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she took 'my' name

(48 Posts)
Emma876 Mon 29-Nov-10 17:57:54

My good friend had a baby recently and chose the same name as i would want for my baby. We didn't even discuss it, so she didn't 'steal' it. I wouldn't use this name now because other people would think i'd copied her and she wouldn't be too keen either....i just love the name...

I know i'm being unreasonable but i just don't seem to be able to get over it....some nice advice on how to get over it would be helpful...or more likely i'm being a brat and need a good kick in the pants!

YunoYurbubson Mon 29-Nov-10 18:00:19

When is your baby due? You might find they don't look like that name anyway.

I was a bit miffed when a friend of mine took 'my' name (which I had never even discussed with her, and I wasn't even pregnant blush) but by the time my little boy was born I had gone off that name anyway.

sethstarkaddersmum Mon 29-Nov-10 18:00:45

tell us the name, we will laugh and say 'What a silly name, your dd had a lucky escape' and you will start to feel quite glad she stole it.

Plumm Mon 29-Nov-10 18:01:32

Are you even pregnant?

Gissabreak Mon 29-Nov-10 18:02:20

Message withdrawn

LoopyLoops Mon 29-Nov-10 18:02:36

Plenty of babies have the same name, you know.

Chil1234 Mon 29-Nov-10 18:02:42

My parents had exactly the same thing happen. My cousin was born six months before me and nicked my intended moniker. However, in restrospect, it was a lucky escape. I never would have suited the rather dull 'Janet' confused (sorry to any Janets) and am much happier with their second choice.

BikeRunSki Mon 29-Nov-10 18:05:26

Use it anyway.

Itsjustafleshwound Mon 29-Nov-10 18:06:26

Sometimes the best laid plans and names never come to fruition ...

My mum was told I was a boy - I would have gone through life with the name Maximillian - small mercies ...

Could the name not be a second name?

KurriKurri Mon 29-Nov-10 18:07:19

OK - firstly your baby may not be the same sex.
Secondly no one owns a name, if you love that name, use it. You are picking a name for your child for life, so have something you love - it's irrelevant whether someone has used that name before (and every name has been used by someone). A good friend would have no problem with it.

I don't get this whole name angst - surely if someone calls their child the same name as you it's a compliment - they think your child has a lovely name.

Longtalljosie Mon 29-Nov-10 18:08:33

Just use it anyway. Honestly. Assuming you can get it past your DH/P. You may find he doesn't like it anyway. I had a couple of names I always thought I'd go for. One wrinkled husband's nose later, I had to think again...

violethill Mon 29-Nov-10 18:09:28

Use it if you still like it when your baby is born. But the chances are you may have changed your mind several times by then.
Our first dc is a girl, and we never used the boys name we had lined up, because when our ds was born, we had a totally new favourite

Jumpty Mon 29-Nov-10 18:10:26

Something similar happened to us with DS1's name. Then my DH persuaded me to call DS1 after his recently deceased GF cos he thought his GM would be really touched. She was very nonplussed about it which made me a touch bitter about it. Anyhoo by the time DS was a toddler I couldn't imagine him having any other name, love his name and think the old favourite is now a bit chavvy.

OTOH a friend of mine called her DD the same name as mine and it doesn't bother me. When the kids get to school they will probably meet other people with the same name anyway. Unless it's a totally made up name she would BU if she objected to you using the name too.

RJRabbit Mon 29-Nov-10 18:10:29

I totally understand. My DH's ex girlfriend got married to her new man on the same day as us, and then had a little girl and called her exactly the name I had always loved!

Moving along 10 years, she "friended" me and his siblings on Facebook and sent us all the same email asking if DH had a Facebook account.

Hmmm, didn't seem that bad 'til I saw it all written down. Glad she lives overseas and we don't have a bunny.

BikeRunSki Mon 29-Nov-10 18:11:58

A very good friend of mine has just had her 2nd baby. She used the name I always fancied if I ever had a DD but - we've never discussed it and I am not pg. When she told me I said "lovely name, it was DS's girl's name". Then we congratulated each other on ours good taste. If I ever have a DD, I am sure I will find another name, there are many names out there!

ItalianLady Mon 29-Nov-10 18:14:30

If you still like the name, use it. If your friend is miffed, tough.

TooBlessed2spendxmasalone Mon 29-Nov-10 18:16:26

my friend's sister has a beautiful girl,when i heard her name and met her i just couldn't stop thinking that when i had my own child i would name them that,,

6years later i had my own little girl,that name was not even in our names choice,but when she was born all the names didn't suit her,Dh finally said the magic words,'what about that name*,we looked at her and said the name out loud,it suited her like a glove and so we gace her the name i had ached for 6yrs back,,but i had to write my friend's sister a note telling her i liked the name too much,she was very pleased,maybe because we are continents apart

if you really want it when your DC is born then use it

ShanahansRevenge Mon 29-Nov-10 18:17:34

A friend of a friend told me quite openly that she had "stolen" my DDs name for her newborn! Her baby was three months younger..and she said "I did take the name and I love it, I could not choose another once I heard sorry about that!"

I was a bit shock at first but then I was flattered and admired her honesty.

PerpetuallyAnnoyedByHeadlice Mon 29-Nov-10 18:21:09

OP - you need to get over it!

You can go for that as a middle name, or go for a variant/abbreviation, or just something different altogether, and when there are 5 kids with "friends childs name" in your babys class at school you will be glad you picked something else!

I am not being mean but really, as long as you both have healthy babies, whats the problem here?

Try having someone in the extended family who calls their child the same as your DD who was stillborn, just a few months after your lossshock yes, really!!sad

ChippingIn Mon 29-Nov-10 18:51:58

Perpetually - I assume from your shock that they knew you had this name for your baby? If so, that is completely unforgiveable - if not, what a sad co-incidence

I think if it's a name you have always wanted you should just use it, if you still like it at the time. However, people like Shanahans friend's friend just make me hmm

LoopyLoops Mon 29-Nov-10 18:53:32

PerpetuallyAnnoyed - no! That is terrible and my worst nightmare. (the naming btw, sadly the stillbirth already happened)

woolymindy Mon 29-Nov-10 18:53:37

Oh that is nothing, my DH's ex. named her child the same as ours (and it is a very unusual name) after we had our son - she copied it the thieving bitch!!!!!!!!!!!

MardyBra Mon 29-Nov-10 18:56:47

She didn't do it on purpose, as you said, so you could risk jeopardising your friendship if you show her any resentment. Some useful ideas above - you could use the same name, or a close variation or use it for the second name...

LaWeaselMys Mon 29-Nov-10 18:58:20

A friend and I both want the same name for a boy and will probably be TTC at the same time.

We decided we don't care. Hundreds of children have the same name, it doesn't really matter that they'll probably be friends with somebody with the same name as them!

droves Mon 29-Nov-10 19:03:01

My big sis did this .
We were both expecting boys , i was 3 month ahead of her in pregnancy . One day names came up ...told her i loved Cameron for a boy ..Her reply was it was horrible with my surname and every second boy that yaer had been called Cameron. She kept on and on about it being a chavy name.

My son was named something else.
Hers (born 10 weeks later) is called Cameron.

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