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To whisper that my mum was fucking amazing

(36 Posts)
Fernie3 Tue 30-Nov-10 04:12:45

When she died the church was so full that there were people standing out the door, we had people travelling from all over to pay their respects to her and tell us stories of how she had touched their lives.

She was a sahm her whole life, she left uni got married had kids. She was looked down on by some people for the choices she made and although i don't think she regretted those choices i think it did hurt her that people saw her as a failure, when i was a teenager and by that point she was very Ill she asked me If it had made any difference to me that she had stayed home i gave a stupid teenage grunty response - she died 3 days later without me telling her that the things she taught me about life about being a woman and mother are the most precious lessons i have learnt everything from how to make pastry to the belief that wearing makeup is an act of oppression against women.

I have read so many posts on here which belittle her life choices and this is just my attempt to say my mum was amazing, her choices were perfect for her life and for her family and tha is all that matters - she would still only be 50 if she was alive today so may well have been a mumsnetter herself i would like to think she would stick up for her choices far better than i stick up for mine.

Its four in the morning i have been breastfeeding for an hour so excuse this nonsensical post i just have to do it as some posts recently have made me so upset and sad.

Babieseverywhere Tue 30-Nov-10 04:28:13

Your post made me cry. It is clear how much you loved and respected your mum and I bet she knew that from your teenage grunty response. wink

Totally agree that it is more important for people too be happy with their choices in life and respect other people choices too.

I choose to stay home and my sister choose too return to her career....we are both happy and that is all that matters.

Slightly Tue 30-Nov-10 04:46:24

What a lovely post

This is my first ever response after lurking for ages (and worrying about my life choices a bit lately)

Thank you, you've made me feel better.

I hope you are safe in the knowledge, now you have your little one, that you made her (heartbreakingly short) life perfect and complete - teenage grunts and all wink

You sound lovely, your mum did a grand job wish I'd had one like that.

ChippingIn Tue 30-Nov-10 05:48:42

Fernie - that's a lovely post. Your Mum must have been very young, probably around my age now when she died - so very very young - it's just not fair x

She clearly did a great job when she was alive though and you are a real credit to her!

I wish she was here to see how wonderfully you are doing with your beautiful little girl - I am sure she would have adored her and been so proud of you - it would be impossible for her not to be.

x

frakkinup Tue 30-Nov-10 05:59:52

That's made me all teary-eyed. You mum sounds like she was a strong woman who did what she felt was best and stuck to it. That's a wonderful quality and one I'm sure she passed on along with pastry making.

onceamai Tue 30-Nov-10 06:13:16

And I think what you are really saying too is that now you're a mum you really appreciated your own mum and really wish she was here right now to be with you and the baby. I wish she was too. All the things she taught you, you will be able to give in spades to your own dc. You might have thought you were teenagey and grunty but now I'm 50 with grunty teenagers I know that's what they are and your mum will have thought of you as her darling grown up girl despite the grunts.

onceamai Tue 30-Nov-10 06:15:08

PS- I hope you're OK because I think we're all having a tear for you.

thumbwitch Tue 30-Nov-10 06:24:58

Ah, I'm all teary-eyed now too. Fernie, I'm sure your mum knew that you appreciated her, despite teenage grunty responses.

What a lovely post - thank you for posting it. My mum died 3.5 years ago and also had lots of people at her funeral - it's some kind of comfort to know that she positively affected so many people's lives - and I know she thought she had missed out on doing great things with her life - but she didn't.

Since it's early morning with you and no one's looking, have an unMNly (((hug))).

chimchar Tue 30-Nov-10 06:39:16

beautiful post fernie, and your mum does sound fantastic.

i think its a very strong woman who does right by herself, no matter what others think. that in itself is a great life lesson...

i lost my mum 18 months ago....its shit being without a mum.

have another hug from me. x

GoldenGreen Tue 30-Nov-10 06:44:02

Thank you for this, it's very moving and inspiring. Hugs to you.

alicet Tue 30-Nov-10 06:44:49

Yep another one you have made cry!

A truely beautiful post. I am sure your Mum knew how much you loved her despite the grunts. And I am sure your wonderful memories of her will have a massive impact on how you parent your own dd so in that way she will always be with you.

Have a hug xxx

PS I think being a SAHM is the hardest job in the world and know I couldn't do it. And I work as surgeon which I am sure most people wouldn't think was especially easy! Hats off to all SAHMs including your Mum Fernie.

belgo Tue 30-Nov-10 06:46:43

She sounds wonderful.

cubscout Tue 30-Nov-10 07:39:57

Hear hear. Lets raise a glass for all the quiet dignified heros and heroines that make our lives richer.

Have another hug(())

onmyfeet Tue 30-Nov-10 07:41:46

Fernie, that is a wonderful tribute to your mother.<3 I am sure she would be so happy and proud to know that you feel this way.

FreudianFoxSquishedByAPouffe Tue 30-Nov-10 07:45:47

What a lovely lady she was. I'm sorry for your loss xx

I don't know why people look down on others' choices. It's so upsetting when everyone is just trying to do the right thing by their family.

Anyway YABU for whispering it - you should shout it

BeerTricksPotter Tue 30-Nov-10 07:48:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictoriasLittleKnownSecret Tue 30-Nov-10 07:48:24

What a lovely post

Hassledge Tue 30-Nov-10 07:51:35

Fernie - when you have your own grumpy teenager who responds to your questions in an infuriating way you'll realise that your mother wouldn't have cared about your response at all . It wasn't till I got to that stage with my older DCs that I forgave myself for how teenagery I'd been with my mum (who died young too).

She sounds wonderful, and your post was wonderful.

sparkle12mar08 Tue 30-Nov-10 07:56:28

I've been there with you Fernie. My mum died when I was 18 and we were only just beginning to develop our adult relationship and I still bitterly resent to this day the fact that that chance was taken away from me. And next year I will have been without her as long as I had her. She too was still so young, just 46, and she too had made those same choices - never went to uni, but basically met my dad early in her first job, got married and setlled down at home. She had some major health problems that prevented her working after she had me, but I don't think she would have chosen to work anyway.

She was always there for me, always. And I will love her until I die. If I can be half the mother she was, give my children the chances and guidance she gave me, I will have done well. It's not about idolising her, there were faults, but I do my best to honour what she gave me by passing it on.

MilkNoSugarPlease Tue 30-Nov-10 08:51:16

Don't whisper it, SHOUT it!

ConstanceFelicity Tue 30-Nov-10 08:54:42

She would be proud of you.
My mum died when she was 44, and though I didn't say all I should have, I have accepted now that she knew I loved her, and she knew she was a good mother.

Ooopsadaisy Tue 30-Nov-10 08:59:32

Tears rolling here.

I feel inspired by her, just from reading your post.

perfumedlife Tue 30-Nov-10 09:01:41

I hear you Fernie. And I know your mum will too, watching how you absorbed her ways and love. She sounds like a great mum and so do you.smile

Great mums are worth so much more than can be measured.

Bucharest Tue 30-Nov-10 09:05:54

smile

That's lovely Fernie. Your Mum sounds wonderful.

Sending you much love xx

PDog Tue 30-Nov-10 09:10:29

Lovely post fernie. I'm sure your mum knows how proud of her you were and she would be very proud of you. Her choices made you the woman you are today -celebrate that and sod what anyone else thinks.

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