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AIBU?

to have shouted this?

25 replies

rpickett · 07/12/2010 10:58

I know I shouldn't have let it bother me but it really did put a downer on my day.
Yesterday I had a lovely day out for the first time in months, My DH had the boys for the day while I took my DD out to show her to some friends and have lunch.
We (my friends and I) all have babies under 3mths so we also took them to get them weighed, on the way back we were all walking together when an older man walked past us shouting asking if any of us have jobs and sneering, he really annoyed me as I am sick of being judged for looking young so I turned around an shouted after him that he was rude and no I don't work but my husband of 3 years does so do one.
None of us (my friends and I) claim benefits we all have partners that work hard and to judge us on appearance really riled me.

WIBU?

OP posts:

Report

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 07/12/2010 10:59

Well yes, but he started it

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/12/2010 11:02

Glad i don't live near where you do. Judgy old people and shouty young mums.
Of course YANBU, some people are horrid.
Just out of interest, how old are you?

Vallhala · 07/12/2010 11:02

No you bloody well were not being unreasonable!

Had I been there I'd have added that you do some great voluntary animal welfare work too!

(I've met this lady, folks, she may be a young mum of 3 babes but she's a star too!).

You go girl, you don't deserve to take crap from anyone. :)

propercrimbo · 07/12/2010 11:02

Why would someone ask that if they weren't drunk or deranged, some people should mind their own business YANBU!

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:03

Not BU at all.

He shouted at you so you answered him.

No way should you have scuttled off and said nothing, he needed to be put straight.

Some people just hate mothers. Don't know their problem, must be something to do with a bad upbringing.

Don't let them get away with it.

mugggletoeandwine · 07/12/2010 11:04

Not really, but best to smile sweetly as you tell him. It'll make him feel foolish.

When DD was a few months old I was in town with her and some old bags women in the queue behind me were tutting about me and how teen mothers are terrible etc. I smiled at them, and said, 'thanks ladies, but I'm 24'.
Their faces were a picture

Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/12/2010 11:05

No, YWNBU. But I had the opposite yesterday. One of the older guys I meet on my dog walk (there are a crowd!) started going on about how things were "in the old days" and how ITOD women "didn't need to work to keep up with the Joneses- they stayed at home with their children, like they should. That's the cause of the unemployment in this country today- women taking all the jobs"

Bear in mind he knows I work p/t and have 3 children. I tried pointing out that maybe women worked because his baby boomer generation buggered up the house prices etc for the rest of us and maybe some of us didn't want to throw years of education away!! I had to leave though, because he had a look in his eyes that was obviously thinking "yeah, but paying to educate women is a waste of time anyway"

At least your detractor acknowledges that women can work if they want!

rpickett · 07/12/2010 11:07

Thank you Valhalla, very kind of you, I suppose thats partly why it bothered me because although I don't work as such I try and do something good while I'm off not just sit on my backside.

Kreecher I'm 22.

OP posts:

MrsChemist · 07/12/2010 11:13

YANBU, I get this occasionally, though no one has outright asked me if I have a job. It's mostly tutting, eye-rolling and bitching to their friends.

I just smirk at them and then ignore.

However the vast majority if people just smile at DS. He is a very smiley baby indeed and he charms the socks off everyone.
Don't let it bother you, some people are just gits.

Ormirian · 07/12/2010 11:14

Your DH is 3 yrs old ?

I am confused as to why he would have been bothered by your age and why that meant you should have been working. Odd man.

rpickett · 07/12/2010 11:21

was very strange, I have had little comments before and strange looks when out with my 3 dcs but never had anyone be this rude to me before, my poor friend who is quite shy got quite embarrassed she is only 19 and gets it all the time even though she has a wonderful fiance and they have been together for years.

OP posts:

lilyliz · 07/12/2010 11:26

I would have done the same as you,nobodies business but your even if you were on benefits

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:31

rpickett - some people are just deranged. They just hate mothers, full stop. Whether you go out to work or not they will still hate you.

Just another form of the misogyny that is rife in this country sadly.

Don't waste any time trying to understand them.

Their problem not yours.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/12/2010 11:33

YANBU but you might have played up to his belief that young mums are gobby. Ah, balls to him. He'll be dead soon anyway.

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys · 07/12/2010 11:35

Meh, I was 22 when I had DS1 and got a few snidey comments. I preferred hand gestures my self.

SoupDragon · 07/12/2010 11:38

you should have left off the "so do one" part but other than that, definitely not unreasonable

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:41

Soup, I think the OP was very restrained actually.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/12/2010 11:49

I used to get the opposite when DD was born. Admittedly we were living in the middle east, but I've had people ask me why I didn't have any other children and advise me that I was lucky that DH didn't divorce me as I only bred once I got to 37.

PinkElephantsOnParade · 07/12/2010 11:54

kreecher - it is odd that in this country anyone who has kids in their 20s is assumed to be a teenage mum on benefits.

It's really nasty and I really feel for those of you facing all this hostility.

I never got this as I was clearly well out of my 20s when I had DD.

Its not long since DHs friend who had her first at the age of 27 was classed as an "elderly primigravida".

Ormirian · 07/12/2010 11:59

Ah just worked that 'so do one' wasn't a mistype.

rpickett · 07/12/2010 12:05

I'm not usually gobby honest
Probably didn't help that we went into the pub straight after (they do better coffee then costa for half the price).

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 07/12/2010 12:25

rpickett. Stop justifying yourself, TBH in your shoes I'd have had a pint of Stella and tracked the old git down while waving it and then blown smoke in his face.
(I am 46 now so could get away with it).

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Vallhala · 07/12/2010 12:28

I was classed as an elderly primagravida too. :(

I was 30 when I became pregnant with DD1. Thirty!

SoupDragon · 07/12/2010 12:59

"Soup, I think the OP was very restrained actually."

No, because that final part was entirely unnecessary. It is always better to be polite when dealing with twats, especially older twats. The rest of the retort was adequate to out the man in his place.

Firawla · 07/12/2010 13:37

yanbu, why would someone with a 3 months baby have a job anyway?? normally they would have been on maternity leave whether they work or not, so aswel as being rude that guy did not even make sense.
yanbu to respond to him but i wouldn't let it bother you just totally ignore! people tend to presume i am on benefits too (i guess because of the age? because older mums people would just presume they are a sahm) but just correct them and move on, dont dwell on it or let it ruin your lovely day

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