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to get annoyed by

(42 Posts)
hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 13:45:30

....people who think that because they don't do X or Y they are vastly superior parents. E.G " I don't let my kids eat grapes in the supermarket so I am BETTER as a parent thatn you"
"I carry my baby in a sling/only use a bugaboo therefore I am a BETTER parent"
" I never let my children watch t.v/cry for more than 2 seconds/feed on demand therefore am a BETTER parent.
What is witht the smuggness? I don't think I'm a better parent beacuse of my parenting choices they just work for my DC's and me. In fact there are things that I've had in my head as absolute that I've had to change my mind about because they just don't work with my DC or in the circumstances i live in now. If something works for you great, if you know you would never do X,Y or Z equally great. We are all different and we are all doing our best so why act as if the choices we make make us morally superior.
<and breathe>

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 14:05:29

Just me then grin

MaryBS Tue 23-Nov-10 14:11:11


SpikyBinkle Tue 23-Nov-10 14:18:35

YANBU I find parts of being a parent really difficult. I make mistakes. I learn from others. And sometimes I get it right, in which case I'm just relieved rather than puffed up with superiority. I just don't understand why we can't be supportive of one another? We all want the same thing, even if we have different ideas about getting there.

I am very lucky in that the group of parents I know are clueless of the same frame of mind as me.

cheesesarnie Tue 23-Nov-10 14:18:43

has anyone actually ever said any of those things to you though or are you being paranoid?

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 14:19:26

Hallelujah!! I was beginning to think I was a lone voice of -superior- sane parenting grin

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 14:21:11

Some of them said to me, some inferred and some gleaned from the - wisdom - of mumsnet

onthepier Tue 23-Nov-10 14:21:41

I sympathise Hobnob as I have a friend who often talks as though she's superior to me, (well I thought it was just me but I've heard her do it with others too)! Here are some things she's said in day-to-day conversation:

I admit I do buy fish fingers (while I was serving them up to my own dd's!), but I only buy 100 percent cod. I replied I think they're all 100 percent cod and got no answer!

Our kids like sausages too but we don't buy the crappy ones, we get ours from local deli in town. (I'm thinking well I buy Sainsburys taste the difference, just as good surely!)

When all our kids were younger she'd always comment on how hers (apparently) reached their milestones earlier
than minehmm

She once recoiled in horror when I fed my one yr old dd a jar of babyfood while out! It was "I'd never dream of feeding mine babyfood in a jar, my dh wants our two only to have the best! (Fast forward a few months when I was regularly looking after her one yr old once a week and what food did she supply every time? You've guessed, babyfood in a jar!

When I mentioned we'd ordered our Xmas turkey as we're going to have a houseful Xmas day she asked where from and said "Oh it's so much cheaper if you get it from there, we always order ours from such-and-such though, X amount of £'s but such a treat! My dh saw me about to retaliate and muttered "Leave it!!" He tells me just to smile and nod with agreement at everything she says and not stoop to her level of one-upmanship but I sometimes just can't!!

What is it with some people?!

jonesy71 Tue 23-Nov-10 14:24:56


smuggety smugness

i've got one..

"i would not dream making my life easier by driving to the supermarket and parking in the P&C - I would rather take 3 buses and walk another mile without a pushchair for my 18 month old and my 6 month old triplets in their slings hanging from me like giant baubles on a flaming christmas tree"

DooinMeCleanin Tue 23-Nov-10 14:26:19

I don't get annoyed, I feel sorry for people like this, constant attempts at one upmanship make me feel that they are insecure about their life/parenting skills.

My sister can be a bit like this, it's a shame as she is a great mum, but she never seems to take time to stop and enjoy as she is too busy trying to be the perfect mum.

LaWeaselMys Tue 23-Nov-10 14:26:28

I find it odd when it is something totally random, like what kind of pushchair you have. Or whether you use reins.

I got loads of hmm faces for buying a basic pushchair that was suitable from birth but was not a rear facing high flat pram thing. As though DD not being able to see me for the first 6 months (at which ages if she was in the pushchair she was ASLEEP) was a shocking crime.

It's all just so irrelevant compared to things like your actual parenting style. And even those seems to be largely be similar when you get down to them.

AlpinePony Tue 23-Nov-10 14:28:00

YANBU - and I"m sorry somebody has upset you with this today - some days it washes over us, some days not.

DooinMeCleanin hits the nail on the head from my pov - it's those who are insecure about what they're doing who feel the need to vocally justify their decisions.

AlpinePony Tue 23-Nov-10 14:29:11

LaWeaselMys - I have just 2 weeks ago ditched the aforementioned beomoth of a travelsystem and bought myself a nice forward-facing buggy. DS does not appear overly traumatised, but I'm sure it'll all come out in therapy one day. grin

StealthPolarBear Tue 23-Nov-10 14:29:47

jonesy, did someone really say that to you??

StealthPolarBear Tue 23-Nov-10 14:30:58

"suitable from birth but was not a rear facing high flat pram thing."

but surely from birth they have to be lying (nearly) flat? Or am I missing something?

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 14:33:04

It doesn't upset me just irritates me but I see some vulneable people both on here and in RL made to feel utterly crap about perfectly acceptable personal choices.

LaWeaselMys Tue 23-Nov-10 14:35:52

Alpine - I like to think everyone comes round to my way of thinking in the end.

I am a bit smug about having got the right pushchair first time. But that doesn't mean I think everybody should have the same type as DD!

SpikyBinkle Tue 23-Nov-10 14:35:52

grin AlpinePony
I was just thinking about how appreciate our kids will be of our efforts? DD1 is so grateful that I weaned her entirely on organic fruit and veg (PFB) that she now looks aghast at anything vaguley resembling a vegetable. I have to mash them up and hide them in her McDonalds pasta sauce

LaWeaselMys Tue 23-Nov-10 14:37:36

Stealth - it's a silvercross pop. Feel free to google.

It's basically a normal pushchair but the back reclines. It's flat enough to be (by regulation) suitable from birth. It is/was totally fine.

You can get others too, there's a McLaren one I remember looking at.

AlpinePony Tue 23-Nov-10 14:40:16

Stealth - modern technology's bloody marvellous - if I'd known the buggy could lie flat and was suitable from birth and cost 100 euros... well, I'd not have bought a secondhand travelsystem for 125 bought a brand new Stokke for 1000 euros. grin

StealthPolarBear Tue 23-Nov-10 14:40:43

ah right, so it does recline, think I misread your post sorry Just had visions of newborns tumbling off because they were sat bolt upright

LaWeaselMys Tue 23-Nov-10 14:44:14

No, no.

It's just not one of those mammoth things most people have. (So very practical if you haven't got the space and need to fold it up several times daily)

Talking of Stokke's there's a woman round here who has one for her new baby at a flat.

I can't work out for the life of me how she gets up the stairs.

hobnobsaremyfave Tue 23-Nov-10 14:46:46

I think it was the threads about playpen's and reins that got me thinking about this. I mean who gives a fuck either way what ever works for you yadda yadda, but some people seem to give these issues WAY to much thought.

SpikyBinkle Tue 23-Nov-10 14:55:04

I had no idea that there were people frowning at reins and playpens until I read those threads.

DooinMeCleanin Tue 23-Nov-10 14:55:13

I used a playpen and use reins now. Anyone who is against them has clearly never met dd2, the child who could find something naughty/dangerous to do in an empty, padded, locked room grin

They helped me stay sane, helped dd2 stay safe and helped me spend time with dd1. If only she hadn't learn to escape the playpen.....

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