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AIBU to ask you all to help me plan my defence so DH doesnt murder me when he gets home

(75 Posts)
Ray81 Tue 30-Nov-10 13:23:26

So inspired by a thread on Chat re deep cleaning your house i started it this morning. I did the kitchen, wiped all walls down, kick boards, table and chair legs, oven etc etc. then started on the front room, stairs and porch.

Well when i did the porch the carpet is so Dirty in there and was realy annoying me, i knew we had some carpet left over from doing the bedroom in the loft so went and got it out. Was enough to fit in the porch grin. Ripped carpet up [very satisfying] but lo and behold i am NOT a carpet fitter and therefore cannot fit the new carpet, beleive me i have tried.

So i am left with a floor without carpet and i dont think DH will be very impressed. I think i am going to pleased insanity grin. I have just added one more jon to the thousand he has to do bless him.

anyone know of any other defense thats better then the insanity one if so pass them this way please. grin

taintedsnow Tue 30-Nov-10 13:25:53

Have you considered nudity for when he gets home? Part distraction, part excitement, result being that he doesn't care as much about the carpet.

Of course <ahem>, I have never done this....hmm

Theantsgomarching Tue 30-Nov-10 13:26:44

Oh lord...PMSL

hahahahahahaha

That'll teach you [no help at all emoticon] grin

thesecondcoming Tue 30-Nov-10 13:26:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

create Tue 30-Nov-10 13:31:07

What do you mean you can't do it? How have you tried and what part defeated you?

We had the space under the stairs made into a cupboard, but it was full of brick dust and needed plaster boarding before it could be used. I got fed up waiting for DH and "lined" it with carpet and nails. Does the job and is still up 6 years later!!

Cutting the carpat was the hardest bit - I used wallpaper scissors!

MagnamOfChristmasCheer Tue 30-Nov-10 13:32:14

<coffee spat over phone>

Brilliant. Like the idea of scantily clad grin

Sarthrell Tue 30-Nov-10 13:32:35

Ha ha ha this is karma for attrmpting something so insane aa to 'deep clean' upur house. A wipe with a baby wipe is considered sufficient here mostly. wink

seriously though, do you not know anyone who could help you out here? A friend or friend of friend who could do you a favour for a quick drink? Get on the phone now and start asking.

olderyetwider Tue 30-Nov-10 13:32:53

Completey agree with taintedsnow. Filthy smile and few clothes at the door is your only hope.

Bucharest Tue 30-Nov-10 13:33:32

Oh yes, dangle bits of the carpet on the end of your nips, and tell him you were so gagging for him you had to have at the carpet. He'll be flattered.

Bucharest Tue 30-Nov-10 13:34:02

Long bits of carpet. Go and put them on now and practice doing that 2 directional swirly thing.

FunkySnowSkeleton Tue 30-Nov-10 13:37:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smellmycheese Tue 30-Nov-10 13:37:38

make a jodie marsh style belt n boob strap ensemble out of the remaining carpet. doubt he'll care about much else!

Mittz Tue 30-Nov-10 13:47:30

Apart from tittering to myself.. can you not use the existing bit of carpet as a template?

QuizteamBleakley Tue 30-Nov-10 13:49:16

Men are just like carpets - lay 'em right and you can walk over 'em for years!

oldraver Tue 30-Nov-10 13:50:54

Have you totally ripped the old carpet to pieces or just pulled it up ? If its still in usuable pieces cut a tepmplate from the old carpet, just a little bigger, shove it in and just plead lack of time to finish it off

Ray81 Tue 30-Nov-10 13:51:56

Taintedsnow nudity would be a good plan if DDs werent up when DH gets home.

Create well in our porch we have a cupboard and the door wpont open when carpet is down and as washing machione is in there kinda need it to open ifkwim. short of taking the door off and shaving some off the bottom i wont get the carpet down.

Sarthrell yes i beleive it is karma wont be doing any deep cleaning EVER again.

Funky That will be my defence then - the porch wasnt supposed to have carpet in the first bloody place smile will show him your post.

Tortington Tue 30-Nov-10 13:52:06

cutting carpets not hard is it

wb Tue 30-Nov-10 13:54:21

Or try this...

Have carpet plus fitting stuff out when he gets home and tell him all about 'your great project for the porch' and that 'you are just about to lay the carpet'. Then start to do it in the most convincing way possible.

W. my dh this would result in him taking over lending a hand in seconds. It also avoids any discussion of whether the project is urgent or not . He gets panicky if I attempt DIY (a bit insulting cause I'm not that bad).

Ray81 Tue 30-Nov-10 13:54:22

Old carpet is now in the garden confused i just had to get it out the way [stupid woman emotion]

Umm am wondering if i should hand him a note saying I O U ladda ladda ladda. Ideas anyone

MangoTango Tue 30-Nov-10 13:54:57

Get naked and when he comes in rub the carpet you pulled up all over yourself in a suggestive manner. He will then be delighted that you thought of such a sexy way to use some old carpet.

taintedsnow Tue 30-Nov-10 13:56:28

You have DDs? Blame it on the children. That's what they're there for you daft woman!

<whistles and shifts awkwardly>

Have of course never blamed anything on a child unreasonably....

get some stick on tiles, or wood effect vinyl - you can get really good stuff nowadays. Spray glue and bobs your uncle.

Ray81 Tue 30-Nov-10 14:00:33

Tainted DD1 is 8 and tiny so wouldnt be able to pull it up ALTHOUGH she could have split something on it.

DD2 No chance she is 6months dont think he will buy it somehow.

He just called and asked how my day is, me all calm telling i am having a good clean. Him " oh no " he knows mw soooooooooooo well grin

Unrulysun Tue 30-Nov-10 14:01:15

A fox must have got into the porch. You wouldn't believe the smell. I've disinfected and cleaned and even taken up the old carpet and disposed of it. I know, you don't have to thank me. All you have to do now is pop this carpet down. Mmmmhmmm I'm inspired today aren't I? I just remembered that we had it in the loft. I just like to save you work wherever I can darling. I'm just so glad it didn't get into the house. Think of the children.

sherby Tue 30-Nov-10 14:01:28

go and get the old carpet

lay it over the new stuff template stylee

cut around

go to b&q and get spray carpet glue stuff (don't bother with grippers too difficult)

spray and stick down new carpet

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