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to not tell my friend what her fiance got up to on his stag weekend?

(644 Posts)
BottleOfRum Wed 01-Dec-10 11:38:02

Best friend is getting married to her partner of 5years. Have always thought they made a lovely couple.

DH, and a number of other mutual male friends went on the stag weekend. DH came home and said that the best man had organised strippers to turn up to the hotel room, and they hancuffed the groom-to-be to the bed, and one of the strippers gave groom-to-be a blow job.

I am absolutely disgusted by this. Mostly disgusted by the behaviour of the best man, who organised it, but also with all the men present, who must have been instrumental in handcuffing their friend to the bed. I can't believe how disrespectful it is to my friend who is getting married to him.

Now, since the groom-to-be was tied up, I don't blame him as much as the others - there is not much he could do apart from protest I would imagine.

If you knew this information, would you tell your best friend? My first thought was that its none of my business, and I wont mention it, but its been playing on my mind since, and I can imagine how hurt she would be with me if she knew I knew and didn't tell her.

OnlyWantsOne Wed 01-Dec-10 11:39:55

well... I would tell her yes, depending on how close you are.

Some friends of mine got wed, the groom slept with a prostitute ... and I didnt tell the bride. I couldnt. So I understand that its a hard call to make.

Would you want to know if you were her?

RJRabbit Wed 01-Dec-10 11:40:58

That's foul. And they all stood there and watched? Ewww.
Sorry, not sure what you should do but am thinking what she doesn't know....

bigchris Wed 01-Dec-10 11:42:12

If he was tied up and given a blow job in a room full of onlookers I'd say that was assault
he's probably mortified

bigchris Wed 01-Dec-10 11:43:16

And your dh watched and then told you ? Yuk on so many levels

Hullygully Wed 01-Dec-10 11:43:25

I'd tell her.

I once found something out two years after it happened (not to me) and knew it was too late to tell the person concerned. It troubles me everyday.

Mum2HarryandBen Wed 01-Dec-10 11:43:34

I would tell her, so that she can support him in ridding those people from his life and their marriage.

BigHairyGruffalo Wed 01-Dec-10 11:44:33

Could you talk to the groom-to-be first? Give him the chance to tell your friend.

BottleOfRum Wed 01-Dec-10 11:44:44

Eeek, sorry, that wasn't clear. Apparently all the men on the stag weekend tied him up (naked) to the bed, and then left the room. The best man had told the strippers that "nothing was off limits". Pig. The groom told them all afterwards that one of them gave him a blow job.

I get the feeling that whilst he would NEVER have initated it, once it started he was perfectly happy for it to continue, but obviously I can't know the full story since I wasn't there.

Mum2HarryandBen Wed 01-Dec-10 11:45:45

If I was her, I would not want that man as best man at my wedding, or being in my life in general.

bigchris Wed 01-Dec-10 11:45:51

Ah ok
I wouldn't tell
do you want to be the one who ruins the marriage, wedding etc?

bigbarnfarm Wed 01-Dec-10 11:46:59

I was going to say it sonds like assault too, but in a way it's a perfect defence for him "I was tied up"

I don't know what you shoudl do tbh but the best man sounds disgusting and I would not want him around after that if I were in her shoes.

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 01-Dec-10 11:49:46

I am really sorry to be the voice of dissent, but really you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I am sure she has some inkling of what he is capable of (leopards don't change their spots) and really just file in the 'really don't want/need to know' pile and move on.

<<Flame me, but even a president didn't think a blow job was 'sexual relations'>>

abouteve Wed 01-Dec-10 11:49:49

Don't believe the others left the room. They paid for strippers, they wanted to see strip and shove candles inside themselves and watch them give groom blow job. I know what can go on on some stag nights.

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree Wed 01-Dec-10 11:50:00

It is a really really hard call.

I think I would be inclined to talk to the groom and tell him you know and how uncomfortable it makes you feel. The problem with this is if he is half the bastard that his best man is, he is going to cause endless problems between you and your BF if you don't decide to tell her (and probably will anyway)

Don't envy your position at all sad

Mum2HarryandBen Wed 01-Dec-10 11:50:20

If it ever comes out, she will be furious with you and your dh also, in a way it kid of gets your dh off the hook, as he should have done something, I can understand when in a gang of drunk men with handcuffs why he did not intervene though!

abouteve Wed 01-Dec-10 11:50:42

Btw, I wouldn't tell, try and block it out of your mind.

MummyBerryJuice Wed 01-Dec-10 11:51:10

Well, I would blame the groom-to-be actually. Although the strikers wereninstructed that 'nothing was off limits' by the best man the gtb could easily have said no and I don't think the strippers would have continued (or even started tbh) without the gtb's consent (or request for that matter!)

(just a thought though, may he have been lying about what happened?)

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree Wed 01-Dec-10 11:52:09

bigchris I think it is fair to say that if this comes out it is the best man and the groom that ruined the wedding. Not the OP.

But I take your point if you mean the messanger will be shot.

Mum2HarryandBen Wed 01-Dec-10 11:52:57

Can a man who is drunk and is in the process of a bj, been tied up etc, actually stop himself enjoying it or not?

Itsjustafleshwound Wed 01-Dec-10 11:53:45

why did your DH think it was necessary to tell you?? To clear his conscience and put you in an awkward position with your friend - a real gent!!

Jins Wed 01-Dec-10 11:54:14

Well that's the last time your DH goes on a stag night then?

MummyBerryJuice Wed 01-Dec-10 11:55:23

I on't care whether he was enjoying it or not (he probably as on some level at least) but he is still perfectly capable of using his lips to say NO

abouteve Wed 01-Dec-10 11:56:01

Also I thought it was an unwritten rule that what happens on a stag do stays on a stag do. Cannot understand why your DH told you.

Jins Wed 01-Dec-10 11:57:39

Guilt from the DH I suppose. They are all as bad as each other. They all will have paid towards it and I doubt that they left the room very much

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