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to not want my son's friend's mum to be his teacher?

(34 Posts)
qualitystreetrosescelebrations Sat 04-Dec-10 14:12:59

Our school - very wrongly in my opinion but if that's the way they work, then I will have to do the same to ensure fairness for my children - are very much swayed by what the parents want.

We have two classes for every year group, and every year majority of parents have requested which teacher they want and this has been granted. I've never requested, as I've not been opinionated enough on either teacher every year to request.

The other parents have already started giving their opinions in as to which teacher they want to the head.

Now my son has a group of friends, that are all very close, and they are split between the two classes. One of these boys' mother is one of next year's teachers.

I do not want her to be my son's teacher as a) it will mean my son is definitely not in her son's class which he'd like to be
b) I will feel very awkard if there is anything that i'm not happy with, as don't want to make it awkward seeing her for playdates etc.
c) the one I'll most likely be flamed for - I don't like the whole concept of teachers and children being at same school.

AIBU to have my only reason for not having this teacher is due to the relationship? Or when I put my request into the school do I need to make up an alternative reason?

I believe she is a good teacher, but no better/worse than the other teacher, and if there wasn't this relationship as in other years, I wouldn't be giving an opinion, and wouldn't mind which class he went into.

MrsRhettButler Sat 04-Dec-10 14:14:54

if the school are very much swayed then surely you just take your pick and hope for the best?

ItalianLady Sat 04-Dec-10 14:15:00

I would put in a request especially as you haven't before.

We get no say at all but I did put in a request that a certain child was not in my son's class and that happened.

MrManager Sat 04-Dec-10 14:16:56

Request that your child be in the same class as her child, not that you don't want her as the teacher.

taintedsnow Sat 04-Dec-10 14:18:05

YANBU and I would probably be thinking the exact same way you are.

cece Sat 04-Dec-10 14:18:36

I am a bit shock and angry that parents get to choose their child's teacher. Don't they trust the school to make an informed decision on what is best for the whole school and the children in it?

coatgate Sat 04-Dec-10 14:20:38

Wtf - the parents get to choose the teacher? How on earth does that work then? I am astounded. Does this happen at anyone else's school?

diddl Sat 04-Dec-10 14:22:23

I think it would be reasonable to request that your son isn´t out in her class tbh.

MillyR Sat 04-Dec-10 14:23:15

I agree with you, but I think you are lucky that the teacher has chosen or been made not to teach her own child. My children had years of being taught by a teacher who had one of her own children in the class every year. I got flamed on MN for saying I didn't agree with it.

You should definitely ask for your child to be in the class with a different teacher.

Dexterrocks Sat 04-Dec-10 14:23:52

I agree with MrManager. You want the class so the children can be together. That is surely what matters most anyway if the teaching standard is even.
I used to be a teacher and occasionally had to ask not to have a particular class as there was a pupil in it who I knew well in another context. It may well be that your friend is relieved not to have to interact with you on a professional basis too.

borderslass Sat 04-Dec-10 14:24:02

My girls went to the only catholic school in the area around 80 kids in school 4 classes in whole school one teacher had her own DD in her class another her friends DS neither received preferential treatment.

qualitystreetrosescelebrations Sat 04-Dec-10 14:24:38

It's bizarre situation, and this year for example (i presume because I didn't pass comment) we are in a much smaller class than the other one, as the other one was perceived to be the preferred teacher.

I've certainly not found anyone else's school who operates like this.

qualitystreetrosescelebrations Sat 04-Dec-10 14:26:41

Unfortunately the mother has said that she is disappointed that the school won't let her teach her son, and she'd love to have my son in her class.

harecare Sat 04-Dec-10 14:27:37

Reason c):
I agree, teachers and children should definitely not be at the same school.
When I was a child I always thought school was spoilt by the teachers being there.
One school for the children and a separate one for the teachers for sure! grin

LadyGlencoraPalliser Sat 04-Dec-10 14:29:22

Interesting that the school allows parents to influence the process - I have never heard of this happening in any school - it certainly doesn't in our two-form entry school. But as it does, I don't see why you shouldn't express an opinion.
As regards teachers not having their children in the same school, I hope you don't think I'm flaming if I say I find that attitude mystifying - teachers and their families are part of the community after all, why should they not access the school that is part of their community. One of my children's friends and classmates is the child of our doctor, another is a local police officer, would you find this awkward at playdates too? All of the teachers I know are professional enough to seperate their social lives and their working lives - why do you not trust this woman to be able to do that.

LaWeaselMys Sat 04-Dec-10 14:29:52

I don't think it would seem unreasonable to not want your child to be taught be their friend's parent. When I was at school teachers never taught their own DC, and friendships groups were generally kept together in classes as much as possible.

Especially if the usual reason they get is just parents preference.

What a crazy school system though!

cece Sat 04-Dec-10 14:30:05

The Headteacher sounds very weak if they let the parents select their child's teacher. I am now even more shock at how few people have come on here and said that this is an unacceptable situation. (The choosing of classes not the friend as a teacher).

ChippingIn Sat 04-Dec-10 14:30:11

Our school would certainly listen to any requests - such as wanting/not wanting your DS/DD to be in the same class as their BF or wanting one teacher over another - but it's not a commonly done thing - your school sounds a wee bit too 'parent led' for my liking - like they don't trust their own judgement - but maybe they are just really, really nice and very accomodating.

In your situation I wouldn't hesitate to ask for your DS to be moved to the other class as you are friends and you feel you wouldn't be comfortable if there are any issues.

Don't say you want him to be with her Son - what if to balance the numbers out & keep you happy they move her son to her class>!?

LaWeaselMys Sat 04-Dec-10 14:31:48

It is usually about childrens dynamics - about whether that child is treated the same as the others.

Which is not to say that I think parents DO teach their own children differently (if anything I reckon they are probably going to be harsher) but that is not the way children see it.

MillyR Sat 04-Dec-10 14:35:21

LGP, generally people in positions of power don't work with their local community. That is why their has been suggestions that all teachers report to their local school when they can't get to work due to snow, because most teachers don't work at their nearest school. None of the teachers at DD's school live in the village.

Community nurses, social workers and so on generally work in a community other than their own.

LaWeaselMys Sat 04-Dec-10 14:36:20

Last Post was re why teachers aren't usually allowed to teach their own DC.

Although, I expect there's other reasons too.

qualitystreetrosescelebrations Sat 04-Dec-10 14:37:21

I have both friends/family who are police officers if my children knew them on a professional level I'd have very grave concerns as to my children's behaviour.

As a child, we had a family doctor, when I went to secondary school the doctor's daughter was in my class. I asked my parents if i could change doctor i went to different surgery, i know there's patient confidentiality but i was scared of being discussed over the dinner table.

LadyGlencoraPalliser Sat 04-Dec-10 14:39:52

Well you know MillyR, that's not my experience. Where I live, we are a community, and that is what community means, people who live and work in the same area. I don't think that is unusual.

mumbar Sat 04-Dec-10 14:41:20

Well my mums taught me - she was supply teacher and it was the 80's though.

I don't see why you shouldn't ask if everyone does. It does surprise me though that all parents get their requests - what do the school do when every parent wants the same teacher that year? Also I'm surprised that the teachers do not ever change the year group they teach, fresh eyes, fresh planning etc is surely better for the children than which class their parent wants them to be in.

YANBU OP not to want her to teach your DS.

MillyR Sat 04-Dec-10 14:45:16

That isn't what community means. Where did you read that definition?

I would be seriously concerned if people like social workers lived amongst the children they were meant to be protecting.

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