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to be upset with my mum

(68 Posts)
Breezy1985 Sun 05-Dec-10 19:27:52

I am a lurker and this is my 1st post so here goes..

I saw my mum earlier, and she asked me what i got the DC for xmas, so I showed her the list and she turned round at said well at least you have time to get them some more things! I was shocked by this i hadn't planned on getting them anything else.

I am a single mum to 2 on benefits and before you flame me it wasn't my choice my EX of 7 years has swanned of with a 17yo. I have spent £100 on them each, she thinks i should get my DD who's 6 a laptop because her best friend is getting one and now she keeps going on about how my DD is going to be so disappoingted, her best friend is getting one but her mother is up to her eye balls in debt, has just been found to have no tv license and is being taken to court over her electric bill. Now I refuse to get into debt for xmas, what does a 6yo need a laptop for anyway?

The other problem is I have a 3yo sister and i know my mum has got her LOADS for xmas, were meant to be going round there for xmas dinner how am i meant to explain why she got so much from santa and they didn't, I don't even want to go round for the dinner anymore.
We have spent all day making salt dough decorations, candle holders and candles to give to people ie my mum and now i feel like she's just going to turn her nose up. I just can't afford to spend a fortune on everyone this year but to me making these things, spending time with the family and having fun is what xmas is about and not who can get the most!

Maybe i'm just ranting but i've come home and cried my eyes out i feel like i'm letting them down now, my other child is 5

Dexterrocks Sun 05-Dec-10 19:33:57

It sounds like you have spent a lot on your dcs. There is no way everyone can keep up with each other when it comes to Christmas. We all have our own budgets and have to stick to them. End of story!
As for your Mum turning up her nose at a gift lovingly made by her granddaughter, if she did, then she would have missed the point entirely.
Stick to your plans and your budget - your children will benefit from that lesson far more than a huge pile of toys on Christmas day.

LilRedWG Sun 05-Dec-10 19:34:29

You sound like a fabulous Mum and are doing exactly all the right things for and with your children. Yor Mum, on the other hand, sounds totally unsympathetic and seems to think you need to buy a child's love. You are right - a six year old most definitely does not need a laptop.

Please ignore her and concentate on having a happy Christmas with your two lucky children.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goingspare Sun 05-Dec-10 19:35:12

Please, have faith in yourself. We aim to spend about what you do on girls of 10 & 13 and DH and I are both in work,though not well off. A laptop for a 6 year-old is completely pointless - neither of our children has one to herself, and neither cares.

You are spending enough money, and doing far more important things with her like spending time making decorations. Your children will grow up with lots of attention and love, and are likely to be less materialistic than children who are spoiled by people who are insecure enough to think that love needs to be expressed in material goods.

(Little rant of my own there)

LilRedWG Sun 05-Dec-10 19:35:23

BTW - you're spent more on your DC than we have on our DD and she is getting no more.

peeringintothevoid Sun 05-Dec-10 19:36:47

YANBU - your mum sounds like a materialistic bloody loon! A laptop for a 6 year old???? hmm

Don't you dare beat yourself up - you've spent plenty enough on them already and I'm sure they'll appreciate that. The homemade presents you've described sound lovely, and if she turns her nose up then that says a whole lot about her - none of it nice!

Have a very Merry Christmas, and ignore your loony mum. smile

wizzler Sun 05-Dec-10 19:37:03

Yanbu.. you know you are doing the right thing by spending within your limits, I think you have done some great budgeting to spend £200 on presents.
Ask your mum if your sister can open her presents before your kids arrive on Xmas morning..,.. that way the difference in present pile won't be so obvious.
You sound like a great mum.. in 5 years time they are more likely to look back on this Xmas and remember the day you spent making presents with them, then the presents they didnt get.

Pinkieminx Sun 05-Dec-10 19:37:25

YABU to be upset - you're mum's acting like an idiot - stop crying and smile - safe in the knowledge you have your priorities right [un-mn hug]

irishqueen Sun 05-Dec-10 19:37:42

YANBU ... your mother is being a total fud!
I cant even afford £100 per child and they will be delighted with any presents.
A 6 year old with a laptop ... next yr a Wiii ... where will it stop. Its only one day
Dont put ypurself into debt for that. If your mum wants to show off then let her

NoelEdmondshair Sun 05-Dec-10 19:39:02

£100 each is more than enough. And it sounds like you and your DC have had a lovely day making gifts. Have a hug from me and and try to ignore your materialistic mother and enjoy Christmas with your DC - they are lucky children.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pozzled Sun 05-Dec-10 19:40:10

YANBU. I think that £100 each is actually quite a lot to spend on cildren that age. You have obviously put a lot of thought into how you can find the money and should be pleased with yourself. Far better to spend less than to go into debt. I bet your DCs loved making the candle holders etc as well.

On Christmas Day, will your DCs be opening their presents at your house or your mums? If you do it at your house before you go round hopefully you can avoid too much comparing of what they had compared to your sister.

NoelEdmondshair Sun 05-Dec-10 19:40:24

x-posted with LittleRedWG - we both think your children are lucky smile

ParanoidAtChristmasTime Sun 05-Dec-10 19:41:26


Your mum sounds like a loon.

In a few years time you will probably find that your children appreciate everything they are given and your little sister regards each lovingly picked gift with disdain before chucking it over her shoulder and moving on to the next one <don't mind my ranting, have spoilt nieces emoticon>

MsKalo Sun 05-Dec-10 19:43:42

Have a word and tell her how difficult things are for you and make sure she feels bloody bad for being such a nasty mama

Breezy1985 Sun 05-Dec-10 19:44:08

Thanks, my mum is a loon (at times) my sister even has her own tv in the lounge! Yes they have 2 so she can watch what she wants(!)

She will not be having a laptop i know that for sure, if she needs to use a computer she can use mine! I have been saving all year and buy things when i see them and was quite proud of what i had got them

The thing is though my DD is more excited about going to christingle on xmas eve and doing her xmas play and when i ask my DS what he wants he just says I don't know..

We will have a happy christmas, i'm determined of that one, I just don't want them feeling embarresed when they go back to schiil

ShanahansRevenge Sun 05-Dec-10 19:45:13

It's VERY unlikely that your DD will wonder or compare her gifts with her Aunties....(I mean the three year old) My DD doesn't get loads but her cousins DD is never less than thriled with her pressies...she doesn't ask why her couins got more. She is also 6 like yours.

IF she DID say anyhing you can say it's because she has a sister..and children with no young ssters living with them get more to make up for having no sibling!

It's the EXPERIENCES they remember...the making of crafts and decorating things...not the presents.

pozzled Sun 05-Dec-10 19:45:46

Your children sound lovely. Christmas should be all about the experience not the presents- you are obviously doing a great job.

RobynLou Sun 05-Dec-10 19:46:28

YANBU, your mother is a loon.

children of that age aren't aware of the cost of things, a few cheaper items will seem like more than one big thing like a laptop to them.

I can only remember a handful of the presents I was given as a child, what I remember is cooking with my mum and making christingles and everyone laughing at the rubbish cracker jokes...

Breezy1985 Sun 05-Dec-10 19:47:07

School even!! Should really turn the light on..

My mum is in debt and always has been, i can remember having to lie to the collectors when we were younger and i will not put my children through that, i think she thinks it's normal [hmmm]

Goingspare Sun 05-Dec-10 19:47:28

They honestly won't be embarrassed, Breezy. We live in a very affluent area where Father Christmas seems to be much more generous to some of our DC's friends, but it's never been an issue. Carry on doing what you're doing, and to hell with keeping up with the Joneses.

forehead Sun 05-Dec-10 19:49:10

OP my mum was a single parent and could barely affford presents for us, but you know what, when my siblings and i talk about our childhood we only remember the fun we have.
As adults, we are fortunate to be financially secure, however we will not be spending up to £100 on our own children

OP, you are doing a fantastic job, please ignore your mother.

MeowyChristmasEveryone Sun 05-Dec-10 19:50:14

It sounds like you've had a lovely time making those gifts, and your children will have got far more out of that than, for example, looking through the Argos catalogue or traipsing round town wondering what tat to buy people for Christmas!!

Do not allow your mum to devalue what you have done for others from them, or what you have decided to get them for Christmas either. Remind her that it is YOUR money and they are YOUR children, she is being extremely unfair to put this sort of pressure on you.

At their age, even if your children received NO other Christmas gifts (which is UNLIKELY), they would be thrilled to get anything that you have bought providing it is given with love - and I see no evidence from your post that there is a shortage of that in your family.

Have a Happy Christmas with your family, and ignore the negative views of people around you!!

PercyPigPie Sun 05-Dec-10 19:53:17

How come you are so sensible and your mother is so barking?

I'd tell your children that you have to pay Santa a bit for the presents, hence other children getting more.

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