to play for half hour or so.
Am not negating fact that he might have sworn , feel bad about that but just wish she had not involved school. This has given them another reason to complain about him [sigh]

FindingAManger Thu 09-Dec-10 12:15:25

I don't have kids at school yet but I am amazed that the school has got involved - why wouldn't they just direct this other Mum to bring it up with you directly? WEIRD indeed!

classydiva Thu 09-Dec-10 12:16:15

Maybe she felt embarassed.

thx1138 Thu 09-Dec-10 12:26:58

Stupid woman. YANBU.

Al1son Thu 09-Dec-10 12:33:01

I would refuse to discuss this incident with the school unless they have had similar issues in school which they feel need to be brought up. It may be that she rang the school for advice rather than to complain as schools have been known to take matters into their own hands in this way before.

I would call her and say that school have informed you what happened. Apologise on your son's behalf and tell her that you'd be very happy for her to give you a call if it happens again. Once you've said your piece you can let her reaction guide you as to whether you want to continue with this friendship. If she doesn't want to meet you halfway you can back off and leave her to it.

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 09-Dec-10 12:34:21

hmm she sounds unhinged and the school shouldn't be referring to incidents that happened outside.
YADNBU.

monkeyflippers Thu 09-Dec-10 12:38:00

I wodner if maybe she just mentioned it in passing to someone at the school rather then was "reporting it". Weird that the school would then mention it to you though. How old is your son? Swearing is pretty common really (depending on age) so don't see why the school would mention it as it didn't even happen there. Why would she even mention it? All very odd.

BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Dec-10 12:39:33

How old are they? Why did she ask him to leave immediately?

I can't imagine a situation where I would ask a child to leave my house immediately because of swearing?

Odd woman.

oneortwo Thu 09-Dec-10 12:43:20

ODD
Is it possible that her DC got in trouble for swearing IN school and she (childishly and meanly) passed to buck to your son by claiming they never did that till their heard it from yours?

That is the ONLY possibility I can think of, why on earth would someone go to the school with this?

garrowismylaw Thu 09-Dec-10 12:46:12

DS is 8 her son same age.
Ds claims he was asked to leave because he said OMG. But as far as I am aware they are not a particularly religious family. So I tend to think DS did use stronger language which he has picked up from school, some of the language at school gates would turn air blue as the secondary school kids use it as a shortcut too.
So DS aware that certain words are bad.

fedupofnamechanging Thu 09-Dec-10 12:46:17

I would have to take it up with this woman and say that in future, if she has something to say you would appreciate her coming to you directly and not snitching to the school like like an overgrown child. It really is nothing to do with the school and I would not allow them to make anything of it wrt your meeting. That said, perhaps they mentioned it to you because they too think it was a sneaky thing for this parent to do and felt you ought to be aware of what she is saying behind your back.

Definitely do her no favours in the future and make it clear why.

garrowismylaw Thu 09-Dec-10 12:50:40

Thankyou...feel better for rantsmile

BalloonSlayer Thu 09-Dec-10 12:52:28

How bizarre. Why can't you just tell off a child if you don't like what they said? Casting Them Out Unto the Outer Darkness immediately, is bizarre.

DCs have an 8 year old friend who lives about six doors away. Say, just say, he was chanting "Fucking Cunt" in front of my 3 year old and refusing to stop - I guess I just might want him to leave immediately. But I'd make sure his Mother knew he was coming home so that she'd know if he hadn't arrived IYSWIM. Just making him leave would be awful. Or maybe I am too protective of 8 year olds. confused

backwardpossom Thu 09-Dec-10 12:53:32

How odd. The school I work in wouldn't even have entertained the complaint seeing as it happened outside of school. Bizarre.

If it is mentioned at the meeting, I would ask them not to mention it again as it has nothing to do with school.

GiddyPickle Thu 09-Dec-10 13:07:27

It may be that the school got involved because the neighbour's child told the teacher that his Mummy threw this boy out of the house or that his Mum says he's not allowed to play with him (or some other dramatic version of events relayed by the child to descibe what happened). They do tend to relish little dramas at that age so its not impossible it was all discussed at school amongst the children.

The school may then have asked this mother what on earth was going on to make her turf small children out of her house.

Or it may be that the boy swears a lot at school and it has been mentioned that he swears when visiting other people's houses as well and that's how they know.

I cannot for one second imagine any mother inviting a child over, hearing an offensive word and getting straight on the phone to the school to report it under any other circumstances really. The school are obvioulsy trying to demonstrate that they have built up some kind of body of evidence in some way but I doubt they got the information as a result of her making a report to the school without any prompting at all.

JamieLeeCurtis Thu 09-Dec-10 13:10:55

How very strange. I'd phone her and say what Alison suggested.

ragged Thu 09-Dec-10 13:13:29

I am painfully aware we are only hearing one side of the story.

I just wondered if OP was rather scarey to approach directly. Or maybe it wasn't just chucking the boy out but perhaps the boys fell out badly and the other lad's mum thought it best that school understood context and background to explain why the boys suddenly had lots of mutual bad feeling which could spill over into school hours. Or maybe something said gave the other mum cause for concern re child protection.

Don't take this personally OP, I obviously don't know you. I can just think of lots of small twists on this story which could explain a lot, perhaps details you aren't even aware of.

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