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am I ,ds had a friend to play the Mum was late

(77 Posts)
ChillyCinders Wed 01-Dec-10 07:39:40

and on leaving got out her diary to book
her ds into come and play when she is working

I used to be a nanny
this feels now like work,,

is she being cheeky or am I mean.

Louii Wed 01-Dec-10 07:42:52

Pretty cheeky, hope you said it didn't suit, if not ring her and cancel.

FrostyBaubles Wed 01-Dec-10 07:43:01

I think she is being very cheeky,she booked in her diary a playdate at yours whilst she is at work??

Maybe she is struggling for childcare over the Christmas season but i think she is taking the mickey really.

I would have said sorry we have lots on so not sure when we can do this again.

Chandon Wed 01-Dec-10 07:45:58

I would also decline, politely.

Just say it doesn't suit, maybe next week/month/term

Curiousmama Wed 01-Dec-10 07:47:33


MmeLindt Wed 01-Dec-10 07:48:16

Did she mean you to take him all day?

Goblinchild Wed 01-Dec-10 07:50:22

So what did you do?
If you rolled over, it's one of the reasons why the brass-faced and cheeky get away with this sort of rudeness.

spidookly Wed 01-Dec-10 07:54:17

shock shock

The only reason for that diary to be produced was to figure out when she could have your son back!

I hope you said no. Even if you were too embarrassed at the time (understandable given her unbelievable rudeness), ring her up and cancel.

I read a thread like this before a few years ago where WOHMs were trying to use SAHMs for free childcare during school holidays. I was speechless, and still find it hard to believe anyone could be that dreadful.

ChillyCinders Wed 01-Dec-10 08:01:19


I have been dim

having a strange week,

shall let him come on this occasion.

but they will be banned from ds bedroom

fecking glue everywhere

ps,should one say if they are not going home
when dropping a child off on a playdate.

thank you for the replies

Goblinchild Wed 01-Dec-10 08:03:58

For a playdate, you need to have instant contact details such as a mobile number.
Does it matter what she does with her time if her DS is on a playdate?

Goblinchild Wed 01-Dec-10 08:04:39

And yes, you have been lovely and dim. smile
That's how con artists get a mark.

Firawla Wed 01-Dec-10 08:04:49

I think thats really rude booking him in when she is @ work, if she needs help with you to have him while she is at work then she should ask that, not dress it up as a "playdate"
has she invited your ds back to hers? if not i do think she is just a cheeky cow trying to get free childminder. some people have no shame

spidookly Wed 01-Dec-10 08:07:03

I wish you would cancel. I'm with Goblin, these con artists need standing up to.

Still, I'm sure you have your reasons. Hope your week is not too strange, well not in a bad way anyway

MangoTango Wed 01-Dec-10 08:10:58

When is she planning on having your ds back?

PrettyCandles Wed 01-Dec-10 08:11:21

Downright rude.

I have looked after a working friend's dc during holidays, but it has always been arranged as a request, never an expec tation. And has always resulted in a bunch of flowers/box of chocolate/babysitting in return.

Lonnie Wed 01-Dec-10 08:15:30

Does she work full time and simply wouldnt be able to have your child over on a playdate whilst she was there>

Did you ask "Is your nanny ok with that?" I used to be a nanny and I loved it when we had friends over so was never a issue for me to do.

PinkElephantsOnParade Wed 01-Dec-10 08:24:39

Has she arranged a return match for your DS at hers?

I have quite often had my DCs spend odd days with friends during the hols but have always returned the favour. I have always waited for the offer to be made, would be just too rude to ask after someone has just had your DCs on a playdate.

WOHMs often come to arrangements to swap DCs over the holidays, but I would never ask a SAHM to do this without an intention to return the favour.

In an emergency I would call close friends to help out, but always with the understanding that I will return the favour.

I am very sensitive to the fact that holiday childcare for my DCs is my responsibility and am always grateful for offers of help, with the understanding thst I will return the favour.

However, I have had one SAHM of one of DDs friends frequently ask me to take her DD (only child) for whole days during the holidays so she can "have a break". She never offered to return the favour. Apparently I do not need a break or any help with my two DCs.

Thankfully, they have moved away do i do not need to deal with her.

OP, this woman is very rude and is not playing by the rules.

whatdoiknowanyway Wed 01-Dec-10 08:26:19

Hmmm. Bit mixed on this one. main question is does she reciprocate and have your son over to play at hers?
If she doesn't then,yes, that's really cheeky but if she takes her fair share of playdates then it could be that unless she uses her diary she has no hope of keeping track of everything.

I worked throughout my children's childhood and had to put everything in a diary or I was lost. However I did make sure I pulled my weight by having kids back to mine regularly, giving lifts etc.

I don't think it matters what mums do whilst their kids are on playdates so long as they are contactable and reciprocate.

LunarSea Wed 01-Dec-10 08:27:28

If she's having your ds back when she's not at work, then YABU because does it really matter what she's doing while he's on a reciprocal playdate at yours?

If it's a one-way arrangement then YANBU.

I'm gessing that most of your responses have been from those who aren't working themselves and perhaps don't appreciate the time pressures involved when you are. So if I work, and ds occasionally used to have an afterschool plyadate with a friend, and then we'd have the friend back at a weekend giving his mum a bit of child free time with her partner, was that being unreasonable? Sorry but it seemed like a win-win situation to us.

VictorianIce Wed 01-Dec-10 08:27:37

Invoice her. grin

PinkElephantsOnParade Wed 01-Dec-10 08:28:05

My Dcs go to private and quite often there are whole weeks when they are on holiday but the state schools are not, so there are no local holiday schemes running.

At these times it is very difficult for WOHMs so friends being willing to help is a lifeline.

However, it is very important to appreciate their help and always return the favour.

PinkElephantsOnParade Wed 01-Dec-10 08:33:43

I agree Lunar, it really does not matter where the mum is during the playdate as long as she is contactable and shows up at the agreed pick up time.

SAHMs often use the time during playdates to go out and run errands as well, and I would not be bothered about this as long as they are contactable by mobile.

Feelingsensitive Wed 01-Dec-10 08:35:19

YANBU for being cross if the mum was late without ringing ahead to say where she was.

YANBU for thinking she is being cheeky for booking her son in without reciprocating as she is clearly using you as free childcare.

I don't think it matters much where she is when you have the playdate as long as she is back to pick him up when you stipulate and you can contact her. I am assuming these are school aged children so I imagine quite a large majority of children who come on playdates after school will have parents working at the time.

If I were you I would cancel the playdate. I say this with a tad of bitterness after being used as free childcare by a WOHM. (I am a SAHM). Most people won't do this of course but be on your guard!

Goblinchild Wed 01-Dec-10 08:36:05

'I'm guessing that most of your responses have been from those who aren't working themselves, and perhaps don't appreciate the time pressures involved when you are'

As a working parent with totally inflexible hours, I have a very real understanding of how you don't exploit the goodwill of others.

DanZZZenAroundTheTreeAgain Wed 01-Dec-10 08:40:35

I bet the way she did it came across as rude. She picked up her ds, took out her diary and checked to see when it would suit her to send her ds there again when she'd be at work.

I am sure it was the manner of it, cinders wouldn't give a monkeys iif the mother was at home doing the ironing or at work punching numbers into a computer would be my guess.

I would call and cancel because I think she treated you more like a servant than a friend's mother but I suppose in a small village, you quite often have to bite your tongue and put up with rude people.

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