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to want to stop sending christmas presents to my step-sisters children, as she takes the labels off

(377 Posts)
NappyShedSal Tue 30-Nov-10 10:04:07

My step sister tells her children that all christmas presents come from Father Christmas. So she takes off any labels that are attached to the presents so that the children don't know they have come from someone else. She lives abroad so I have to post the presents, otherwise I'd hand them to the children themselves. Now, I know that it's her family's tradition. But a little bit of me feels like not bothering to get nice presents as the children don't know that I've gone to the effort.

TrillianAdAstra Tue 30-Nov-10 10:06:08

Every present comes from Father Christmas? Bonkers.

Won't the children wonder why the parents are going shopping for other people? Or why there are so many adverts for toys when the toys are all handmade by elves at the North Pole?

GrimmaTheNome Tue 30-Nov-10 10:06:52

Don't use labels, write on the wrapping paper.

But out of deference to your SS, something like 'Father Chrismas asked me to pick out something from my country which I thought you might like'

TheButterflyEffect Tue 30-Nov-10 10:07:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheButterflyEffect Tue 30-Nov-10 10:07:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaWeaselMys Tue 30-Nov-10 10:07:54

Can you send letters seperately mentioning the gifts you bought? Or write all over the wrapping paper or packaging (or stick a note inside?)

Obviously, it is unfair of her to do this!

But, if you're not buying for the gratitude you should probably send them anyway. At some point they will be too old to believe and will start getting your gifts.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 30-Nov-10 10:08:28

So, you want the credit for the presents for yourself, and unless the kids know they were from YOU, you just wont bother...
hmm

But your Step sister knows they are from you, does that not count?
The step sister does not get the credit for her own presents to her own kids, so why should you get that privilege?
Removing labels is a pretty selfless thing to do, though....

I can see where you are coming from, but yabu.

People dont usually give presents to serve themselves some purpose, but because they want the recipients to have them.

QuintessentialShadows Tue 30-Nov-10 10:09:41

I see I am singing to a lonely tune here! grin

Buy books and write a message inside the cover - she won't know until they've been opened and then can't remove the cover!

If they're little and the "no labels" thing is to do with their Father Christmas story, you could write something in the cover of the book like:

"Dear Niece / Nephew,
I loved this book when I was your age and thought you may love it too so I asked Father Christmas to send it to you.
Lots of Love from NappyShedSal"

GypsyMoth Tue 30-Nov-10 10:11:00

In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter does it? They will be older soon and know the truth

TrillianAdAstra Tue 30-Nov-10 10:12:06

YAB a bit U to deny the children presents because they won't know they are from you, but your sister is BU to pretend that ALL presents are from Father Christmas.

I guess that means that the children don't buy presents for each other, or for Mum & Dad? That's missing out on a big part of Christmas in my book, picking out presents for other people.

Plumm Tue 30-Nov-10 10:13:21

I refuse to let Santa take all the credit for the presents bought in my house! Santa brings the stocking (small presents) all presents under the tree are labelled from the giver.

ditavonteesed Tue 30-Nov-10 10:15:28

I do that, everybody sends me money to get presents, so you know what they get everything from the man himself. they will however thank people for arranging it with fc.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 30-Nov-10 10:15:33

I agree it's bonkers (Father Christmas only does stockings, everyone knows that!), but surely the important thing is whether you want the children to have the presents more than that you want them to be grateful to you personally. In other words, to give (a present to a child) is more blessed than to receive (their thanks). If you gave them stuff they knew was from you but never bothered to thank you it would be a different scenario.

FindingMyMojo Tue 30-Nov-10 10:17:00

I think you are missing the point of giving at Christmas - if you are doing it for the "credit" then don't do it if it bothers you.

LaWeaselMys Tue 30-Nov-10 10:19:53

For me I think the thing is that the OP doesn't have the chance to see the dc often so by taking away the presents you're taking away a big part of letting the kids know their aunt cares and thinks about them.

I think it's very sad.

But then I never got any gifts/cards/acknowledgment from overseas relatives (my entire extended family) so possibly I am feeling touchy.

reddaisy Tue 30-Nov-10 10:21:17

Have you explained that you don't like it?

My very best friend did this and I explained that I thought it was unfair to all the family and friends who spent time selecting her dd a present not to have some recognition.

She didn't realise that people might not like their gifts being hijacked as from Father Christmas and said she hadn't thought about it and would stop doing it.

That solved that for us. Although very young children would quickly forget who got them what anyway. But I still remember particularly treasured gifts from special friends/relatives when I was growing up.

maktaitai Tue 30-Nov-10 10:24:12

I think she's wrong - she's denying her children the knowledge that their wider family loves them and thinks of them.

But hey ho - do what Queen of Procrastination suggests.

psychomum5 Tue 30-Nov-10 10:26:12

what child seriously reads the labels anyway??

IME, extensive at that, they rip the parcel open while the parents (me normally, DH is taking pics) rush about trying to work out who the gift came from as the label is flying off into the mountain of paper.

good on your SIL to read said label first.....I wish I had thought of that!!

MrsDinky Tue 30-Nov-10 10:29:04

I agree that it's not about credit as such, but keeping the family ties strong, especially as you are not in the same country. These children might be wondering why their relatives never send them a Christams present. Presumably they don't do thank you letters either. At some point thety also need about choosing presents for other people at .Christmas too. Maybe they just haven't thought it through? I would mention it but try and be diplomatic.

MrsDinky Tue 30-Nov-10 10:30:18

Sorry, iPad typing. They need to learn about choosing presents for other people is what I meant to say.

whatinthenameofheaven Tue 30-Nov-10 10:32:26

YANBU!

What kind of wacko thinks it's ok to take something someone else has bought and pass it off as being from Santa?

You want Santa to bring lots of presents then you buy more sodding presents yourself.

Flaming cheeky cheapskates.

whatinthenameofheaven Tue 30-Nov-10 10:34:06

Just remembering that my SIL did this and went DH's parents (who weren't spending christmas with them) explained they would like to see their GC open their presents they went batshit crazy and didn't speak to them for months.

Freaks.

Maternelle Tue 30-Nov-10 10:34:07

YABU.
In my house, all the presents come from Santa. Why does it matter that the kids know who bought what? Make them happy is what is important. I find it very materialistic and consumerist for the kids to have to know who bought what.

stealthsquiggle Tue 30-Nov-10 10:34:24

It would bother me a lot - mostly because I know that my DC do know who gave them what - more accurately than me, most of the time - and still know months/years later that a given toy/book/whatever came from X - it is a link with family that they rarely see. I am not sure what I would do in the OP's place, since it really isn't the DC's fault and I wouldn't want them to lose out - maybe send them so that they arrive late [evil]?

I have never got this "everything comes from FC" lark, possibly just because it's not what I grew up with. In our house (as in my childhood) FC takes responsibility (and credit) for filling stockings and scoffing mince pies, and that's it.

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