Advanced search

It's official - I no longer exist!

(237 Posts)
DrSeuss Wed 08-Dec-10 13:45:08

Another batch of cards this morning addressed to the mystery woman who lives in my house. I did not take my husband's name on marriage thirteen years ago, although I have no problem if others want to do so. I could understand if people addressed cards to X and Y Thingy, but what's with the whole Mr and Mrs X Thingy? My initial isn't X, my surname isn't Thingy. Et voila, I have ceased to exist! Most of these come from DH's family, who were at the wedding. I have learned to spell one Polish surname, one Italian and one Japanese in order to address cards to in-laws. Is it really asking too much for them to learn one simple English first name and a very short Scottish surname? I Know it's only a little thing but I do find it annoying!

AlistairSim Wed 08-Dec-10 13:46:12

Who said that?


hairyfairylights Wed 08-Dec-10 13:46:14

YANBU. I am intrigued about your Polish, Italian and Japanese in-laws!

AlistairSim Wed 08-Dec-10 13:46:32



nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 08-Dec-10 13:51:39


i've had some of those too!!

I got very annoyed about it - esp as we only got married in August and i told everyone that i wasn't going to be Mrs P, but I would remain Ms D.
two carsd I've had addressed to Mr & Mrs I P and i'm going to start returning them if it doesn't stop.

it's disrespectful when you've told someone your name and they refuse to call you by it.

SoNotWorthIt Wed 08-Dec-10 13:53:22

Do people know?

Most people will assume that upon marriage you would go from being Miss D Seuss to Mrs (husbands initial) (husbands surname)

Stangirl Wed 08-Dec-10 13:55:03

YANBU It may seem a bit extreme but this is one of the main reasons I'm not marrying DP. I refuse to change my surname - which DP has no problem with - but ILs would insist on using it. They were very annoyed when we announced the birth of our DD in the paper and it was put under her surname (which is my surname-DP's surname) - they said "but no one will look for her under that name". Grrrrr.......

DrSeuss Wed 08-Dec-10 13:56:37

They have been told, repeatedly! Is it rude to stick the joint address labels on the back of cards, then use a highlighter to ring my name with big arrows?!

Rosa Wed 08-Dec-10 13:58:56

If they are from an older generation is how they were taught ( I was as well and I am 40) ...... I would be thankful that they want to wish you a Happy Christmas and maybe gently remind them if you send them one back or if you meet them during the year.

DrSeuss Wed 08-Dec-10 14:00:05

As for the whole United Nations of Inlaws, FIL's family are originally Italian, FIL's sister married a Japanese man and the Polish thing is the in-laws' oldest friends who are vitually family. And yes, I can spell them all!

Rosa Wed 08-Dec-10 14:01:03

Sorry x post - Italians its strange then as you don't take your husbands name when you marry and therefore there are 2 surnames in every marriage !

Hassledge Wed 08-Dec-10 14:01:30

I always get one of these Mr & Mrs X Bloggs cards, but several Mr & Mrs Bloggs (I've kept my maiden name). The latter is fair enough, I reckon - it's still the norm to take your DH's name.

I have a first name that's hard to spell (Gaelic) - and for fifteen years the same friend of DH's has misspelt it in a variety of interesting ways. For fifteen years I've sent cards back - and make damn sure my name is clearly written inside. I quite look forward to the cards now - I want to know which additional vowels she'll come up this year .

Jins Wed 08-Dec-10 14:02:02

I had a very generous birthday cheque from an elderly uncle last year made out to Mrs (OH Initial)(surname) and funnily enough the bank wouldn't accept it.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 08-Dec-10 14:02:22

all of our christmas cards will be sent with a big sticker on with the correct names on.

i get sent some free name labels from charities i support, and they all say "ms A Don" on them, so I've been putting them on envelopes when I've sent letters out to people who might not know.
DH is upset cos it looks like they're all from me, so I said I'd do some with both names on.

MumNWLondon Wed 08-Dec-10 14:04:10

Sorry I think that you are being a bit U. Its not that you don't exist, just that you are married to your DH and that is current naming convention in his country.

The only think I can't stand is cards addressed to me only as Mrs X Thingy where X is my DH's initial (and I did take his name).

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 08-Dec-10 14:06:09

Mum - it's rude for people to call her that name when it's not her name and she's tiold them that.

regardless of what the naming "convention" is in this country.

would you do:

"herllo, my name's Bob"
"oh, nice to meet you Harry"
"no i said my name is Bob"
"thank you Harry for clearing that one up"
<card arrived through Bob's door addressed to Harry>

taintedsnow Wed 08-Dec-10 14:06:26

Yeah, I'm sorry, but this is quite trivial to me. It wouldn't bother me at all.

I can understand it might be a bit frustrating, but it's not a huge issue.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 08-Dec-10 14:07:06

tainted it's only a big issue if you've never told anyone.
OP said she's told people several tiems and they still do it.

diddl Wed 08-Dec-10 14:10:15

I have my husbands surname.

Lets say he´s Mr J Smith & I´m Mrs A Smith.

My bday cards from MIL are addressed Mrs J Smith.

I guess I should be grateful that she remembers it.

taintedsnow Wed 08-Dec-10 14:10:34

Fair enough, but I still don't think it would bother me too much. Maybe I'd feel differently if it was happening to me, but I doubt it. Things like this just don't matter to me. It's just a name.

taintedsnow Wed 08-Dec-10 14:11:29

Although to be fair, I would be mightily pissed off if it was accompanied by a general disrespect of me by the people sending the cards.

ThisIsYourSong Wed 08-Dec-10 14:12:33

YANBU smile

Things are changing and not everyone takes their husband's name now - or get married at all. People need to stop being so old-fashioned and accept that.

(Pisses me off too, my own parents do it - even though they clearly know I haven't changed my name and everything else i.e. FB, email etc is in MY name - not someone else's)

Gotabookaboutit Wed 08-Dec-10 14:12:54

Get over it - your choice but stupid to be so right on about it to be honest -

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 08-Dec-10 14:14:46

diddl that one's fair enough, because etiquette dictates that you're addressed as Mrs J Smith, but that's fine, because your surname is Smith.
If it weren't, then it would be wrong.

Olifin Wed 08-Dec-10 14:15:29

I'm with taintedsnow on this one. Try as I might, I just can't get too upset about it.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: