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Everyone's a fucking expert

(62 Posts)
MadAboutQuavers Tue 30-Nov-10 20:14:27

... And it's beginning to really piss me off

I'm currently breastfeeding our three week old DS. He's struggling to settle in the evenings,preferring to feed on and off for several hours until he finally falls asleep in bed next to me, after which he goes into his Moses basket and will stay there during the night feeds, which are every three hours.

My mum is convinced i'm making a "rod for your own back" in that i'm obviously picking him up too much, and should never allow him to go to sleep in bed with me. I pick him up not at every noise, but when his grizzles turn into crying, and I know he's starting to feel distressed. How the hell she can make this assessment when she's 80 miles away beats me, to be frank.

And DP has just doubly pissed me off by saying that he doesn't think we leave him to cry for long enough either. He's three weeks old FFS hmm

I feel like telling them to both fuck off. But their comments have put doubts in my head that i'm mollycoddling our son.

Am I being unreasonable to want to ignore them?

mummyshreddingnora Tue 30-Nov-10 20:15:32

sounds like he's cluster feeding! Google it then baffle them with the facts - stupid people!

cazzybabs Tue 30-Nov-10 20:15:33

oh god ignore ...

NinkyNonker Tue 30-Nov-10 20:16:50

YANBU. Definitely not. 3 weeks is tiny tiny. DD is 4 months and we still treat her that way. Once she is old enough to understand and trust that we are still there when she can't see us we'll start leaving her longer etc, but babies need to be able to trust that their parents/care givers are there for them. (But DD is my first, so what do I know!)

WhyIsThatThen Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:17

You said it yourself.....he is 3 weeks old ffs.

Tell them to fuck off. You are doing everything right. Let the baby comfort feed, it will encourage your milk more.
IMO, and I am always right, you cannot spoil a baby that young.

You are doing a fab job, keep up the bf.

SleepWhenImDead Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:23

Ignore ignore ignore them, 3 weeks is extremely young to ignore your baby. Part of becoming a mother is to develop a thick skin to others' helpful suggestions. Oh and 9 month old DS2 is still being picked up when crying (for a little while), and comes into bed in the early hours of the morning when he won't sleep. Enjoy your baby!

ccpink Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:28

Tell them to butt out. He's 3 weeks!!!! Enjoy your snuggles

FoxyRevenger Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:34

Of course not, ignore!! He is just so tiny at the moment, you really really really can't spoil a three week old baby.

Tee2072 Tue 30-Nov-10 20:17:41

Ignore ignore ignore.

Rod for you own back is the stupidest expression ever created.

Do what feels right. Tell them both to fuck off. But nicely. grin Or not so nicely and blame the hormones!

CommanderDrool Tue 30-Nov-10 20:18:08

Tell them to fuck off.

bigbarnfarm Tue 30-Nov-10 20:18:19

YANBU but you have one golden lesson yet to learn.

DO NOT TELL PEOPLE THIS STUFF AND THEY CANNOT COMMENT ON IT. IF THEY ASK ABOUT IT, LIE IF YOU HAVE TO.

It is none of their business.

duchesse Tue 30-Nov-10 20:18:47

At this stage, you do what comes naturally. And tiny babies naturally need to be picked up and held. So you are entirely R and your sundry rels are entirely UR.

SpikyBinkle Tue 30-Nov-10 20:18:53

Ignore. I felt the same way with DD1 - some people made me feel really awkward but baby crying made me feel worse. I vowed not to listen to it this time. So glad I didn't. She is settling into a routine just fine. It's nonsense to time BF babies in my opinion. Don't think that mothers hundreds of years ago worried about how long had passed between feeds.

MrsChemist Tue 30-Nov-10 20:19:00

If she's 80 miles away, just lie. It's what we did. It was easier that way.

rubyslippers Tue 30-Nov-10 20:19:33

Cluster feeding usual breastfed baby behaviour
Wanting to be near to mum - usual too (for any baby)

My co-sleeping, breastfed bAby is now a lovely toddler who sleeps in her own cot and would in now way entertain sleeping in my bed with me sad

New babies should never be left to cry either

Tell them to fuck off!

garrowismylaw Tue 30-Nov-10 20:19:49

Tell them both to get stretched. you are his mother, his main carer, so you know how to look after him best. If DH not happy tell him to do it himself...that should shut him up. As for your mum, just tell her things have changed since you were a baby.
Now go and lie down and relax wink

parakeet Tue 30-Nov-10 20:20:04

Everyone feels differently about co-sleeping. Some swear blind it is a wonderful experience. Others find it very disturbing to their sleep.

I personally found it helpful to take them in to bed with me sometimes, but I tried to wean them off it as soon as I could, by trying to delay picking them up - as you are doing. Right now he's only 3 weeks though, so he's still very young. It sounds like it's helping you at the moment so I would stick with what you're doing for now, continuing to try to tail it off. Good luck.

YourNewFriend Tue 30-Nov-10 20:20:10

Ask them if they've ever heard of a mothers instinct.

Then tell them to bog off.

ItalianLady Tue 30-Nov-10 20:20:18

YANBU.

You are giving your baby what he needs. What can be wrong with that?

mollycuddles Tue 30-Nov-10 20:20:48

I'd be telling them to f off myself - although possibly under my breath (well mum anyway). By the ridiculous advice of mum I'd guess she hasn't bf and dh certainly hasn't. I hate the whole rod for your back bolleaux. You absolutely cannot cuddle a new baby too much and research shows that babies that cry more as newborns because they're needs aren't met are still crying more at 6 months. Babies that are cuddled loads and are responded to are happier when they're older. How would dh or dm like to be helpless, crying and distressed and left alone to cry? Grrrr.

nickytwotimes Tue 30-Nov-10 20:21:40

You are doing brilliantly.

I made the mistake of listening to the rod comments with ds1 and ended up not being able to bf because poor soul wasn't getting a chance. Not so with ds2!

No such thing as rod for back with babies. They are designed to be near their Mum/parent/warm thing with heart beat and to custer feed in the evening.

Good on you for sticking to what you know is right.

magicmummy1 Tue 30-Nov-10 20:21:50

Ignore. Tell them to fuck off. Do whatever your instinct tells you to do.

We co-slept, let dd feed whenever she wanted to, never left her to cry etc. Everyone said that we were making a rod for our own back - lost track of how many times that must have been said to me. She is now 5 and I know that it was absolute bollocks.

Your baby is 3 weeks old FFS!!! Enjoy!

DreamingofFour Tue 30-Nov-10 20:22:25

Think people misremember different stages of babyhood - while you could reasonably hope to put baby down for the night at around 8pm and then relax yourself when baby is six months old, you definitely cannot at 3 weeks!! I always spent the entire evening with baby on breast or grizzling for the first few months then it settled down. In fact remember counting up number of hours that I spent with baby actively breastfeeding - it was something crazy like 14 hours out of each 24. But your only job right now is to feed baby so can grow, trust your instincts!

PS so recognise the phrase 'rod for your own back' - often uttered in same breath as ' have you tried cooled boiled water?' and ' he is just using your nipple as a dummy'

linziluv Tue 30-Nov-10 20:23:00

I agree with NinkyNonker...ignore...babies learn independence from there parents which means picking them up when they cry!. Even if there is nothing wrong with the baby, it may be crying for a cuddle off mummy. Once he learns you're not gone forever, then he'll feel more secure.
3 weeks old FFS!! You sound like you're doing a fab job anyway so just let your mum know it's a long, ling time since the olden days...lol...times have changed!!

anonacfr Tue 30-Nov-10 20:23:42

IGNORE THEM!!!!! 3 weeks is tiny. He needs to feel you and be in your arms. Milk supply can be lower in the evening which is why a lot of babies feed more and find it more difficult to settle.
Of course there is also (as mentioned) the cluster feeding.

At that age if he's crying he needs you. Leaving him to get more upset is pointless and upsetting for the both of you. Better to give him a big cuddle and some milk!

Follow your instinct, he's your baby and you know him better than anyone.

Ninky is totally right BTW.

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