My DS is a September born 4 year-old (so due to start Reception next year as probably the oldest in his class).
He goes to a great pre-school 3 mornings a week - they do loads of great activities but don't push the reading/writing beyond knowing letters and writing name/numbers 1-9. He's with a childminder for 2 full days while I work. When he's with me I like to do fun stuff with him - swimming, knocking a football around, playing games etc. I feel that he'll get plenty of time on the reading and writing when he's at school and it's not a race.
However, my friends with similar aged DCs are all talking about the amount of things they do at home to 'support their learning'. They drop in how their DC 'wrote a list for Father Christmas' or 'I've had to buy the Oxford Reading Tree as DD was doing so well with their reading'. They seem to think we should be giving them a head start and if they start school ahead they'll stay ahead. Am I being unreasonable in denying my DS this potential head start and leaving it until he's at school?
AIBU?
not to be pushing reading/writing etc on my 4yo pre-schooler?
tjandpootle · 29/11/2010 19:57
YANBU - your child will do it when he's ready and at that point he will want to do it. This comes from a parent of a child who was obsessed with sounds and the alphabet from about 2. He pushed it not us. He read his fist HP at the beginning of Yr 1. He read it in Latin at the beginning of Y6. His GCSE options are: French, Latin, Mandarin, Greek. His parents pushed cricket, football and MATHS. He's in the bottom set for maths 
rhinestone 
that is a good memory your boy has! when I ask DD, a 4 yo july born reception child what she did at school, she responds with 'i don't know' 'i can't remember'! She can't even remember her lunch option if she is having a school dinner day!
We are being very relaxed about it, guided by DD and not being pushy. Some nights she asks to do her school book, sometimes she wants to colour in and practice finding words containing the letter(s) of the day (they have a sheet with pictures to colour relating to the letter, to consolidate school learning), sometimes we ask her to come and read, and sometimes she is just too tired or not interested - we ask the question but do not push it, if she wants to, fine, if not, also fine.
However, she has developed her own thirst for learning letters/words now, so even though often too tired, she wants to know what signs say, she will walk around the supermarket, along the street, reading notices etc while in the car driving past things, identifying letters and some words, or trying to spell out words (often gets it right, for short words). She sometimes talks in her sleep about words/books and so we don't need to push too hard. She can count to 20 and sometimes up to 30 now, she practices it while doing other things, we practice adding and subtracting in normal things we do such as '3 more mouthfuls of food' 'i had one mouthful' so how many more do you need to make 3?' '2? let's count and see if you are right' that kinds of thing, so many opportunities to practice these things without sitting down with a book/paper and forcing them.
DD loves learning, and i hope it is in part because we try to make it fun and let her be the lead. I hope it continues that way, as once she has the passion for learning, the concentration will develop and she can learn application skills.
So, in long, YANBU
'is being pushed by their parents' I meant to say.
DD clearly does not get her swottiness from me.
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YANBU to push it if your child does not seem interested. At that age, they shouldn't have to do more formal 'learning-type' things unless they want to, imo.
On the other hand, my DS is nearly 3 and is desperate to learn to read. I haven't a clue how to teach him this effectively, so am thinking about sending him to a preschool where they can help him.
Fwiw, a good friend of mine never learned to read at all until she went to school aged 5.5, and still ended up with an English degree from Oxford . I don't think the age at which they learn that type of thing makes a blind bit of difference when they're tiny, as long as they're not pushed into it before they're ready.
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