To have really laid into this woman today?(448 Posts)
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Out shopping with dc today, in a shop when my kids disappear round the end of the aisle, I follow them within seconds only to hear someone shouting "be careful you rude, horrible little girl!" at my 4 year old dd, apparently she had pushed past this woman while trying to catch her brother. I said to the woman "are you talking to my daughter, because if you are how dare you speak to her like that, she is only four years old!". She replied "old enough to know not to push then". I then said "would you have spoken to her like that if you had seen an adult with her close by? Go on do it again, speak to my four year old daughter like that again right in front of me". She didn't.
Now just to give all the info, my ds has autism and my dd also shows some traits and we are starting the assessment process for her, I told the woman this and she just shrugged but did not say anything else.
Autistic or not though surely it is not acceptable to speak to a small child in this way? It all went quiet and everyone was looking at us but I don't regret speaking up, just felt so angry and upset for dd having that said to her.
I think that you may have been a bit U.
She should not have spoken to your child that way, but equally they should not have been running ahead of you and out of your sight, especially as you have said that one child is autistic. What would have happened if he had run headfirst into someone's trolley and got injured- is he capable of explaining what happened? Would you have blamed the person with the trolley or told your son off for running off?
YANBU! I wouln't call a child 'horribe' even if they were!
I think you were quite restrained, OP.
There were out of my sight for two seconds hence catching the woman in the middle of screaming at dd, if you can give me some tips on keeping a seven year old and a four year old glued to my side I would receive them gratefully.
I would have apologised profusely and got dd to as well if I had had the chance to.
At the same time the way you spoke to the lady was hardly commendable either.
You were not there to witness what happened and so IMO you were not in a position to comment in an unbiased way, let alone slagging the other lady off for having the audacity to tell off your little darling, who (and let's be honest) may have pushed her!
Or do you find it acceptable for a child, who MAY have autism, to push people in a supermarket??
I don't like being pushed by children so I would have thought the same.
I may not have said something but I do think you need to take better hold of your children in supermarkets so they don't push other adults.
I think you were right and that to call a small child names like`that says a lot about that woman. I would have pulled someone up on that even it it wasn't my child.
YABU to let your chidren run around in a supermarket full stop.
In two minds on this one. DD has asd, and when younger she would have been MADE to hold on to the side of the trolley, never allowed to run in supermarket, TBH I HATE dc running amok in shops, that's for the playground, not the shop, and I have managed 3 dc, even when they were younger, say age 3yo, 4yo and 8yo, 2 of them (DD, and DS2) are asd in some ways, whilst shopping, and would NOT let them act like that. (my dc are now 12yo, 8yo and 7yo).
Sooooo, YANBU in being miffed at the way the lady spoke to your dc (but I probably would have actually said something to YOU if I was the lady pushed by unruly dc!)
but YABVU to let your dc treat the supermarket like a park/ layground, no matter what their problems are. ASD is not an 'excuse' for not keeping an eye on your dc. It's your 'job' as a parent of SN dc to teach them what behaviour is appropriate in any given situation.
You need wrist straps, OP.
I use them on my 7 year old ASD ADHD son, and my NT four year old. They do not leave my side if there is anyone else around.
You NEED to keep them at your side at all times. As your eldest gets bigger, if his behavior is unpredictable, you need to be thinking about everyone else's safety as well as your own children. All it takes is for him to give you the slip and ram a small child into the road.
I think it's pretty damn hard to go shopping with children with autism actually. You get so many comments that frankly, if you didn't give a bit back sometimes, you'd just cry. I tend to avoid the whole thing whenever possible.
No pushing not acceptable, but then neither is screaming like a fishwife at a four year old. Kids were not running btw I stepped back to pick something up and they carried on. It could have been ME bumping into this woman as I rounded the corner, wonder if she would have screamed at me.
I bet this woman was very embarrassed - I suspect she never meant her outburst to be overheard! I do think though that the age of this woman is important. My grandmother - bless her socks - didn't used to think twice of spanking non-related children never mind giving them a good telling off!!
Was your DS running as well, with your DD trying to catch up? The woman may have felt annoyed that she was trying to shop whilst you were letting your children roam free and shove past people, and then getting aggressive.
It happens a lot.
If they won't wear the wrist straps, start saving for these
I totally get that it's a trial BoF. And frustrating and upsetting when people comment or stare. But would you seriously let your dd run around a shop? Out of your sight?
OP - I CANNOT believe the replies you have on this thread. You are totally NBU. Do the rest of you never shop in supermarkets, or have children? These things happen with children, you can't 'control' them 100% of the time - esp, I imagine, children that are/maybe autistic.
Good for you OP.
Where on earth does it say in ANY of my posts that my dc were running amok or treating the supermarket as a playground? Curious as to that assumption here as it certainly was not the case.
terrible way for her to speak to a child, but your reaction sounds alittle harsh too, but understandable.
Of course its not acceptable for a child to push anyone, but they are after all just children.
They weren't running around the shop for goodness sake - read the post! They had just started 2 second's worth of running and their mother had set off after them.
It's extremely fucking hard work, and a trip round a shop leaves me red faced and crying by the time I get home, so don't thing for a SECOND that I am judging you.
get wrist straps, tie them to the trolley and only go to shops when absolutely necessary.
(I have actually given you some very empathic and reasonably battle hardened advice, so when you calm down, or if this goes nuclear I might inbox you, have a look into the wrist straps/harnesses)
you stated that your DD was trying to catch up with her older brother. she would need to be moving pretty fast to try and catch him.
Fwiw my ds can be very panicky in the supermarket so stays very close to me, I was literally three steps behind them.
I also want to add 98% of the time I dontr take my Autistic DDs shopping, its a terrible thing and very hard work.
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