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To just want to be listened to..

(15 Posts)
irishma Sat 04-Dec-10 16:47:59

So DP asks me months ago what do I want for Christmas as he felt slightly bad that I had such a horrible birthday this year which he contributed to..After much deliberation I decided on a Kindle as I have limited mobility these days and cant hold books well anymore and if I couldnt read I would die (no exaggeration)

We have had 5 different discussions about having to buy it from the American Amazon as the UK one wont deliver it to Ireland..My family bought vouchers so I can purchase books...3 weeks ago I said to him please place the order as it wount get here on time and he told me he had sorted it..

We are talking bout the weather and sending presents to US and I says its lucky you ordered Kindle when you did as it would not have got here and what does he say???Eh I havent ordered it yet..cant I just get it off the UK site???NO YOU FUCKER YOU CANT!!!!!needless to say if we order it now its 9-12 weeks delivery!!

Ive been calm about it..I said its grand not to worry we will think of something else but Im seething here...He has gone up for a lie down as he doesnt feel well(HUNGOVER) and I just want to go and whip him out of the bed for just not listening to me at all!!!

AIBU? Am I over-reacting?If so please tell me as I dont want to be seen as a materialistic old sod..I just wanted something nice-and useful-for Christmas!!!

Dexterrocks Sat 04-Dec-10 16:52:47

I think that possibly what you really want is to feel special. You want to matter enough to him for him to make sure you have a good Christmas. I don't think you are being materialistic at all.
It is also embarrassing if family have given you vouchers for something that you now will not have.
Can you get it in a shop rather than online?

HecTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly Sat 04-Dec-10 16:54:57

No, you're not being unreasonable.

I assume you were speaking a language he can understand, so what part of the uk site won't deliver it did he not understand?

Either he was tuning you out at the time (a charming habit Himself has - plays himself some classical music in his head grin ) or he thought yeah yeah yeah, they do, I know better, and just ignored you.

Either way, a night in the doghouse, I think grin

MrManager Sat 04-Dec-10 17:10:35

You are very much over-reacting. Plenty of people do their Christmas shopping late.

Boo-fucking-hoo that your £100 present won't be here in time for Christmas, I suppose you'll have to make do with all your other gifts.

nannynobblystockingnobs Sat 04-Dec-10 17:15:12

Bit harsh there!! Jesus, I'd be bloody annoyed at being completely ignored too. YANBU.

irishma Sat 04-Dec-10 17:20:06

Actually MrManager its my only gift..of the entire year...which will help me with my disability to do the one thing I am still just about physically capable to do..but my point wasnt about the gift it was about listening to the 5 conversations we had..not one sided converstions but ones he engaged in..

So boo-fucking-hoo yourself I think your are very much over-reacting too..

Dexterrocks Sat 04-Dec-10 17:21:14

MrManager I don't think it is the gift that is the issue but the fact irishma feels undervalued.

Everyone has their own budgets for gifts anyway - that was not the point!

overmydeadbody Sat 04-Dec-10 17:29:15

Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed today MrManageR? Strange reaction.

irishma has every right to feel upset at not being listened to. It's the lack of effort her DH has shown, it's not about how much the present costs.

altinkum Sat 04-Dec-10 17:33:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peeringintothevoid Sat 04-Dec-10 17:37:41

YANBU. Is there anywhere else in the UK he can get it delivered from? Or buy it. I think if it costs him a bit more, then tough titty, under the circumstances.

Boo-fucking-hoo yourself, you rude twat. hmm

adrenalinejunkie Sat 04-Dec-10 17:44:21

jeez mr manager bit of a over reaction there , you obviuosly didnt pay too much attention to the thread , or it hit a nerve thats a very bitter reaction . when your dh is feeling less hungover i would make him sit at the computer show him you cant get it from the uk site and get him to order it there and then. dont be calm anymore or he will think its not that important. yanbu you are more than entitled to have something you love and will bring you lots of pleasure for xmas

MrManager Sat 04-Dec-10 18:10:55

This is very materialistic.

If this is such a necessary item, why is it waiting to become a Christmas present. Why not just get it anytime and count it as a Christmas present, or just a gift with no occasion?

We've only heard her side about these 5 different conversations, and how conclusive they were. I think the fact that they needed to talk about a fifth time after 4 conversations shows that these conversations were forgotten, short or inconclusive.

The fact you want to "go and whip him out of the bed for just not listening to me at all" is over-reacting. That's what OP asked and I answered. The whole issue, or the one you've raised, isn't that you don't feel listened to in your marriage, it's that he didn't follow your precise instructions in this one specific case.

Everybody makes mistakes and forgets. If the roles were reversed, and you were a wife whose husband berated you for messing up his Christmas present delivery, the other posters here would be advising you to leave him as he is very controlling.

I've re-read my post, and yes, it was too rude. Sorry about that. But I still believe in the reasons behind it, if not the tone.

FiteFuaite Sat 04-Dec-10 18:28:36

Whereabouts are you,Irishma? Anywhere near Dublin?

My mil will be travelling over for Christmas and if you want you could get it delivered to her address and she could bring it over?

I'm near Dublin,if that helps

saffy85 Sat 04-Dec-10 18:33:10

Ebay? YANBU however MrManager is hmm I'd be pretty pissed off myself in your situation. Really hope that you somehow get it for christmas.

SpotSplatterSplash Sat 04-Dec-10 18:51:08

Where abouts are you Irishma?

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