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to put myself higher priority these days?

(4 Posts)
frgr Fri 26-Nov-10 14:36:55

Following on from another thread which I didn't want to derail, i was prompted into sitting here pondering about how often fellow mums place themselves incredibly LOW on a mental priority list (perhaps dads too, but i've not met any that this applies to). I see this again and again on MN, and I have to admit I was one of them until I had a mini meltdown and decided "enough is enough".

I stopped saying Yes to things which I didn't feel like doing ("no, i won't car share with you 3 days a week because I like quiet time in the mornings and you stress me out", "i won't babysit your kids for the 9th time this month since it's never reciprocated even if i'm ill, dear sister", "I deserve a lie in now and then")...

Why is it that mums do this? Why is it that deciding not to be a push over and declining to grant favours for some people who've repeatedly taken more than they give, and given you extra stress that you just don't need... why is the person just being honest the prick? And why aren't more men judged in the same way?

Another example: this year we're cutting back on presents. SIL's birthday came up last week - FIL makes remark at me when we go over about the fact that we'd only sent a card, no present (even though we'd warned both families that money is tight). Why not speak to H? It's his bloody sister. When I said this, I am the one being unreasonable?! (Fortunately, H agrees with me on all this, but it's not the point. WHy am I responsible and held to account for gift buying? H works the same number of days I do!)

Chil1234 Fri 26-Nov-10 14:46:16

YANBU I've always been #1 on my priority list within reason. Becoming a mother meant I've had to make a few modifications, of course, but I've never been a doormat and don't see why that should change. Why others feel the need to be all self-sacrificing and putting their own needs last beats me. Conditioning by others of what it takes to be a 'good mother'? Lack of self-confidence?

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Fri 26-Nov-10 15:19:41

YANBU at all, Frgr. It's very liberating to put yourself first and say "no" to others isn't it?

Chil has summed up my opinion really well

surfandturf Fri 26-Nov-10 16:53:46

I always used to put other people first but since DC's came along I put them first now.(Don't we all?). I know they don't appreciate it either but they will one day - I hope! Not like sponging, freeloading 'friends' confused Don't get me wrong I will still help out a real friend in need, but recognise a lot earlier when someone is taking the piss angry

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