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To feel really annoyed and angry....

(11 Posts)
mumsgotatum Sun 05-Dec-10 20:02:31

....with my dad beacause he keeps intefering and giving unsolicited 'parenting' advice about my DS aged 3.5 yrs. I'm afraid that it drives me crazy when he does this, it really pushes my buttons. He does this quite often and also gets involved in disciplining my DS when we're there. This is not helpful as it means that there are 2 of us trying to discipline.
We went to stay this weekend and DS had a meltdown tantrum as 3 year olds are often prone to do. My dad got really annoyed and said, 'you know you have to be quite strong with him otherwise it going to be really hard in a few years, he's going to be spolit'. and also really annoyingly said, 'I don't see other 3 year olds doing that (having a tantrum)'. I said, 'How many 3 year olds do you know?'!
I happen to know from many a mum in the playground and nurseru that they found 3 quite a tough age and their DS's were a nightmare. I think it's something that DS will grow out of and don't tend to make a big deal.
Everytime we stay my dad and I have a variation on the same argument. I don't think he should get imvolved, he says he should get involved as he is part of the family and has a 'right' to say something. AIBU....or should he have a right? Whatever, I find this so bloody annoying

curlymama Sun 05-Dec-10 20:06:58

He has a right in his own house if your ds is affecting him or his things. But the rest of the time he has no right at all.

clumsymumsnowdriftbaby Sun 05-Dec-10 20:09:09

urgh,my dad does this too,though he's not quite so upfront about it,just makes up stupid rules,he kept telling 2yr old dd to

'put the pens in the box the right way up' hmm
and other ridiculous things,i never know what to say either tbh,so i will be watching this thread with great

Pancakeflipper Sun 05-Dec-10 20:13:20

He's allowed an opinion. You are allowed to tell him he's talking nonsense.

It depends on your relationship with him and the relationship your child(ren) have and the closeness you wish them to have.... to how you respond to it.

If you listened to my MIL, well I am surprised she let's loose with my own kids. She knows best... And it drives me bonkers. I grit my teeth and my SIL once said when her mother was giving her 'advice' that she won't be here forever and we'll miss rolling our eyes and grinding our teeth then. It oddly enough helps me when receiving my lecture.

We all know 2 and 3 yr olds can be utterly wonderful then vile the next. Don't take it personal. Your dad has a rose-tinted view.

OmniaParatus Sun 05-Dec-10 20:16:06

YANBU. My mum and I have many differences over parenting, it is awkward as we didn't speak for about 5 years before DS was born, so I don't want to argue with her in case we fall out again.

You are right, 3 is a difficult age, DS is 3 and has started wetting himself constantly because he can't be bothered to stop playing to pee angry.

Just ignore your dad's advice, he has no right to interfere. DS is your son, not his, so be firm and keep your temper if you can. He does have a 'right' to say something, but you have the right to ignore it. Tell him so and smile sweetly. He will have no where to go after that, and will hopefully stop trying to argue with you.

mumsgotatum Sun 05-Dec-10 20:26:54

Thanks Omnia, and all. DS is our first child and a lot of the time I find it hard to enough to have confidence in our parenting abilities with him as it is without my dad sticking his oar in. Also it brings up so much stuff about my dad and when i was young as it is bound to I guess. On the other hand my dad is my parent and he is allowed to have an opinion. I think the way forward for me is to not react and let it push my buttons. I need to have 'selective' hearing and perhaps say something like, 'OK', in a neutral voice, change the topic or leave the room! Sounds like a plan to me!

parakeet Sun 05-Dec-10 20:40:35

I I think you're too easy-going. He has a right to express an opinion - the first time. If he keeps bringing it up, tell him to butt out. If he continues, how about saying: "Dad, you're putting me off coming round here because you go on about this so much."

chitchatinsantasear Sun 05-Dec-10 20:47:50

Curious about the issues you have with your dad. I have issues with my mum and when she kept giving me loads of 'advice' after awhile I lost it a bit and told her that given all the mistakes she made with us, thanks but I don't think I'll be following your advice'.

Her response was 'I want you to learn from my mistakes'. I responded with 'I lived through them, trust me, I know exactly what mistakes I won't be repeating!'. Relationship cooled down for awhile after that though!!!!

NeverArgueWithAnIdiot Sun 05-Dec-10 20:51:45

I always say "Thank you, parenting guru" to my dad when he comes out with his little gems. I once asked him to give DS a bottle while I was trying to make dinner and he barely knew which end to stick it in. He worked away from home when I was growing up, so only saw us at weekends. He has never even changed a nappy!
YANBU, but I'm surprised he's the only one offering you parenting advice. Find a way of brushing it off.

clumsymumsnowdriftbaby Sun 05-Dec-10 21:07:28

oh i like the parenting guru responce, neverargue i might nick that one...grin

mumsgotatum Sun 05-Dec-10 21:32:04

Oh yes, I have said to him, 'Thanks so much parent of the year'....I never even grew up with him, my mum and he seperated when i was little, and long story short, his 'parenting' left a bit to be desired. The thing is when I tell him to butt out, it always ends in a very heated, shouting argument as he simply can't help himself and has to say something. Maybe I can just let him think he's right!

chitchatinsantasear, the issues I have with my dad are so numerous that they would take up too much time and space here. Suffice to say, we have always had quite a hotheaded relationship. He was quite controlling and very angry when I was young. I think in essence I grew up not quite trusting him, (I didn't live with him), and when i was a teenager we had a seriously bad relationship. Which is not to say it was all down to him, I was a pretty hideous teenager. We are probably quite similar, even though it pains me to say that. He was also maddenly very much a 'Do as I say not as I do' parent. ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHH succintly sums up my feelings about parts of our relationship

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