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to expect DH to actually go to bed

(38 Posts)
Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 08:32:51

dh has been on late shift the last 3 days. he finishes at 11.30 and gets home about 12. And then stays up until 2-3 am watching TV. then has the cheek to moan the next morning that he is tired. I was particularly annoyed yesterday as I was at work at 8am, he stayed up until 3 and got knocky because I told him to get up and sort out the baby. Now he knew he was looking after her for about 4 weeks so it was not a surprise that I dumped on him.

I have worked shifts all my life until I went back from maternity leave so I know that you need a bit of a wind down when you get in but FFS, 3 hours ? When you know you're looking after the baby 5 hours later ? And then be too tired to actually do it properly (he made her stay in bed with him all morning angry)

He thinks I am being unreasonable; I hardly get a minute to myself nlow I am back at work and frankly think he is behaving like a child

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 08:33:41

angry have just checked the internet history to see what time he went to bed adn he was looking at porn angry

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 25-Nov-10 08:39:25

YANBU. The porn issue is something else, the fact that he couldn't take care of your DD properly is the one you need to address first.
Could he watch telly for 30 minutes or does it need to be the PC?

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Thu 25-Nov-10 08:40:58

Fibi, of course YANBU. And grrrr at him looking at porn.

I would make it clear to him that he will have to get up at X time each morning to look after his child, and also that him staying in bed with her all morning is unacceptable. I would guess that when you're at home with her, you do housework, washing, activities with her etc? Very wrong and unfair of him to think it's okay to just laze about in bed.

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 08:47:48

he left various bits of dirty crockery all over the place as well which are clearly my job to sort out (i did it b4 i found the porn)

i have just gone upstairs and gone mental at him. he told me to fuck off angry

i will be telling him not to bother coming back after work tonight until he can show me some fucking respect. i am really really angry.

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Thu 25-Nov-10 08:54:48

He is being an arsehole (or maybe he is always one?)

Get the dirty crockery together and dump it in the bed with him!

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 09:02:11

he has just had a go at me for "banging" a door while I was getting dressed. i absolutely flipped my lid and told him not to bother coming back tonight until he grows up and shows me a shred of respect.

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 09:02:37

oh and i smacked him round the face

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Thu 25-Nov-10 09:03:04

Good for you! He sounds like a selfish arsehole

Frazzledmumwithsmudgedmascara Thu 25-Nov-10 09:03:45

Posted that before I saw the slapped bit. I don't agree with the slapping BTW, but can see how he may have pushed you to your limit.

ConstanceFelicity Thu 25-Nov-10 09:05:42

Doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship, what with the "fuck off" and the slapping...

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 09:05:47

he was telling me to stfu as he wasn't interested.

Fibilou Thu 25-Nov-10 09:07:59

ok constance, so imagine your DH won't look after the baby or help you with the housework because he is too tired after looking at porn till 2am. Then imagine being told to fuck off when you have a go about this situation and being told that your opinion isn't important.

When screaming at the top of your voice doesn't get hyour point across, what exactly do you do ?

simara Thu 25-Nov-10 09:11:24

YANBU to be annoyed with the way he is behaving but YABVU and abusive to slap him

SkeletonFlowers Thu 25-Nov-10 09:11:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Casmama Thu 25-Nov-10 09:11:43

I agree that you should be pissed off and that he is being an idiot but reverse the situation and imagine what people would say if your dh had slapped you because you told him to fuck off.

SkeletonFlowers Thu 25-Nov-10 09:12:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ConstanceFelicity Thu 25-Nov-10 09:14:22

Fibilou, I'm not blaming you. I don't agree with the slapping, but I think your H was a nob. I don't know what I would do if my H told me to "fuck off" tbh, I think it shows a huge amount of disrespect.

I would be livid about the porn too, but after reading the porn threads,I think I'm in the minority there...


ConstanceFelicity Thu 25-Nov-10 09:15:20

Also, if DH slapped me, I would leave him immediately.

Limara Thu 25-Nov-10 09:29:11

Fibilou, in a conflict situation walk away. You know your right, he knows your right, we know your right so what actually is there to prove? It's how YOU respond that's important. Obvious that slapping him is not the answer is it? Has he seen your point more after his slap? NO.

snowflake69 Thu 25-Nov-10 09:43:35

There is nothing wrong with staying up looking at porn or being up late but sometimes you have to get up in the morning and look after your child. I often spend ages on the net looking at sites/porn or go out clubbing but I can get up if I need to look after our daughter even if it means only having 3 hours sleep.

I definitely dont think you should of slapped him.

kreecherlivesupstairs Thu 25-Nov-10 12:03:38

Where's she gone [worried]

Bluegrass Thu 25-Nov-10 12:47:42

Slapping definitely not a good idea. Effectively he is now a victim of DV, unless of course anyone is prepared to discount hitting if it is a "one off", or they were "asking for it", or it "wasn't that hard". I hope all gets sorted out OP, it sounds as if you both may need a bit of outside help.

mayorquimby Thu 25-Nov-10 13:20:05

what do you do when shouting at the top of your voice doesn't work? well you don't slap him for a start.
What a god awful justification for hitting someone. Screaming wasn't working so I had to slap him.

mumeeee Thu 25-Nov-10 16:00:00

I quite often need 2 or 3 hours wind down time sfter I have been on shift. Okay he shouldn't be looking at porn until 2am and he should look after the baby properly, But sshouting at and slapping him is not adult behavior.

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