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to wonder if my best friends controlling husband has blocked my number on her phone...?

(29 Posts)
superv1xen Thu 25-Nov-10 09:20:16

a few of you may remember me posting about this friend of mine, she has married a complete arse, i don't know where to start with him, he is controlling to the point where she doesn't have her own money, he is "jokingly" lecherous to other women, he has ruined her relationship with her mum, he doesn't like her making plans with her friends, he doesn't treat her DD very well (she isn't his) he talks to her like shit, i could go on hmm . he doesn't like me at all because i stand up to him and he knows i am not the sort of person to take crap off a man.

anyway, the last few weeks, everytime i have tried to ring or text her her phone has gone straight to voicemail, and texts have not gone through (they pend in my outbox for days then i get a report saying not sent). Yet I know her phone works because I have been with her and she has received calls and texts - from him. and my phone works fine so it isn't mine. and prior to this i could always get hold of her. our friendship is fine, and she rings and texts me regularly so i know that she isn't avoiding me or anything. BUT she does it from either his mobile or their landline.

so if i need to speak to her i have to either ring or text his phone or their landline. which i hate because i hate going through HIM to speak to MY mate angry i feel i am almost asking his permission. and when i have said to him, can i speak to <my mate> i can't get thru on her mobile, he has just breezily said, oh sometimes her phone plays up. but it DOESN'T play up. its a good phone and it NEVER plays up when HE rings her. hmm

i know you can block numbers on mobiles as i had to do it once (some bloke i was seeing and didnt want to, who kept ringing, but thats another story [oops] ) and when i told DP about what had been happening he thinks thats what he has done.

what do people think? and what should i do?

SkeletonFlowers Thu 25-Nov-10 09:23:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Suncottage Thu 25-Nov-10 09:24:52

I would mention that you have problems getting through and when you are together call her mobile so she can see the problem for herself.

BuntyPenfold Thu 25-Nov-10 09:27:09

It is very easy to block a number on my cheapo phone, you just put the number into 'call screening'.

But your friend would see it listed as blocked if she looked.

sad but I know a couple like this too. I don't know what you can do, either. My friend was so independent, and feisty before, and very pretty too, and had lots of nicer, richer, more eligible suitors.
Why do people put up with it?

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 25-Nov-10 09:29:49

On the phone thing - can you use DP's phone to text her? On the rest...is she happy? does she excuse his behaviour? There isn't much you can do except be there for her and hope that she sees the light. How shit.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan Thu 25-Nov-10 09:33:49

good idea to try calling her from another phone. also to call her phone when you're with her one day and show her it isn't working.

have you seen her call anyone when she's with you? wondering if he has stopped her having outgoing calls and screened who she's allowed to receive calls from? hope that's not the case.

so hard to stand by and watch a friend putting up with crap from a partner sad

superv1xen Thu 25-Nov-10 10:13:15

well we have arranged to meet up today (at her house as she has no money to meet in town or come her. and that cunt he will be there)

so i am going to mention it and see what happens.

dp tried to ring her from his phone once to see if he could get through, but it went to answerphone. unless it was just a coincidence that time and she was on the phone or something, it wouldn't surprise me if his number has been blocked as well TBH. as i am likely to use his phone to call her.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan Thu 25-Nov-10 10:27:55

god that's weird. couldn't you say you'll pick her up and take her to yours or treat her to a coffee or something?

NicknameTaken Thu 25-Nov-10 11:07:32

Glad you'll be seeing her face to face - you need to make sure that she knows you're trying to contact her, as it would be awful if he has convinced her that you've abandoned her too.

Does she have any email/facebook access?

I feel really sorry for her (and poor you, it's lousy to watch).

superv1xen Thu 25-Nov-10 11:09:16

i normally would pick her up and take her either to mine or for a coffee but my cars knackered at the mo

its awful, she has to ask him for money, and most of the time she doesn't because i think she feels embarassed. she doesn't do anything apart from the school run bless her. she never used to be like this, she was always out doing stuff.

the other week they had no coffee in the house, he doesnt drink it so he wasn't bothered, but she does drink it, so i bought her a jar. this is how bad it is.

NicknameTaken Thu 25-Nov-10 11:11:39

God, he's a shit.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 25-Nov-10 11:13:52

Can you get her an ultra-cheap PAYG phone to contact her on? She could keep it switched off out of sight, he need never know.

LittleMissHissyFit Thu 25-Nov-10 11:25:05

God he sounds a monster. your poor friend!

She needs to get at least the child benefit. can she get herself to the CAB.

LittleMissHissyFit Thu 25-Nov-10 11:25:33

Actually Super, when your car is on the road, get an appointment and pick her up and take her there.

EricNorthmansMistress Thu 25-Nov-10 12:06:21

But does she want to leave? Does she want things to be different? Yes he is a shit but unless she recognises that and wants help from vixen then there isn't much she can do

bupcakesandcunting Thu 25-Nov-10 12:08:26

He sounds a twat. Kick him in the cock.

nickeldonkeyonadustyroad Thu 25-Nov-10 12:34:58

I would be reluctant to text her or phone her from another phone, as he might be in earshot of it, and he might have blocked all numbers bar his.
that would mean he would know that she was receiving texts he doesn't want her to.

I agree with the idea of getting her a PAYG phone that you insist she keeps on silent at all times and keeps hidden from him.

If she always contacts you from landline and mobile, it sounds like he's keeping tabs on what she's doing (and it means that he can also control what she says), so a phone he doesn't know about means that she can tell you stuff that she might not dare to.

MackerelOfFact Thu 25-Nov-10 12:37:18

He sounds like an idiot. I really hope she doesn't think any of this is right or ok.

Definitely call from an unknown phone (phone box, even) to see if you can get through.

Are you definitely sure it's not your or her signal that's the problem? Because in my experience, texts staying in the outbox means they haven't left my phone at all yet, not that they're not being received. Obviously that totally depends on the model of phone though, and if it was you who had no signal you wouldn't get through to her answerphone. But she might have poor signal at home which might be why her H can get through and she can text fine when you're both out? Juat before you go levelling accusations which might get her in more trouble... good luck!

BrokenBananaTantrum Thu 25-Nov-10 12:39:20

It sounds to me as though he has blocked your number. He sounds horrible. Could you ask to borrow her phone while you are at her house and have a look to see if he has?

zipzap Thu 25-Nov-10 12:45:30

Alternatively you could get an ultra cheap payg (there are some for about a pound around at the moment) and use it to call her. But make sure that she lists the number as somebody or something completely different - so that you become Gladys or Glenda or the local sports centre or tea rooms or whatever...

then you could call her and her dh wouldn't be able to see on the incoming calls list or phone directory that it was you IYSWIM

MrsSaxon Thu 25-Nov-10 17:09:11

Just get another sim for your phone. When he cottons on to that, get another one.

He cannot block all the sims in the world!

narkypuffin Thu 25-Nov-10 18:30:08

You can set phones to only accept calls from certain numbers, so he may have set her phone to only accept calls from him rather than specifically blocking your number.

CocoPopsAddict Thu 25-Nov-10 18:39:31

Are you sure he hasn't persuaded/ordered her to get another sim, so she now has a different number? Hence the old number doesn't work at all, but she gets his calls because he knows the new number?

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan Fri 26-Nov-10 07:15:41

how did it go when you saw her?

superv1xen Fri 26-Nov-10 09:37:14

sorry i have only just been back to post.

i bottled out of saying anything blush

i am so annoyed with myself angry but he was there and i just didn't dare say anything. god why am i being such a wuss about this?

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