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to write a rude riposte to BIL? Let me know before I click send.

(140 Posts)
Spidermama Fri 03-Dec-10 18:44:45

Two of my children, an 11 year old and a 12 year old, enjoy being on Facebook along with, it seems, most of their friends.

My Brother in law, who has no children of his own, has sent me the following message on FB (Names changed but otherwise copied and pasted)

" Spider - shouldn't the kids be min. 13yrs to be on FB?

My friend Joe Bloggs is using rich language for instance, so it has always bothered me that Spiderboy and Spidergirl are on my FB 'friends' list for this sort of reason.

The only thing is that, it seems rude to remove them (the kids). Links to Spiderboy's pictures of his 'bezzie', (best mate?) appeared on my news feed.

Can I speak frankly? I just don't think it is right. I'm thinking of deleting them."

I have written, but not yet sent, a reply saying it's fine for them to be on, he's wrong but he can delete them if he wants. I've also reassured him they have absolutely no interest in his sweary friend Joe Bloggs anyway. I have also included the odd sarcastic remark thanking him for his parenting advice. Should I leave out the sarcasm?

I am pretty pissed off with his patronising tone tbh. I won't mention that he's 44, single and back living with his mum.

daisy5678 Fri 03-Dec-10 18:46:30

No, I think he's being sensible and YABU. Patronising, maybe, but kids really shouldn't be on FB with adults, for the reasons he gives.

scarletbegonia Fri 03-Dec-10 18:48:06

This is a tricky issue, FB set an age of 13 but in reality it seems that 11 is actually the age that children start to use it.

I do agree that a lot of the stuff isn't appropriate for 11/12 year olds but I don't think your BIL gets to decide for you.

I suggest you ask him to unfriend your DCs and then he won't need to worry - I'm surprised they want to be friends with him anyway, isn't that a bit odd ?

SerendipitousHarlot Fri 03-Dec-10 18:49:19

To be honest, I think YAB a little U. My dd is on FB and has been for about a year now - but I won't accept any of her friends for the same reason as your BIL. I don't mind my own dd reading my sometimes sweary rants, because she knows better than to take them seriously, or repeat them - but I'm not going to modify mine or my friends posts for someone elses children I'm afraid.

risingstar Fri 03-Dec-10 18:49:21

just suggest that he removes them- he doesnt feel comfortable mixing adult friends/comments with his neice and nephew. say that you will explain why to them.

would steer away from the rest of it. TBH, he only has your kids interests at heart, however badly phrased

GeneHuntsMistress Fri 03-Dec-10 18:50:05

Errm I think he is being entirely reasonable and sensible confused


Also just because he doesn't have children doesn not preclude him from having valid opinions on child rearing.

ItalianLady Fri 03-Dec-10 18:50:24

YABU. They should be 13 and he is right and trying to help. Definitely leave out the sarcasm.

QuintessentialShadows Fri 03-Dec-10 18:50:46

He is sensible.

SummerRain Fri 03-Dec-10 18:50:46

I think he's dead right tbh

taintedsnow Fri 03-Dec-10 18:51:15

I'm sorry, but I also think YABU. Your BIL is entirely right, in everything he's said. His tone doesn't sound overly patronising at all, he just sounds like a concerned relative.

Children under 13 should not be on Facebook anyway.

If it helps, the following is from FB:

"No information from children under age 13. If you are under age 13, please do not attempt to register for Facebook or provide any personal information about yourself to us. If we learn that we have collected personal information from a child under age 13, we will delete that information as quickly as possible. If you believe that we might have any information from a child under age 13, please contact us through this help page.

Parental participation. We strongly recommend that minors 13 years of age or older ask their parents for permission before sending any information about themselves to anyone over the Internet and we encourage parents to teach their children about safe internet use practices. Materials to help parents talk to their children about safe internet use can be found on this help page."

QuintessentialShadows Fri 03-Dec-10 18:51:40

He is trying to explain in a nice way WHY he does not want to be facebook friends with your kids, so the best reply to him should be "You are absolutely right, just defriend"

activate Fri 03-Dec-10 18:51:56

he's right

you're wrong

don't send it

sleepingin Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:01

Wow, YABVU. He's clearly just trying to be a good uncle. Poor bloke.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:05

I think he is being quite nice, not wanting to hurt their feelings.
He right, they technically shouldn't be on there. Obviously you can ignore the parenting advice but if it was me I would just say yes delete them.

SantasENormaSnob Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:32


He is right IMO

TiggyD Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:33

Seems fair that he doesn't want to keep his page suitable for children.

It's not really fine for them to be on a site that doesn't allow under 13 year olds is it? Do you let them drive down the shops for lottery tickets, fags, booze and violent 18+ films? Why can't they when they're allowed to break face book age limits?


taintedsnow Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:33

I actually don't think you should send anything in reply btw.

Spidermama Fri 03-Dec-10 18:52:41

Is it odd? They are friends with me too and with their grandparents. They like sharing pictures and links and staying in touch generally. They tend to talk to their own friends mostly though. I know for a fact they're not going to be interested in their uncle's friend.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Fri 03-Dec-10 18:53:28

He's right.

activate Fri 03-Dec-10 18:54:22

I am fb with my ds1 and 2 (both over 13), ds3 not allowed on

they have no concept of privacy - they and their friends facebook horribly intimate details of their lives using foul language and yet they know, I their mother can see it

it is an odd way to be if you ask me

LisaD1 Fri 03-Dec-10 18:54:34

So, because your BIL has the common sense to understand that children under the age of 13 should not be on FB you want to send him a sarcy email?


hairyfairylights Fri 03-Dec-10 18:54:47

YABU and I think it was noble of him to contact you in this way. He should delete your kids.

QuintessentialShadows Fri 03-Dec-10 18:54:53

A bit. And slightly inappropriate.

I am not fb friends with my niece, even if we are very close. She is 15, and I really dont think her and my facebook sphere should meet.

I dont want to be privy to her teenage angst, and I dont want her to see the more inappropriate postings and content my friends are posting, and they are not even rude.

I think there should be a certain respectful distance, from a facebook perspective.

UltimatePomBear Fri 03-Dec-10 18:55:00

I think he's right to be honest - he's being responsible and I don't think he's being patronising in his message.

I refused to be friends with my friends 8yr old on facebook for exactly his reasons.

LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake Fri 03-Dec-10 18:55:44

It's not odd. But since he has sweary friends then don't have him just have people who are appropriate . And have high privacy settings.

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