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Not to cook Christmas dinner - DH is saying I am

(61 Posts)
qualitystreetrosescelebrations Tue 30-Nov-10 19:37:46

As I've already had one post today telling me that I was unreasonable - I am prepared for the second.

My nuclei of a family is four - due to nature of family work/distances etc, my plan for christmas day is as follows:

Leisurely morning, nice cold buffet lunch (ham, bread, chocolates, sweets, nibbles)

3pmish go to elderly PILs for afternoon tea, taking cakes, mince pies etc with us.

5pmish go to my mother's, who due to her business, will have turkey and all the trimmings, and has said she'll feed us then.

This is supposedly where I am being unreasonable in DH's eyes, because we won't want christmas dinner then will we, because we'll already have eaten it in the day.

I said no, because of the cold lunch, which he knew about, and me not being bothered to cook all the trimmings for christmas lunch, when we can get 5* (literally) quality food, for free.

He has no problem with going to mum's and how much time we spend there, but is adament I should do christmas dinner at lunch time because that's when christmas dinner is. Who of us is BU?

pjmama Tue 30-Nov-10 19:39:25

If he wants it so badly, why can't he cook it?

Firawla Tue 30-Nov-10 19:39:34

well you wouldn't want two dinners would you so its more logical for you to save the work and eat it @ your mums as its going to be available there, so i dont see why you are bu.

Tortington Tue 30-Nov-10 19:40:22

he should cook it if hes so fucking bothered

is he disabled in some way?

taintedsnow Tue 30-Nov-10 19:40:27

Your DH is being unreasonable. It's not like you are not going to have a Christmas dinner at all is it?

gingernutlover Tue 30-Nov-10 19:40:37

is he happy to help cook it at lunch time?

if so then maybe you can reach a compromise, if he intends to sit in front of the tv while you do it all ...

LemonDifficult Tue 30-Nov-10 19:40:56


Your DH BvvvvvU

In fact, he sounds a bit mad.

brizzagirl Tue 30-Nov-10 19:41:00

Well I don't think I could eat more than one full Xmas dinner but my DH could!!! YANBU.

kat2504 Tue 30-Nov-10 19:41:30

I don't think you are in the wrong. He will still get a Christmas dinner but he will get it at teatime after having a light lunch at lunch time. No probs. Why slave away cooking a lunch when one is being made anyway Also if you have Xmas dinner at lunchtime, what will you do when you go to your mother's? You surely won't want to just sit there watching them eating their dinner.
We don't eat ours till at least 3pm, nearer to 4pm really. Otherwise you have to get up at the crack of dawn to start it.
Suggest he cooks Xmas dinner at lunch time. Perhaps he will change his tune a bit more quickly!!

onepieceoflollipop Tue 30-Nov-10 19:42:04


Well, it doesn't bother me in the slightest when/if we eat Christmas lunch. This has been due to various historical and practical factors. Such as some Christmas Days I have worked, on other occasions we have been visiting my parents say on the 26th or 27th and having the full meal then.

However I think I am unusual in this opinion. Thankfully my dh is very flexible and will eat what is on offer (or cook his own if he is bothered) and my dcs are too young to realise that it is "wrong" to only have 2 veggies with Christmas dinner or chicken instead of turkey etc.

Suggest to your dh that he leaves room for his Christmas dinner which will in fact be the meal that your mother is providing at 5pm.

bigchris Tue 30-Nov-10 19:42:05

What a twat! So he wants to eat two Xmas dinners? Is he huge?!?

fruitful Tue 30-Nov-10 19:42:08

Well, if your dh is prepared to spend the morning cooking it, (and pay for it), then it is up to him - he can cook it, can't he. Tell him it is entirely up to him. His choice ...

mamas12 Tue 30-Nov-10 19:42:30

Why you do what Dawn French did in the vicar of dibley and have three xmas dinners in one day by making another one for elderly pils!

Make it himself!

fayc84 Tue 30-Nov-10 19:43:16

He is - you're having Christmas dinner in the evening. Having two full turkey dinners is a bit much. Perhaps you could let him know that as you've agreed to go to your mum's it would be unfair to fill up before and then not want to eat the food she is preparing. I don't see anything unreasonable about a nice buffet lunch, mince pies in the afternoon then a full on Crimbo dinner later on. Mmm...I really fancy a roast right now!

Chunkamatic Tue 30-Nov-10 19:43:21

Tell him that in our family we have always eaten Xmas dinner in the evening, so it doesn't have to be served at Lunchtime.

I think your day sounds really nice - i'll come if he doesn't want to!!

TottWriter Tue 30-Nov-10 19:44:03

YANBU - we usually have the proper meal in the evening, sometimes as late as 9-10pm when visiting my Nana, who, bless her, isn't so good at timings.

ChippingIn Tue 30-Nov-10 19:44:09

He is BU without a shadow of a doubt, if he wants it so much tell him he is free to shop, prepare & cook it!

Kaloki Tue 30-Nov-10 19:45:44

YANBU at all. He's crazy!

spidookly Tue 30-Nov-10 19:46:11

YANBU, your DH is.

BootyMum Tue 30-Nov-10 19:46:16

Your DH is being very unreasonable imo.

I think what you had planned sounds lovely and very sensible too. What is the problem with having a lovely Christmas meal at dinner time rather than lunch time???

If he is so bothered about this tell him he is welcome to cook Christmas lunch at lunchtime if he wishes. If he is the one who wants it so badly [when he's getting the full deal with all the trimmings later hmm] he should be the one to do it. He is being very very unreasonable [and controlling] if he is expecting you to cook a lunchtime Christmas meal too...

magicmummy1 Tue 30-Nov-10 19:47:10

We always have it in the evening in our family anyway - we usually have a nice champagne breakfast (well, brunch) at around 11-ish, cake or mince pies in the afternoon and then a big meal later on.

Agree with those who say that your DH needs to cook the Christmas lunch if he wants to eat it.

happycamel Tue 30-Nov-10 19:48:26

We do christingle on Christmas Eve, Midnight Mass, (eat pain au chocolat for brekkie) 9:30 Christmas Day church service then smoked salmon sandwiches and Christmas cake for lunch then presents then Christmas dinner around 7:30. Choir obligations mean we can't miss any services.

I can't imagine having a full roast ready at lunch time, dealing with raw meat shortly after breakfast doesn't appeal at all, especially after so little sleep.

Do people really eat a full meal at lunch time? We wouldn't on a normal Sunday either, church doesn't finish 'til nearly 12pm and anyway dinner is for dinner time.

clam Tue 30-Nov-10 19:48:55

We've taken to sliding Christmas dinner back and back til we now have it at about 5, as it's so nice to open presents while glugging champagne leisurely without DH one of us keep nipping out to the kitchen to check on the food. It's also much more atmospheric to eat by candlelight, as long as no one sets their napkin on fire like the last two years!

TrinityMotherOfRhinos Tue 30-Nov-10 19:49:13

he is being a twat

he is getting a xmas diiner

end of

ballstoit Tue 30-Nov-10 19:49:33

YANBU, tell him we're having ours on the 27th because DSS's are at their Mum's on the day. Perhaps that'll make 4pm on the 25th seem pretty early!

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