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MIL coming to stay

(38 Posts)
EverythingInMiniature Thu 09-Dec-10 09:55:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Katisha Thu 09-Dec-10 09:57:46

Did he know about the plans with friends?

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 09-Dec-10 09:59:24

I'd be more than pissed off at my DH if he invited his DM to stay with that little notice. He would be making all the arrangements and doing all the extra housework/shopping etc.
I can't believe that he did this knowing (presumably) that you had other plans.
I wouldn't be fussed about making a good impression either. MIL could take me as she found me. That possibly explains why she loathed me though.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 09-Dec-10 10:06:09

YANBU on two fronts.

1 - how rude of him to override the plans you have with your friends - make sure he is the one to ring and cancel.

2 - it is incredibly short notice for a first visit to your house! It wouldn't bother me if DH organised for my MIL to come at that notice now, because she has been and stayed here loads, we've known each other 6 years so it isn't a problem. But for a first visit!!!! shock

I would make a list of everything that needs cleaning, buying etc and tell him to start working his way through it. Don't fall into the trap of it all falling on you - otherwise in 20 years time you will be cursing him as he sits on his arse and does nothing to help you prepare for guests grin

EverythingInMiniature Thu 09-Dec-10 10:10:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingspare Thu 09-Dec-10 10:10:32

No, I feel your pain (remembers conversations along the lines of, 'What is your problem with my mother?' 'I don't have a problem with your mother, I have a problem with you!').

Hope it goes well.

pinkbraces Thu 09-Dec-10 10:14:47

YABVU - your partners mum wants to come and stay with you. Its his mum, not some random stranger, how much notice does he have to give to have his mum come and stay.

And heaven forbid she invites herself, string the woman up shock

Katisha Thu 09-Dec-10 10:18:34

In the light of the above it seems not so bad. They were his plans - he can cancel them. And if he hasn't seen her since Easter - well fine. (I am mother to two boys and hope that in 20 yrs I won't be perceived as a Special Case who has to be Specially Prepared For.)

SantasENormaSnob Thu 09-Dec-10 10:22:10

Let him do the cancelling and preparing.

Yanbu

LittleMissHoHoHoFit Thu 09-Dec-10 10:27:58

yep, he does the cancelling, and he does the preparing.

It'll be fine, he needs to see his mum. She might have put pressure on him, rightly, as she hasn't seen him since easter, so go with the flow.

Good luck!

Appletrees Thu 09-Dec-10 10:29:52

Yes, his mum, he can sort it. Be nice, but tbh if you've got your own plans I would sort of just go ahead with them.

EverythingInMiniature Thu 09-Dec-10 10:31:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Appletrees Thu 09-Dec-10 10:31:12

I mean, if I told my husband my mum was coming down in two day's time I wouldn't expect him to clean the house, cook, make up the spare room and cancel all or indeed any of his plans for her.

Eglu Thu 09-Dec-10 10:31:21

YANBU. It is rude to have to cancel your friends. Fair enoguh he wants to see his Mum but he could have said sorry we have plans this weekend, how about next weekend, or something.

MrManager Thu 09-Dec-10 10:32:36

YABU, it's not too little notice.

Appletrees Thu 09-Dec-10 10:35:55

ha Mr Bloke! are you a househusband?

going Thu 09-Dec-10 10:37:21

Annoying you had to cancel plans but at least you don't have too much time to stress about the visit!

DuelingFanio Thu 09-Dec-10 10:43:51

I think so long as he's doing the preparation and entertaining then it's ok.

Shaxx Thu 09-Dec-10 10:52:51

It would annoy me too but she doesn't come very often, does she?
I'd be welcoming and do my best to ensure everyone had a nice time.
I always try to treat my in laws how I'd like dh to treat my lovely family, and he's always good with them.

GreenButton Thu 09-Dec-10 11:11:32

Depends on the MIL....

If she's going to closely examine every surface for minute particles of dust and microscopic spiders webs and not only make a rude comment about then but bitch about it back home to everyone, like my MIL does then YANBU - I need a month's notice to prepare myself mentally!!

Surely your DH can cancel his pals and take some of the other guest preparation burden off you.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Thu 09-Dec-10 11:20:31

Just to add, that I am not advocating being unwelcoming or not making an effort - far from it.
Just that your DP needs to understand that there is a certain amount of work and preparation involved in having houseguests.

He should have told you immediately after she had rung, but also he should have said 'yes it would be lovely to see you Mum, let me just check with EverythinginMiniature that we don't have anything else on and I will ring you back'. Which is what we do with any kind of last minute plans - it is only polite.

blackeyedsusan Thu 09-Dec-10 11:30:07

It is very short notice to organise a visit, so get dp to do it as he thinks it is a good idea. give him a list. if you don't have stuff in when mil comes make a point of apologising nicely and say that dh hasn't organised the extra shopping trip, you did your shopping last weekend and of course you would have got.... if you had had a leetle bit more notice.

It may be that dh has known for a while and just not told you.

If mil is generally nice do try a bit to accomodate her, best to keep them sweet if they haven't given you any reason not to.

EverythingInMiniature Thu 09-Dec-10 11:34:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 09-Dec-10 11:38:31

Everything, it doesn't sound to me as though you know her at all!
I had only met my MiL once before me and MrKreecher got married. We have been lucky, she died about five years ago, and while MrK was really devastated, I was dancing. She was an interfering, wicked, smelly old bitch. I imagine she said similar things about me.
Everythinginminiature, yours sounds much nicer than my DEADgrin MiL.

EverythingInMiniature Thu 09-Dec-10 11:52:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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