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open bottle of spirit at a gathering - fair game?

(118 Posts)
PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:21:01

DH and I are having a dispute.

DS was one years old on sunday. We had some people around to celebrate, people with children, in the afternoon, on sunday 2:30pm onwards, tea and cake.

We brought some little stubby beers so as to have a toast - 20 beers, 12 adults, some driving, some non-drinkers, DH had none of them, I had one, happy for people to help themselves.

DH and I had one manhattan to have our own toast, before most of the people arrived, say around 3pm. This involved a shot of bourbon which was only opened for that purpose, and it was left, lid on, on the kitchen side. This was not offered, apart from to one close person.

About 2 hours later, i went into the kitchen to find one of the known drinkers (was there with his wife and newborn, so had no 'responsibility' so to speak) with a large glass of bourbon and ice. so when he was out of the room i moved it so as not to encourage further consumption from him/others.

DH said i had no place being prickly about it, it was an open bottle of booze on the side, fair game for takers. my view is this was a 1 year old baby's birthday party, in the afternoon, not a cocktail party where everyone was getting drunk, there was no open invitation to help yourselves, only beer was offered, along with tea/coffee as per invitation, and just because we had alcohol in the kitchen does not make it fair game.

Am I or is he being unreasonable in our views?

BaDaBing Tue 30-Nov-10 21:23:33

Tbh you sound v uptight and inhospitable!

StuffingGoldBrass Tue 30-Nov-10 21:24:50

I think you are both reasonable, really, and I think the guest's behaviour was a bit rude but the guest may be more accustomed to parties where whatever is out on display is considered to be available for guests.
ANd if it was really that precious to you, you should have put it away,

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:25:14

lol! I would have been happy for him to have a glass if he asked, and he had plenty of other stuff to help himself to including beer!

snowplough Tue 30-Nov-10 21:25:56

A 1 yr old kids party without booze would be grim

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:26:56

except he is a good friend of ours, so knows us. or, apparantly not! he is not some acquaintance who just wandered on in to a house party, totally get that under those circumstances it would be swooped in minutes.

So, what you are saying is that, at my Ds first birthday party, i must stash all my alcohol so my close friends don't think it is fair game...?! ok!

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:27:49

snowplough ah, but there was beer, and surely it would be customary to bring a little something for the stressed parents? grin

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:29:57

AND there was home made scones, with jam and tons of clotted cream, and mini cornish pasties, cake...

trixymalixy Tue 30-Nov-10 21:32:44

Sorry, I think any drinks left out would be fair game. I would expect any guest of mine to help themselves to anything lying out.

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:33:04

oh i just re-read my post. when I said 'i moved it' i did not mean his glass of drink! i meant the open bottle of bourbon. I would not have been able to prise the glass of whiskey from his hands even if I had wanted to!!!

Vallhala Tue 30-Nov-10 21:33:47

I think your guest was bloody rude. You just don't help yourself in someone elses house unless you are invited to. Just because the item is on the side in the kitchen doesn't mean it was for him to take.

I bet your DH wouldn't be quite so cool about it if the guest had seen the keys to DH's new car on the kitchen table and thought that as they were there he was entitled to use them...

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:34:31

But it was not 'lying out' it was sat on the side, against the wall alongside an open bottle of red wine with cap on, and the olive oil bottles!

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 21:36:21

valhalla yey! someone agrees with me! I would not help myself to someone's bourbon if when i walked in i was offered beer/tea/coffee either. I would wait to be offered that type of drink, unless it was an adult party where everyone was helping themselves, including the host.

taintedsnow Tue 30-Nov-10 21:37:22

Where were the beers located? If in the kitchen/near the bourbon, YABslightlyU, as it would seem a bit like it was all on offer.

If he walked into your kitchen, well away from the other drinks, and helped himself, then YANBU and he was quite rude.

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 22:09:49

bourbon on kitchen side, beer in fridge, near as in it is a small kitchen, but not sat with the food/in the fridge.

LoudRowdyDuck Tue 30-Nov-10 22:13:12

I think what was rude was offering guests beer when you opened spirits for your toast!

nancydrewrockinaroundxmastree Tue 30-Nov-10 22:15:18

PMSL at you opened a bottle and only offered it to one close person. Are you 15?

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 22:16:44

oh no the toast was a private toast, between me, DH and one other person, to celebrate our little boy, before others arrived, and certainly before this person arrived! The beer was for everyone to say cheers to our baby becoming one, and couple more if they wanted! The bourbon was put back, but on the kitchen side and not high up, which is where it 'lives' if unopened (was a new unopened bottle, so only two shots were taken from it).

perfumedlife Tue 30-Nov-10 22:18:40

I think you are being rather tight and mean. I would much rather my friends felt at home enough in my home to help themselves to anything in the kitchen and leave me to busy around the kids.

Why should the guest bring stressed parents a little something? Surely they did well to bring a gift for the birthday child?

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 22:19:13

it was not offered to people as they walked in, as in, it was not on offer, not that I made a point of offering to one and not others. the one person it was offered to was already there when we poured it, so they were offered it, they were a close friend so joined us in our love-in toast!

Hassledge Tue 30-Nov-10 22:20:33

I think you and your guest had different ideas re what sort of party it was. Had it been a party party (evening, music etc) yes, of course the bourbon would have been fair game. He managed to blend 1 year old's party (is it a year already? I remember you being PG and the builders in) with a party party - some people are just a bit crap at social stuff like that. It's not a big deal, really.

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 22:21:23

'Why should the guest bring stressed parents a little something? Surely they did well to bring a gift for the birthday child?' my bit was said in jest really. I did not expect anyone to bring anything, not even presents. And this person did not bring DS a present, so guess he did not do well there wink

perfumedlife Tue 30-Nov-10 22:22:02

These bloody gatherings do my head in. Right in the middle of the Sunday, little booze, pastries to clog you up and ruin dinner. Then making your way home at five o'clock, the day all but finished, just to toast someone's child's birthday. My idea of hell.

I don't think anyone enjoys attending these things, apart from immediate family maybe? No? And to top it off, the hostess being precious about her booze. Smashing.

PavlovtheCat Tue 30-Nov-10 22:23:00

hassled no not a big deal at all, just me a DH having a difference of opinion so I thought I would throw it out there. It was sorted quickly enough by me putting the bottle back on the shelf where it was not seen. It has gone quickly though hasn't it?!! (and we won court case against the builder, for what it was worth!)

perfumedlife Tue 30-Nov-10 22:23:31

He turned up, that's doing well in my book.

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