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to have refused to allow a woman DP slept with to stay in out house?

(87 Posts)
winnybella Wed 01-Dec-10 13:58:12

Sounds more dramatic than it really is.

DP has a colorful past, no proper relationship before he met me, lots of one night stands and short romances.

Few days ago he said that a girl that he knew long time ago is coming to our town for a few days and has asked him whether she could stay in our place.

I asked DP what 'knew' meant exactly and he blushed and said 'well...'.

So I said that I would prefer she didn't as I don't really fancy having someone he slept with in my house- not a huge deal, of course, just it wouldn't be very nice for me. If it was an emergency of some kind, than, yes, ok, but as it is I would rather she didn't.

He said, fine, I think he felt a bit silly for even asking.

I was just wondering whether IWBU? And what would you do?

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice Wed 01-Dec-10 13:59:13


she is, he is, but YAN

tethersjinglebellend Wed 01-Dec-10 14:00:05

Bollocks to that. Bit cheeky of her to ask, TBH.


MonkeySee Wed 01-Dec-10 14:01:22


I am still friends with my exes from many years ago, and now they are friends, they stay if visiting/flight/whatever. My dh has ex-gf that we are now friends with too. It's not a biggy in our life.

StuffingGoldBrass Wed 01-Dec-10 14:01:42

YABU. Unless he has form for breaching monogamy or has gone on and on about this particular woman, but by the sound of it he thinks of her as an old mate who happens to need crash space.
He had sex before he met you, get over it.

Doigthebountyeater Wed 01-Dec-10 14:01:47

Kick the dirty hoor to the kerb! (Arm waving and chants of 'Go Jerry!' etc) smile

LoudRowdyDuck Wed 01-Dec-10 14:02:36


It was a long time ago. I guess my reaction would depend slightly on whether she was one of the one-night stands, or the short romances - but only because if the former, he probably doesn't know her that well.

I find it a bit strange it would bother you - surely, given you knew he'd slept with other people before you, you might expect occasionally to come across them?

BelligerentGhoul Wed 01-Dec-10 14:03:14

YABU - unless you don't trust him?

curlymama Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:07


He shouldn't even have asked, but he probably figured he had nothing to lose. He should have said no as soon as she asked, rather than say, 'ok, I'll just check with my wife then let you know. Now she thinks that he would have liked her to stay, but his controlling wife wouldn't allow it. Of course I don't know for definate what she's thinking, but what sort of woman would ask to say with one of her ex conquests and his wife?

Maylee Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:37

What are you worried about?

They slept together before you and him got together. Big deal. You'll end up looking like the insecure, territorial one if you "refuse to allow" it.

Duna Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:38

I had exactly the same situation while back and gave a very firm 'no'. So, YANBU!!

fel1x Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:45

Both DH and I still have friends that we have had relationships with in the past.
As long as it was before he met you, then it can only be a good thing that he is mature enough to still be friendly with an ex smile

RealityVom Wed 01-Dec-10 14:04:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winnybella Wed 01-Dec-10 14:05:01

Monkey- a few of DP's exes (or girls he was in love with) became his very good friends and because they are a big part of his life now, I wouldn't make an issue out of it if they wanted to stay here.

But this was some girl he hasn't spoken to for ages, not a friend etc, so I sort of felt that me being uncomfortable having a perfect stranger in the house with whom DP had a fling with was more important iyswim.

fedupofnamechanging Wed 01-Dec-10 14:05:09

I wouldn't like it either. This woman is a complete stranger to you and she's an ex of your DP's. Why would you want her to stay? Tacky of your DP to ask imo.

Different if the ex is someone that you both are friends with. Even then I wouldn't ike it, but that might say more about me than them iyswim

LadyBiscuit Wed 01-Dec-10 14:06:35

YABU - honestly, what on earth do you think is going to happen?

winnybella Wed 01-Dec-10 14:07:49

Oh, I see I got lots of YABUs.

No, no, I'm not worried about anything. I am also not a jealous type. Just didn't really feel like having someone that he shagged ages ago around- UNLESS she was a friend of his, it was important to him etc.

It was no more than being a bit selfish.

He doesn't care-he hasn't spoken to her for years, doesn't seem very eager to see her etc.

MonkeySee Wed 01-Dec-10 14:07:58

Oh, I see, it's because she's not a friend? And he's not friends with her either? I suppose that's different and a bit random of her to ask...

LeQueen Wed 01-Dec-10 14:09:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland Wed 01-Dec-10 14:09:27

YABU. I slept with a lot of guys. Some of them now, I can't believe I did that. There's no way I'd do it again and some of them, I can't even really remember much of it.

I stayed at my friend's brother's house, yes, his wife was there. And had actually forgotten I'd shagged him till my friend brought it up.

It was like, over 20 years ago. I couldn't tell you what he looks like naked and it makes me a bit sick that I did that (we were both very drunk and stoned).

maktaitai Wed 01-Dec-10 14:09:33

I think I would be curious to meet her tbh blush so YABU from me.

LaWeaselMys Wed 01-Dec-10 14:10:35

I think YABU a bit.

A couple of my group of friends have slept together, but are still friends and where the relationships were casual have ex-shags round with new partners etc and nothing is thought of it. If it had been a proper relationship I think that would be different.

But, since he's not bothered, maybe she was really just looking for a place to stay chancing it and not really expecting a yes.

winnybella Wed 01-Dec-10 14:11:24

Also can I just say that I wouldn't be thrilled with ANYONE coming to stay at the mo, as DP is very busy and I'm looking after dcs, studying, doing the whole Christmas prep etc- so this was just more of 'Oh, I would rather not spend days looking at some old old flame of his' - just more of a deciding factor iyswim in a moment when no one is really welcome (just for next few weeks- we're a welcoming type of family usually).

tethersjinglebellend Wed 01-Dec-10 14:11:46

Why does the OP have to be worried about something happening?

Even if she trusts him completely, even if he is solidly monogamous, even if they hadn't slept together- I wouldn't want someone who was a stranger to me and not even a friend to my DP staying over because she was 'in town'. Get a bloody hotel.

I would feel the same way if it was a male acquaintance from years back.

BelligerentGhoul Wed 01-Dec-10 14:12:19

Don't like the fact that some people are calling her a whore and a slapper. For what? Having had sex? Shite attitude imho.

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