Following on from the man flu thread earlier.
Just bought our first house - three doors down from where we currently rent, lots of DIY needing doing to it but hopefully just cosmetic stuff. In-laws coming down next week to help with that, hubby headed off to work today and I started the process of moving stuff down to the new place box by box.
Hubby gets sent home from work by about 10.30 - goes straight to bed leaving me to lug 10 boxes of books down, then he rings my phone to get me to come upstairs because he's been sick and he's just lying there expecting me to resolve it all. By which time he's whimpering and wailing so I drag him to the walk in centre since the doctors is shut (he lays it on thick when he's ill anyway) - they conclude he's probably got flu and is out of action for a week... he says something about "we're moving house" and the nurse just looks at ME like I'm something she's stood in.
So he goes back to bed - and I'm left dismantling, moving and rebuilding bookshelves all on my own, wondering how the heck I'm going to get some of the stuff done and I KNOW he's just assuming that his mummy and daddy will do it all for him (plus I'll get earache from MIL for not looking after precious little snookums)... and I'm just wondering when exactly the strong one in this gets allowed to finally crumble? I've been teetering on the brink of breaking point for about 6 months anyway since the miscarriage shite started happening... have nowhere to turn to - tried to tell my mother how I was feeling and my mother, as usual turned it into a list of my failings and went on the attack... my family promised all this help with moving and (as usual) made other plans and part of me wants to scream that I know he's not well but I had that bug last week and had to keep on ploughing on through it all, and that I'm not coping and I'm not the strong one anymore and that I'm falling apart...... but of course I can't.
Dunno what happens when the strong people in the world finally aren't strong anymore - but I'm close and running out of brave faces to put on. Dunno how I'm going to get half of this stuff moved on my own (physical strength is only partially compensated for by sheer tenacity and stubborness), and I dunno how he can lie in bed not asleep but feeling sorry for himself and listen to me struggling to dismantle furnture and not give a shit.
Just mightily fucked off - I scream out for help and there's nowt there - feel incredibly incredibly alone right now.
Oh and I can barely move - my back's about to sieze up and I'm going to spend the night on the sofa to not wake the invalid so will be in agony tomorrow.
Life's shit.
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To wonder when I won't have to be the strong one anymore?
19 replies
emptyshell · 25/11/2010 18:05
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