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To be fed up with my friend

(71 Posts)
SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:10:02

A long story short, I am a SAHM, but DH is on a good wage. I got a friend that never pays for herself. Every time we go out with our DCs, or on a girlie night, it is always me picking up the bill. I did not mind it till recently, but lately it is getting to me. The thing is, she is a single mum, lives in a small flat and I am really feeling guilty for not willing to pay for everything anymore though I can easily afford it. So WWYD in this situation?

sarah293 Thu 25-Nov-10 13:11:12

Message withdrawn

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:13:56

She does, but I can see she does not mean it really. To be honest the last straw was last week, when she invited me to a posh restaurant to celebrate her birthday, the bill was over £100, then she just passed it to me and said she does not have any cash. But she did said thanks after i paid it.

KurriKurri Thu 25-Nov-10 13:14:15

How is this happening? does she just stand there and refuse to pay her share? I don't understand how this situation would come about.

I don't think you should feel guilty about not wanting to pay, but maybe if she's short of money try to think of some things that don't cost as much, you can do lots of fun things with children that are free or cheap.

NeverEatYellowTaintedSnow Thu 25-Nov-10 13:14:25

It depends on the specifics. Are you engineering the nights out? If you are choosing expensive places, it makes a difference than if we're talking about a pub lunch or something.

For me, it would come down to whether she was appreciative or not. Does she do things for you in return?

KurriKurri Thu 25-Nov-10 13:16:03

Ah - I've just seen your next post. She's taking advantage. I'd be blunt then if she asks to go out say 'yes, but I can't afford to pay for both of us this time'

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster Thu 25-Nov-10 13:16:31

She sounds like a freeloader to be honest. I'd make excuses not to go for drinks/meals with her.

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:17:15

No, she never does anything. Usually when we go somewhere, it is cheaper to buy a family ticket, I pay and she just stands near, not saying anything really. But before we go home she will say thanks for a nice day, etc.

sarah293 Thu 25-Nov-10 13:17:22

Message withdrawn

cheesesarnie Thu 25-Nov-10 13:18:00

yanbu!i have no money so i dont go out.simple!id be so embarresed to have a friend pay my way!everyones getting handmade presents this xmas and im embaressed about that!

pottonista Thu 25-Nov-10 13:18:07

She chose the restaurant, tucked in, and then handed you the bill? Cheeky mare.

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:18:45

But she knows we can afford it easilly, I cant really say we cant afford it. I am declining all her invitations at the moment, but feeling really crap with myself for being tight.

marriednotdead Thu 25-Nov-10 13:19:52

Inviting you to a posh restaurant and then giving you the bill?! That is just taking the piss.

Next time she suggests a venue for a night out, ask her who's paying.
Her response should give you an insight into her true attitude.

Does she ever offer to pay some/any of it?
It sounds as if you paying has become so much of a habit that she expects it and thinks you're cool with always picking up the tab.

Beamur Thu 25-Nov-10 13:20:40

You're not being tight - you're resenting being taken advantage of. It's not really about the money is it?

fluffyanimal Thu 25-Nov-10 13:20:47

The fact that you can afford it is not the point, it's the principle of the thing. She is taking advantage.

Hammy02 Thu 25-Nov-10 13:21:34

She is totally taking the mick. Even if my friend was a millionaire, I would have too much pride to expect them to pay my share.

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:21:37

She sometimes buys ice cream for the kids when we are on a day out. But thats about it. I was speechless after the restaurant thing, did not tell DH as he'll go through the roof.

BudaisintheZONE Thu 25-Nov-10 13:24:10

Whether you can afford it or not is not the issue. It is taking advantage plain and simple.

jalopy Thu 25-Nov-10 13:25:27

That's outrageous, sushi.

Time to find a new friend.

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:26:07

Thank you all, I was feeling like a Scrooge, but you made me feel better!

Squitten Thu 25-Nov-10 13:29:27

That's outrageous! If you are going to go out with her, you need to be utterly upfront beforehand about what you are going to pay for. Saying nothing and picking up the bill just makes you a bit of a mug really...

SushiForSushi Thu 25-Nov-10 13:30:20

But how do you mention it without looking like a Scrooge?

Acinonyx Thu 25-Nov-10 13:30:27

It's not about the money. Someone close to me did the expensive restaurant thing to me (even invited someone else to join us that I'd never met too) - it was nearly 20 years ago but I still can feel shock when I think about it.

You must reset the expectations here or you cannot continue seeing her. You are not tight by any means.

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster Thu 25-Nov-10 13:31:02

You're not a Scrooge, she's a free loader. I feel embarassed when someone buys me a coffee.

BelleDeChocChipCookieMonster Thu 25-Nov-10 13:32:29

You don't need to explain why you are not funding her life style any more.

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