about Christmas and first baby(126 Posts)
Our first baby is due on Christmas Eve.
We have 25ish people to buy c presents for.
I am finally just about ready for the baby's arrival but have now completely lost all energy to sort out christmas presents. Because we have spent so much on baby gear and making our house reasonably baby accommodating (had to buy a lot of furniture in order to gain storage space in our 1 bed flat) I was planning on hand-making lots but have now lost all energy.
Anyway, aibu to think it's strange that not one member of our families or friends have said "please don't worry about us this christmas, we understand that you have other things to sort out."
The husband and I are disagreeing and I'd love to know general consensus. I think if it was the other way around I'd be keen someone wasn't worrying about us.
That is very strange - I'd get everyone a card with a note in it saying "sorry, we had rather a lot on this year!!"
Well I don't think it's strange that nobody has said, as saying 'don't worry about it' is sort of implying that they would otherwise be expecting presents, which is rude, even with family etc. It is weird of them if they actually are expecting a normal level of Christmas & presents though, but it sounds like you don't actually know that they are?
actually yes I think YAB a bit U here.. you need to preplan (amazon for books for everyone? get them wrapped up ) you are pretnant yes and I get how that makes you tired etc but there is a full month to get it done and you clearly have access to the internet so really I dont think it can be all that big no one is asking you to spend a fortune.
I am sure when the baby does get here you will find your family will be more than generous and wanting to aid and help you
As a rule I don´t do Christmas presents for adults so no, yanbu.
Would love to be buying for a new baby though
They probably haven't even thought about it TBH.
I'd get in there first and explain your situation. Don't wait otherwise you'll end up resentful.
You've obviously been appearing to be coping too well
Go with MPs suggestion.
Just contact them all and let them know that given the circumstances you won't be expecting gifts and won't have time for Christmas shopping.
write your christmas cards, put in them "dont think we'll get round to doing any christmas shopping this year, sorry!"
Also agree with Lonnie a bit, I know you've got a lot on, but if it were me, I guess I would have been picking up little items in August/September, or would be ordering everyone a 'formula present' (something that suits almost everyone, like a mini hamper or something) on the internet now.
But hindsight is a wonderful thing, I know the best laid plans don't always work out so not having a go!
Still make my original point though, I would never say 'don't worry about a present for us' as it's just rude.
Can't you just buy a load of frames for family, then if baby does make an appearance pop a pic in and wrap it. If baby's ends up being a new year baby, just pop a little note in with the frame saying, "pic to follow, model unavailable until new year" and wrap it?
Then everyone gets a small present, next year you don't feel that you have to spend loads to make it up to them, especially as you will have a first birthday to deal with.
DD1 was newborn at xmas, we did this family was happy, and it kind of brought back the meaning of christmas, family!.
Agree with above, they probably haven't thought about it.
Tell you what though. . .You will have even more on your plate next year!
Best to get organised early with budget, internet shopping etc.
Agree with delia.
Them saying don't worry implies they were expecting in the first place.
A few said this to me last year as dc3 was 3 weeks old and we moved house on the 18th dec I had already bought everything though.
I was in the exact position as you OP last year, with DC due on Christmas eve too.
He came 10 ten days early though, and so was glad to have organised Christmas presents etc as we still saw people etc given his early arrival.
I would second the amazon idea or if you can find the energy, get down to Boots/M+S and get a load of three for two gifts. I am sure that people would not be put out that they received a more generic gift from you this year.
Good luck by the way, having a Christmas baby is lovely (I am one too!)
I think you should order something easy online like books or vouchers for everyone. 25 does seem a lot to buy for though - perhaps you could agree present for children only in future?
how can you be too knackered for intenet shopping?
go for something nice but cheap like a book picked for each persons interests. paperbacks for those who read novels and amusing books for those who don't - you need only spend less than a tenner each. and everybody likes an amusing book to read through in boring moments on xmas day.
get amazon to gift wrap them for you.
25 does seem a lot though!
another option would be to go to majestic wines and buy a mixed case of wines (buying by the case gets you some very nice wine for about £7 a bottle).
Love the picture frame idea! Ikea do reasonable frames.
Or try a cheap book site like the Book People and get some box sets, break them up and give everyone a novel for Christmas. Its a token gift but nice and easily sorted. People may not be expecting anything anyway.
What a fab time to be having a baby! Lovely!
I think if I was planning for a baby in a months time I would be mentally exhausted and not give a fig about anyone else.
But if you can, do something little - divide everyone into groups and as people have said already buy a generic gift. Or if you can divide into families a family game for each group. Mostly because that when you still get presents this year you won't have some guilt attached to them about not reciprocating.
Thanks ladies, good responses.
I agree, I think that some people wouldn't say it because it sounds like they are expecting presents.
I think I am most surprised by DH's family who only consist of immediate relatives and are 10 just by themselves. I think they are slightly different from friends because they are obvs always bought for. I am surprised that they haven't said 'please just get for the kids this year' or 'just get us something really small'. But this is being clouded by my general frustrations with DH's family.
Amazon is great but I really feel I've done this to death and it's more the money. Also have done the frames after our wedding. Handmade would have been great cos I can knock a few jars of jam out for a few pounds. But then I'm being a perfectionist and should just deal with giving them the same as last year.
I am in the same position as you OP, my baby is due Christmas Day. I don't have nearly as many presents to buy as you though. I probably won't end up buying any presents this year. I don't see the point in buying generic Boots gifts or books that I know people probably won't like. That seems to smack of buying present for the sake of it to me.
TBH I'm surprised at the attitude of people on this thread, almost as if presents are an obligation rather than something given freely and with generosity. If I give nothing this year I don't feel I'll have to make it up next year, and I'm pretty sure my family at least won't have a word to say about it. But then again in my family presents aren't given huge significance, they're more just a token and I'm sure they won't be hurt by me having other things on my plate!
YABU, a bit.
I started my mat leave at the beginning of December last year and it was great as I was able to be in to wait in for all my parcels being delivered.
I also had time to put my feet up and browse eBay, amazon, MSE Grabbit thread for bargains - everyone got a much better present last year than they will be this year, put it that way....lively DD to look after and we haven't got a bean at the moment, cheap photo frames all the way!
I am due on 12th Jan, and haven't bought a single baby item or Christmas present yet! I am waiting for my 34 week scan next Wednesday (insert stoopidly superstitious icon) and will order the majority of the baby paraphenelia online (broadly know what I want/need)
Re the Christmas presents-I have written down ideas for everyone-I have 18 to buy for and again, will make one trip to TK MaXX and order the rest online.
I have had MIL say "we don't want presents this year" but that's because of the recession/impending constraints on our finances when DD is here as opposed to any pressure on me. I told her not to be daft!
I agree. 25 identical photoframes (google wholesale or bulk buy photoframes). Job done.
I would hate to think that someone stretched their money or wore themselves out trying to get me a present. That's not what presents or Christmas are about. I hate getting pointless random presents from people - I'd much rather they phoned me than send me something generic. It seems to me that gift giving has become an obligation rather than a joy. OP has a huge life event coming up that far exceeds her family's need for presents. If they genuinely care about her they shouldn't give a toss whether she buys them presents or not.
BTW OP why are you worrying about DH's family? Surely that's his concern?
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