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WOW - just lost it big style and couldn't care less who thinks IABU!!

(163 Posts)
changingchangingonetwo Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:26

Long term poster - nice ham, red rug, dizzymare, Shiney's penguin date etc etc - name changed

Back story - this week has probably been the most stressful week of my career, with today being the pinnacle of that stress. DH has been aware of this. Moderately supportive but been relying on parents for most support and helpful advice.

I usually cook but if I don't get home "in time", then DH will cook. For himself. Beans or similar. Never bothers to text to ask if want anything. This is a massive bone of contention in itself as I think it is completely fucking selfish as I work much longer hours in any event.

As with the rest of the country, we have snow. I left work at 6:50pm after The World's Worst Day (tm). Went via supermarket as thought I would get something nice for us. Fall over on ice. Bang head badly. Arrive home. DH on phone to his mother. He breaks from his call long enough to advise that he has already eaten so no need to cook for him. Removes himself from my vicinity to continue inconsequential chat with his mother. Has not bothered to text or call to ask where I am/what is happening for food/how was today. Nothing.

I have completely lost it. I have never felt like this before in my life. The red mist I have heard of has descended.

I have pulled everything out of the packages which I bought and thrown in the bin. I have literally ripped of my work clothes which are now unwearable - I couldn't give a fuck. I just managed to restrain myself from trashing the kitchen.

I have barricaded myself in the spare room with the chest of drawers. It is all I can do to restrain myself from physically attacking H. I have NEVER felt anger like this before which is actually quite scary. Prior to tonight, I have NEVER even considered hitting someone. I actually could take a baseball bat to his car (his pride and joy).

I had thought that I might calm down when posting but it has actually made me even more angry.

I don't actually know why I am posting.

mum2all Tue 30-Nov-10 20:22:03

I really feel for you sounds like you've had a sh*t day and just wanted to come home, have a nice dinner and relax. Try taking your mind off things - reading a book, going for a bath- and steer clear of 'D'H for a while. Would it help to rant a bit more on here? xx

Hawkmoth Tue 30-Nov-10 20:22:50

Well done for barricading yourself in the room... I have been that cross, and DH would have been holding the phone 'handsfree'...

It's obviously something you needed to do, and no real harm done.

rowingboat Tue 30-Nov-10 20:23:39

What an absolute nightmare of a day. It could be worth having your head checked, it could be a concussion, which does make people act strangely. I have had one and I can't remember what I said, but my family said I was talking rubbish and was quite stroppy when they asked me what had happened. I fell off a motor bike and then drove home, but couldn't remember going home.
Re your DH totally out of order, if you are cooking for him then he should be cooking for you. YOu aren't flatmates, you are a couple and should be eating together where possible.
He wasn't to know you had hurt yourself though so I don't think you can hold that against him when he was on the phone. The real issue here is that he isn't pulling his weight and seems blissfully unaware. Think it is time to disabuse him of this idea.
Firstly tell him what happened and let him take care of you.

Maryqueenoftots Tue 30-Nov-10 20:23:43

YANBU. He is a selfish wanker.

Hope your head is ok.

bigbarnfarm Tue 30-Nov-10 20:24:07

Get the baseball bat, he deserves it, fucking selfish cunt.

HecateQueenOfWitches Tue 30-Nov-10 20:24:29

wow. I think putting yourself in a 'timeout' is a bloody good idea.

I am not surprised you have flipped. A pattern of utter selfishness and thoughtlessness over a long period of time will eventually cause fireworks!

Do nothing. Take time to calm yourself before even thinking what to do next.

perfumedlife Tue 30-Nov-10 20:24:32

Oh you poor love. I kind of know what you mean about the red mist. Scary when that happens.

It seems this is the culmination of a terrible week and a longer span of useless, inattentive dh.

PutOnThePan Tue 30-Nov-10 20:24:39

Sorry - am reasonably new but didn't want to read and run.

YANBU - anyone would flip out at being made to feel inconsequential, taken for granted and ignored by someone who is supposed to be the one person who should support you.

Calm and breathe - take care of yourself. I've lurked
long enough to know that very experienced people will give you much better advice than me but I'm sorry you've had such a horrible day.

CoronaAndLime Tue 30-Nov-10 20:24:57


You are obv nbu.

Maybe stay where you are for a bit then have a bath to calm down.

Hows your head?

I would be mad as frogs if I were you btw but no good will come from a screaming row/smashing shit up.

needafootmassage Tue 30-Nov-10 20:28:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItalianLady Tue 30-Nov-10 20:28:04

You really need to get your head checked out or at least phone nhs direct/ooh doctors for advice.

maybe your husband thinks it is fine to not cook for you if you have never said otherwise.

classydiva Tue 30-Nov-10 20:28:12

I think you need to vent, it is a build up of all the things that are wrong in your relationship.

The fact that you travelled in the snow and he couldn't give a monkeys arse how you are getting home, if you will be okay, then coming home to find he is on the phone, not coming off to say hey how you doing, you go get in the bath I make you something to eat.

You don't feel cared for.

You need to.

ICouldHaveWrittenThis Tue 30-Nov-10 20:28:16

How's your head? Second the advice about getting checked out, you may well have concussion check out the symptoms

LookToWindward Tue 30-Nov-10 20:30:44

Let's flip the genders on the OP and see the response shall we?

Anyway, FWIW you sound like you have some serious issues around aggression. Have you spoken to someone on a professional basis about this?

Having said that, if this is something out of the blue it may be worth ringing NHS direct and having a chat about possible concussion?

changingchangingonetwo Tue 30-Nov-10 20:32:01

Apparently it is his father's birthday today. Can't remember. Can't think straight.

He has come up the stairs to sceam at me that I am a selfish, self-centred bitch for trying to stop him speaking to his family[hmm. Missing the point on purpose, as ever.

I actually want to call the police to get him or me taken away. This is madness. We both have jobs, where if we were arrested we would probably be struck off but I just want him or me to be somewhere else.

When I was little, I remember my mum saying once that she felt like running away. I know how she felt now.

bigbarnfarm Tue 30-Nov-10 20:32:13

Switched the genders?

Man trashes own stuff and locks himself in room?

Yeah, I'd want him hung for that hmm

CoronaAndLime Tue 30-Nov-10 20:33:46

biscuit @ LookToWindward

bigbarnfarm Tue 30-Nov-10 20:33:51

OP, can you get out of the house? Just get out, walk to a cafe for a hot drink or something to give you time to calm down away from him?

classydiva Tue 30-Nov-10 20:33:59

OMG so she has one flip said never felt like this before, and she has issues around aggression> Please get a grip.

I have twice felt the way the OP has, and I am not in the least bit violent. Hate any form of violence.

But sometimes it takes one button push too many.

She scared herself.

Issues around aggression my ass.

ChickensHaveNoMercyForTurkeys Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:18

How is your head? Do you need any treatment?

ChippingIn Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:26

I know it's a monumental pain in the arse - but I agree you should get your head checked out.

THEN take to DH with the baseball bat - don't take it out on the innocent car!

S, if you aren't home 'on time' to cook for you both - he doesn't bother to prepare something for both of you - he simply eats himself?????

How long exactly has he been being this fucking selfish for???

junkcollector Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:36

I don't necessarily think YABU and I do think he is being inconsiderate. However is this out of character? Cos acting like that could be a sign of concussion.

NonnoMum Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:46

Calm down. I've had "red mist" moments and it does just take you over. (I have been known to break a few plates in my time!!)

Phone NHS direct now and get some advice re the concussion.

Would be good to talk to someone completely impartial.

HecateQueenOfWitches Tue 30-Nov-10 20:35:53

My response would be the same.

Total and utter selfishness and thoughtlessness and an 'I'm alright Jack' attitude shows a complete lack of respect and dare I say it love. When you love someone, you think about them. To not give a crap about them, even something as basic as sticking something in the oven for them when you are eating - shows you don't give a shit about them.

Gender is irrelevent.

I would understand a man finally erupting as much as a woman.

I would not understand physical violence from either. But a rage? Under such circumstances? Yes.

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