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Ok, I am probably going to get flamed, but I would like to ask a question...

(109 Posts)
InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:36:58

Ok <dons hard hat>

<deep breath>

A lot of the time I see people say they dont have time to help their child with out of school hours child related things.

I understand people have full time jobs, more than on child etc.

However, and I ask this in a genuine way, not a judgemental way, is it a question of priorities?

Yes, we need to have dinner on the table and they may need bathing etc. But surely, a childs project and or homework and or activity (not scouts or ballet) but something they need for class should take precedence over, say, the ironing or washing the floor?

Surely there is time for doing that after they are in bed? Yes, it is tiring and really, who can be arsed to do the floors at 11pm, but isnt school work more important?

Yes, we need to keep the house clean and livable. I understand that.

But I would rather devote the time to doing school stuff with/for my child and then do housework afterwards/on the weekend. I think it is important to take an active and enthusiastic role in my childs education. (not saying that anyone doesnt, I am just explaining my thinking)

So, I am asking, I suppose, what it is that means you dont have time? (genuine question)

I understand that there is a debate about whether school should send stuff home. But weather you like it or not, they do. This question is not to debate that - we all have various thoughts on that issue that have been debated over and over on here.

My thinking is that for people who work full time, it genuinely IS a case of not having time. Get home at 6 or later, feed the kids, bath then it is their bedtime. Then I understand, I honestly do. That would be hard!

My question is for the people who dont work? Or who work school hours?

Sorry blush I cant really word my question very well, but hopefully people see that I am not meaning to be judgemental, and that I am genuinely interested. I am not setting out to start an argument or offend anyone or bash any particular group of people. Sorry!

QuintessentialShadows Tue 07-Dec-10 14:41:08

Dont ask me, because I dont understand it either.

I work, I care for elderly parents, I keep the house clean (usually late at night or saturday morning) I am on the Church Council, and a class rep with monthly meetings with the headmistress, yet school issues take priority.

scurryfunge Tue 07-Dec-10 14:42:30

I can't see the point of homework for little ones, other than "bring something in for the blue table" type thing.

Older children are capable of doing their homework themselves (pointless if the adult does it). I will of course stop to help if my DS doesn't understand something but I don't sit over him for homework.

kathyb1 Tue 07-Dec-10 14:42:41

yes you are a terrible, terrible woman!

shame on you - go to your basket!

knitpicker Tue 07-Dec-10 14:43:05

Why don't you both have a pat on the back

InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:43:08

And would like to add, before people start with the pitchforks, I understand people have different priorities and I am in no way implying that someone is a bad parent if they dont do the school stuff.

I was just musing over the issue and though I would ask. I would hope that people understand that Iam coming from a place of nosyness rather than judgement!

I also acknowledge that I am lucky to be a SAHM and I worry that I wont have time for doing the DC school stuff when I go back to work (I am job hunting atm). (And I have a bub atm, so no, I am not at home alone while all my dcs are at school!)

mugggletoeandwine Tue 07-Dec-10 14:44:53

No idea, but then I just don't bother with the houseworkgrin

FindingAManger Tue 07-Dec-10 14:46:23

surely a childs project/homework/activity for class should be done BY THE CHILD????

And surely a parent can deal with any questions/assistance if the child is stuck, whilst also engaging in other activities in the home?

TwinklePants Tue 07-Dec-10 14:46:39

YANBU, although I might point out that there are a lot of 'I's in these first two posts (highlighted in the OP no less) - seems a wee bit superior. Other people have different lives and different problems, for example dealing with one or more disabled children or caring for a partner, which takes up the majority or all of their time. I wouldn't say that if someone is too busy that it always means they haven't got their priorities right IYSWIM.

InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:47:15

QS - thank you for seeing where I come from.

Scurry - I agree older ones are more able to do it themselves. I think I was talking more the little ones which need help.

Kathy - who? me?

Knitpicker - I wasnt looking for kudos or anything like that. I was genuinely looking for understanding. Can someone not ask a question without people assuming the worst?

SuchProspects Tue 07-Dec-10 14:48:08

My DCs aren't in school yet but I'm not looking forward to things I see as busy work to the school's agenda because I have my own vision of how I want to spend time with my kids and what sort of a family life I want. Once they are studying for exams it's a different matter but I don't think school curricula need to encompass more than school time.

It's not that I don't intend spending time with my DCs on things that will help them develop academically. It's just I want that to be to my agenda, on my timeline, not someone else's. And having seen a lot of the stuff sent home with the young DCs of friends and family I would not be keen at having to spend time with my kids on it. Most of it seems fairly boring and I think I can provide a much richer experience instead.

So I wouldn't "have time" to cover the schools agenda because I have my own.

kathyb1 Tue 07-Dec-10 14:48:21

maybe a little judgemental...?

wait till they refuse to let you help at all - my dd is 14 & won't even tell me what she did at school in case i try to 'help' - probably rightly!!!

Portofino Tue 07-Dec-10 14:48:54

What FindingAManger said.

InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:49:53

Muggle - grin

Finding - yes, I agree it shold be done by the child. I was talking about the people who complained THEY didnt have time to be dealing with it.

Twinkle - apologies if it appeared I was being superior, that wasnot my intent. It was more to highlight that that is whtat I thought, not the majority etc. Trying tohelp people see where the question was coming from, iyswim? I definitely agree that carers would find it hard. Apologies again.

kathyb1 Tue 07-Dec-10 14:51:06

inkystamp: you are totally entitled to your opinion - no need to apologise.

mugggletoeandwine Tue 07-Dec-10 14:51:26

Inky, I'm a cleaner, I do enough of it at work without doing more when I come home!

InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:51:56

Ok, apologies to all, I can see I have worded my question incorrectly! (I thought I may have!)

I was talking about younger children.

Such - Fair play. I understand that. Thanks for your response.

Ormirian Tue 07-Dec-10 14:51:57

"surely a childs project/homework/activity for class should be done BY THE CHILD???? "

Yep. And when they are too young to do it largely on their own they shouldn't be getting it IMO. I will confess to hearing DS2 read in the car on the way to school more often than not. Ditto practising maths.

Gracie123 Tue 07-Dec-10 14:52:26

I'm going to homeschool, but if my child was going to school...

I think it would have a lot more to do with whether or not the child has time, rather than me IYSWIM.

I have a lot of teachers in my family, including DH and have spent a lot of time around schools, and it seems that some teachers do just set homework for the sake of it and don't always take into account the work load being demanded by other teachers. Some of the children in DHs tutor group the other week had 5 sets of prep handed out and due within 48 hours. That's not bad planning on the kids part, it's teachers not communicating with each other properly.

I would definitely set an amount of time my children were going to spend on homework and if it wasn't completed, tell them not to worry and contact the teacher. Children should not be up all hours of the night completing work. If you have set a reasonable amount of time to complete the work and your child has actually worked at it, there will be others in the class who didn't manage to complete it either.

warning - teachers will only be sympathetic if it is not a regular occurrence. If you kid slacks off because they were too busy socialising earlier in the day you will not get much grace with 'she was up all night and I told her to go to bed...'

InkyStamp Tue 07-Dec-10 14:53:20

(Have to do the school run now grin so I am not running off. will be back later when I can. )

kathyb1 Tue 07-Dec-10 14:53:50

muggle: try taking a look at active thread ' little girls & public toilets' to see other side of coin!!!"!

monstermissy Tue 07-Dec-10 14:54:43

i think if i little one has been at school all day they would like to come home and relax/play not do more work.Diff for older ones of course. Children start school very young and i just dont think homework is a important part of their day. They are not machines they need down time just like we do.

If you like to work with your children thats great but not everyone sees it as a must at all.

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys Tue 07-Dec-10 14:55:30

I have time, I just rarely have the inclination to make an exact replica of a pyramid, or to hand paint a hard boiled egg like the Sistine Chapel. I help with reading, maths etc but I don't knock myself out over the other stuff. The teacher gets what ever the DC can make themselves. Some of it seems to me to be 'busy' work rather than actual education iyswim. I do get annoyed when the DC came home and tell me they must have a full lion costume by friday for example. Sometimes it isn't convenient <shrugs>

StillSquiffy Tue 07-Dec-10 14:57:07

some people choose to helicopter, some choose not to.

some people think that children should think for themselves at an earlier age, some think it should come later

some parents can be arsed, some can't

some people think there is a point to homework, some don't

some people think top in class = good, some people think top in class = bad

And?

biscuit

Ormirian Tue 07-Dec-10 14:58:35

It also has to be said that at the times I am available to help with hw, the DC are often very happy doing something else. And when they do want mummy's help I am happily ensconced in front of the TV with a large glass of wine.

So we get by with dribs and drabs of help and 'encouragement' and often whilst I am doing something else instead. As with much of the life of WOHPs we get by on a wing and a prayer.

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