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expecting DH to sort this out himself?

(20 Posts)
mummytoatribe Sat 27-Nov-10 14:00:17

We have a babysitter over night tonight (woohoo!!!) but we havent really talked about what we are doing.

A very good friend has been in touch with DH this morning so he thought we could go out with him. Ok, no problem. I like this friend alot and we havent seen him for ages, but then he said "so what shall I tell him?" "Tell him yes, that would be great" "Well he wants to know where to meet us, what shall I say?"

I dont know! He says that he doesnt want to say that we'll meet him at our usual haunt incase "you say you're tired and want to go home" Well that could happen anywhere couldnt it, given that I am 15 weeks pg and we have 5 other children at home!

He does this every time we do anything. He will use any excuse he can to not make a decision and expects me to come up with ideas. He then gets annoyed with me for not suggesting anything! If I do suggest something he doesnt want to do then he gets in a mood and we just end up at our local. One half thinks I should say we will go to our local (actually a £6 taxi ride away!) and if I get tired I will drive home and they can get a taxi, but the other half is thinking "sod him , he can organise this for a change"

If I am honest, I am wondering if he would rather just go out with this mate alone, but that is not going to happen. I wont be dumped on our one child free night for months for his friend that he could go out with on any other night he fancied.

beckie222 Sat 27-Nov-10 14:17:39

IME men cannot make a decision.
This happens in our house everytime we are going out. I have to decide where we are going.
Sometimes I just wish he would make a decision even if it only is to go to the local.
YANBU this bugs me as well

ItalianLady Sat 27-Nov-10 14:31:30

Tell him what you told us.

frgr Sat 27-Nov-10 14:51:46

"IME men cannot make a decision."

hmm

<sits on hands>

thesecondcoming Sat 27-Nov-10 15:42:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slipperandpjsmum Sat 27-Nov-10 15:53:41

I make all the decisions in our family. From which type of childcare to where we go on holiday. Its always been like that in our relationship. I quite like it cause I get my own way all the time!!!

I def agree with other Mums men cannot make a decision.

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 27-Nov-10 15:59:15

Some men can't make a decision.

My husband has no problem at all making a decision.

I know many women who seem unable to make a decision. I wouldn't dream of suggesting that women were too weak and feeble minded to be able to make a decision.

Snorbs Sat 27-Nov-10 16:05:04

Men don't make decisions because they live with women who whinge endlessly if the man makes the "wrong" decision.

(What, you mean this isn't the "Let's all make ridiculously sexist and wildly inaccurate sweeping pronouncements" thread? Oops.)

HecateQueenOfWitches Sat 27-Nov-10 18:41:13

Well snorbs, you killed this one stone dead grin

hairytriangle Sat 27-Nov-10 18:42:53

Wowzer! you have five other children and are having a sixth !!!! cor blimey, no wonder you may get tired!!!

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers Sat 27-Nov-10 18:47:00

grin @ Snorbs

My ex never had a problem making decisions. Men shock horror are human beings like the rest of us, some can make decisions, some can't, yet others are somewhere inbetween.

OP it does sound like yours is in the second category.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 27-Nov-10 18:47:13

I think you should tell him what you want to do. Sitting in a pub when you can't drink is not really fun imo. If he can't make a suggestion, then you take control and do what you would like to.

Hassled Sat 27-Nov-10 18:51:04

Some people are just absolutely shite at decision making - I don't think it's a gender thing. I have a female friend who is an unbelievable ditherer - you would not believe how long she spent agonising over two almost identical pairs of shoes for her toddler. She went on so long I thought it must be a complicated joke - it wasn't.

I agree it's bloody annoying. I don't actually know what you can do about it though.

larrygrylls Sat 27-Nov-10 18:55:37

Is the lack of decision making a factor in the 5+1 (!!) child family?

fel1x Sat 27-Nov-10 18:59:41

Either decide what you'd prefer to do and tell him so you get to do exactly what you want OR tell him 'you choose, surprise me!' and then let him get on with it!

wouldliketoknow Sat 27-Nov-10 19:05:27

i'm afraid i am like your dh, and drive my dh mad sometimes. do what he does, refuse to do anything until i made i suggestion, i normally end up doing a suggestion, and we'll do that.
don't let him ruin your night though, 5 + 1 in the way... you deserve a treat.

badfairy Sat 27-Nov-10 19:26:12

My DH is perfectly capable of making decisions but just choses not too. His excuse is that he makes them all day at work and just wants to switch off when he's at home....My beef is so do I ! So when do I get to switch off ? hmm

mummytoatribe Sat 27-Nov-10 19:48:18

Thanks guys!

I had decided to ring our friend and me and him working it out together but he had to cancel so I went out while DH was at work and bought myself a new top and some killer heels! Oh and a handbag big enough for my ballet pumps to get me from the car and back!

Then I met him from work and said "Good news! X cancelled and I bought myself some new gear so we can go to [posh bistro]" He was a bit "oh, errr," probably about to say he thought about going to our local and I just ignored him!
He wants me to decide so I have

And we leave in 10 minutes so I'd better get me coat!!

fedupofnamechanging Sat 27-Nov-10 19:58:29

Have fun!

Bathsheba Sun 28-Nov-10 08:54:08

I have to say thats one of the reasons we now almost exclusively holiday at Center Parcs - so I can book the days activities well in advance.

When we first had children (we now have 3 DDs but this was when DD1 was tiny) I was driven to tears on more than 1 occassion by going on holiday and having hour after hour of "discussion" of "what are we going to do today" - which exclusively was me naming every child friendly activity in a 50 mile radius and Dh telling me what that was a crap idea and "I just want to sleep" - well with a 1 year old to entertain who never napped that was impossible.

So now we go to Center Parcs ansd I have places for dinner and activities booked ages in advance so we no longer have these conversations

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