Homework Helll...p!(6 Posts)
Have read some old threads on primary school homework. My Yr 6, 10 yr old gets quite a bit now. She has been getting homework for years, several nights a week. This is the norm in most primary schools; is an expectation they do it. She is not high performing at school but average and consciencious. She abhors homework and it is rare not to have a scene at some level because she asks for help then doesn't like the help given! Same, sometimes worse with DH. Leaving it till last minute and having a before school high stress attack is most favoured. Not unusual to end up doing maths for her in desperation just so can get her to school. It sounds pathetic when I write it down but we have tried all sorts. She is generally a very lovely girl, helpful etc but I think it's her attitude to learning. She gets herself in a state before she has even looked at it. Hoping she will grow out of this. Anyone with similar experience to share? Any groups/www giving support for this? Thinking of looking at starting something locally.
The best thing that worked for me was allowing DS to turn up at school with his homework uncompleted. His teacher told him in no uncertain terms that he was in BIG TROUBLE if it ever happened again. Now he gets home, goes straight to his room with a snack, does the homework like a lamb and no more problems. Maybe not doing the homework for her would help?
Could try it. I will need to be brave and strong enough to endure the tears and pleading and be prepared to physically drag her to school - not easy with a 5' plus 10 yr old! but it might be worth it!
Chil is absolutely right - don't do it for her. It doesn't actually help her in any way if you do.
I have had very similar problems (in fact I only know 1 parent who has never faced this). I went down the route of 'No TV/computer/play until it is done' and that seemed to help a bit. Now I let them have until 4.30 and then they both have to start work. If one of them kicks off we go back to the old system.
With the 'help' issue - I get them to do everything they can before asking for help. Then, if they don't like the help I'm offering they can send in the homework as it stands. I explain that that way the teacher will know where they are having problems. Works best for maths - harder to do with english etc
You do have to let them accept the consequences of not doing it tbh.
Problem with that is that it has backfired on me before. I've let ds go into school with uncompleted homework, he has then been made to stay in at lunchtime to do the work. But then he says he'd rather stay in at lunchtime and give up his time in the playground rather than give up his playtime at home. He has AS, and isn't particularly bothered about spending time with his friends. So now he gets no screen time until it's done, and has to get ready for bath/bed straight after dinner if he won't do it. It works most of the time.
I know exactly how you feel, and I hate it. My ds is also yr6, so I do understand that he has to do it in preparation for secondary school, but I also resent that after not seeing my children all day, I have to then argue with hem over homework.
Thanks for contributions. Have tried all the obvious blunt instruments suggested.
The thing about refusing to help/do it for her is that she just gets soooo upset because she is so afraid of getting in trouble. I have already spoken to her teacher - so it is quite out in the open, so to speak! Teacher said don't do it and she won't be cross but DD cannot handle this - and was furious that I had spoken to the teacher about it! We are in the realms of 10 year old fear of failure fantasies here!
I shall persevere and no doubt this phase will pass. When she gets to secondary it will be beyond me anyway I expect so she will have to fly solo - with moral support only!
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