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To start a new relationship 4 months after my 10 year marriage ended?

(19 Posts)
Lemonstartree Wed 01-Dec-10 11:58:29

Marriage was hell for at least 3 years. Separated finally in August 2010. Reasonably amicable with regards to access to dcs, sort of worked out a financial arrangement.

Divorce papers have been filed although we are obviously not get divorced

I have met someone - it was about a month ago - and someone I did not know when I was married.

Obviously it needs to be kept from the dc at the moment - but is it too soon ?

BuntyPenfold Wed 01-Dec-10 12:04:29

Too soon for who?

Not for you obviously and good luck this time.

Do you think your children will be upset? Or your ex?

roomonthebroom Wed 01-Dec-10 12:10:55

I don't think it's too soon if you feel comfortable with it.

One of my friends seperated from her horrible husband a few months ago, but the marriage had been over for at least a year before the seperation so in her head she had moved on and is now ready to start dating again. Mybe you feel the same since you said the marriage had been hellish for 3 years? She will not introduce her DC to anyone new unless it looks like it will be a serious long term relationship which is sensible.

Have fun wink

pjmama Wed 01-Dec-10 12:12:13

If it feels good, do it! Enjoy yourself, you sound like you deserve some fun.

MrManager Wed 01-Dec-10 13:20:55

Of course not, YANBU.

You sound as if you haven't had an emotional (loving) connection to your ex-husband for 'at least 3 years', so go from that date. I wouldn't say three years is too soon.

Ooopsadaisy Wed 01-Dec-10 13:26:05

Life is too short.

So long as you are not planning your old-age together or anything drastic then what you are doing is perfectly ok. In fact, it's quite inspirational.

So many people are afraid to meet anyone or have lost all their confidence.

Good for you and good luck.

maktaitai Wed 01-Dec-10 13:26:40

Too soon to meet someone - no; too soon to fall in love - no; too soon to be happy; no.

Sounds like you are very sensible re too soon to meet dcs. What's not to like? Hope it goes well smile

FindingMyMojo Wed 01-Dec-10 13:44:47

you're a lucky Lemon and it sounds like you're well overdue some of the benefits of a lovely relationship. Enjoy! I hope it goes great for you.

classydiva Wed 01-Dec-10 13:46:04

I was with the kids farter for ten years, I finally got rid in the October, I met someone else I later married two months later, we spent seven years together.

Of course it is not too soon, your marriage was dead for a long time before it ended.

Have some fun, be you again.

Lonnie Wed 01-Dec-10 13:51:02

No its not to soon just be sensible about when you introduce the kids and how etc.. apart from that enjoy and have fun

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Wed 01-Dec-10 13:52:32

i left my ex straight into a relationship with DH - (wasn't married though) - probably would never have got the guts to leave ex if i hadn't started with DH, but basically the relationship was completely over and had been for a long time.

it's not too soon if it feels right for you, but don't forget to take it one day at a time.

Truckulent Wed 01-Dec-10 14:12:02

I wouldn't let your ex know until the divorce and finances are finalised- it could make things a bit less amicable.

Lemonstartree Wed 01-Dec-10 16:26:28

Thank you ! It doesn't feel too soon for me - emotionally the marriage was dead for ages. I am hoping to keep it quiet at least until the financials are agreed, tho' I think it will be hard to keep it quiet until we are actually divorced - likely to be 6 months away.

I am really happy and feel positive and enthusiastic.

I think my ex will be very very very upset. and he is likely to go completely bonkers....

not looking forward to that

superv1xen Wed 01-Dec-10 16:48:41

go for it!

if your marriage had been dead for a long while then why not? i got with my soon-to-be DH a few months after mine ended, but i had mentally checked out of it a long time before that.

2blessed2bstressed Wed 01-Dec-10 16:50:47

Don't overthink it! You've already said you'll wait before telling dcs, so just go and enjoy yourself for a bit smile

spidookly Wed 01-Dec-10 16:52:26


5GoldenFimbos Wed 01-Dec-10 16:56:22

I met dh about 3 weeks after coming out of a long term live in relationship. It was Christmas Eve and we were living together by the next summer. Didn't have any dc though.

Rudolphsnose Wed 01-Dec-10 16:57:03

I met DH when he was 4-5 months out of a 7 year marriage. If you feel ready it's fine. Enjoy

Jaym2017 Tue 21-Feb-17 19:08:25

Love the positivity of this thread - am not long out of a long term relationship but it very much was on the rocks for years and no intimacy for a good 6 months before we split after being in denial for a few months before it happened.

I have been asked out twice now by a really nice guy - I met him 3 months before my split but honestly in a public event with others in attendance and nothing 'going on' even on social media or text. So i'm just going with it and seeing how it goes. smile we share a passion / hobby so that helps and friends will be involved in public events around that. smile

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