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to wonder who on earth actually thinks the ideal family is one boy then one girl two years later???

(116 Posts)
walkertexasranger Fri 26-Nov-10 20:40:04

I have only ever seen this kind of family mentioned as the 'ideal' family on Mumsnet. Never, ever, ever heard of it anywhere else.

What's that all about then? Has anyone else heard of this mythical ideal family type? And why does it have to be two years confused

Where has this come from? What's so aspirational about it, does anyone know? It freaks me the fuck out because it seems so obviously designed to create a couple of mini-mes given that most men are older than their wives.

Has anyone ever heard of this in RL or is it another MN only thing?

Panzee Fri 26-Nov-10 20:41:05

My big brother and I are a little over two years apart. So naturally I think it's the norm .

walkertexasranger Fri 26-Nov-10 20:42:14

Panzee, ditto me with my only brother (although he is almost exactly two years to the day!).

So I always thought it was 'normal' but only recently read on MN that it is 'ideal' allegedly.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit Fri 26-Nov-10 20:43:16

My mum thinks it's the ideal and I'm pretty sure she has never been on mumsnet.....

ShanahansRevenge Fri 26-Nov-10 20:44:31

Oh I think it's very 50s isn't it? Or 60s....because before then there was no pill and people had masses of kids.

It stems from the fact that people could control their family...and one of each was probably thought of as ideal.

It was perhaps thought a bit more "reserved" and "genteel" to ave less kids...and go on the pill as a married couple....then nobody thinks you're shagging tons like working class plebs who couldn't afford a telly or a trip to the theatre...or something? Because I DO think it's quite a middle class thing.

sooz28 Fri 26-Nov-10 20:44:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vanitypear Fri 26-Nov-10 20:45:13

I think it's a super-traditional POV - not to do with age of men and their wives, but because the older child has a lot of well-documented advantages, and some people think it's more important a boy has those as he will need to be a breadwinner.
I agree with none of it but have understood that to be the reasoning (same as all that "educate the boy privately and the girl state" rubbish).
My kids are other way round and suits us fine

OmniaParatus Fri 26-Nov-10 20:46:16

DS and DD are 18 months apart. In laws were over the moon because this was the ideal family hmm.

When I called to tell them I was pg with DC3 their first response was 'Oh, no!' angry.

I have no idea why it is so ideal though.

walkertexasranger Fri 26-Nov-10 20:46:39

So, it's sexist bollocks, but where the fuck does the two years bit come from?

simpson Fri 26-Nov-10 20:47:04

My MIL kept banging on about this when I was pg with my 2nd child as we were going to have a 2yr gap.

She is soon to be my ex MIL but thats another story grin grin

thirtysomething Fri 26-Nov-10 20:47:21

It's the only thing my Mum and MIL have ever agreed on (and apparently I was "clever" for managing to produce a DD 2.5 yrs after a DS....) They were both so smuggy smug about it; made me think it must be a generational gender-stereotyping thing - a boy to carry on the family name etc and a girl to help around the house!!!

chipmonkey Fri 26-Nov-10 20:47:48

I get this from a work colleague. It is intended as a dig because I have four boys.

BellaBearisWideAwake Fri 26-Nov-10 20:47:50

my mum's friend calls this a cornflake family

because this was the type of family you would see on cereal packets and connect 4 boxes and so on

ShanahansRevenge Fri 26-Nov-10 20:48:14

See how it's all parents and in-laws who think it's ideal?

That's because they're from "that" generation!

strandedatseasonsgreetings Fri 26-Nov-10 20:49:50

I don't know anyone who thinks this is the "ideal" (unless that is what they have) either in rl or on MN so not sure where you are getting this from.

In my world, having a live, healthy baby is "ideal".

GeorginaWorsley Fri 26-Nov-10 20:50:14

Very WASP in my opinion.
I am 2 yrs older than my brother and I was determined not to have that myself,so have had four DC's,with varying gaps!

SuchStuff Fri 26-Nov-10 20:53:16

I don't think this is an MN thing - I've always thought this was somehow the ideal. Obviously, when you think about it reasonably for a minute, it's not the case at all, but there's always been something in my subconscious telling me this is so.

I think this is because it is presented as the norm/the ideal in the media/arts. Think the Peter/Jane books, many of the kids in Enid Blyton books, the notion of 2.4 children etc.

For any amateur psychologists out there, I'm an only child and I always wanted an older sibling - ideally a brother - so I expect this has also coloured my judgement!!

SuchStuff Fri 26-Nov-10 20:54:42

BellaBear - that's just the kind of thing I mean!

JumpJockey Fri 26-Nov-10 20:56:47

I have a vague subconscious feeling that it's 'right' but it's just because that's how my brother and I came out, and so it's the only family background I've known from within.

loubielou31 Fri 26-Nov-10 20:57:04

I'd never heard it before but am perfectly happy with my opinion that it is clearly nonsense.

altinkum Fri 26-Nov-10 20:57:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyDevine Fri 26-Nov-10 20:59:26

It is ideal to me. Its what I have!

I feel very blessed.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Fri 26-Nov-10 21:00:01

I have one boy and one girl two years younger ... but never thought it of as the "ideal" family.

RustyBear Fri 26-Nov-10 21:00:22

Don't think it's necessarily a generational thing - I'm probably old enough to be the mother/MIL of a lot of you and I don't think it's the ideal, even though I actually do have as DS 2 years older than my DD!
From my experience I would say I'd have preferred a bigger gap.

But I did get several people (not from any one age group) telling me I was 'clever' when DD was born, which I never quite understood...

TheFallenMadonna Fri 26-Nov-10 21:02:59

Yep - my ideal too grin

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