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to still be pissed off with DH for ignoring my birthday

(20 Posts)
babymutha Mon 22-Nov-10 23:49:31

no card, no present, just a 'happy birthday' and a 'i didn't have time to get you a present'. He did make a(rather rubbish)card with DD while I was at hospital appointment (think sister txted him). I've had a rubbish year, am ill, have to go for an operation, am a personless SAHM with no life... I'm not asking for anything flash, just a card and box of chocs and feeling appreciated, just a bit, for a change.
It's been nearly a week. I'm still cross. AIBU?

MadamDeathstare Mon 22-Nov-10 23:54:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anonymosity Mon 22-Nov-10 23:55:14

How old are you, 12? Once you are old enough to know better really you shouldn't be making this kind of stink.

BitOfFun Mon 22-Nov-10 23:55:25

I think that you need to reclaim a bit of your self-esteem back. You are doing an important job, but even your username relegates you to just that role. Have you told him how you feel and what you expect?

Katey1010 Mon 22-Nov-10 23:56:07

YANBU. You deserve one day with a little special you stuff. Have you told him how you feel? Does he have time to do other things (my DH always has time for his computer...). If so, ordering flowers or chocolates online takes 5 minuntes. Tell him what you need.

AnyFuleKno Mon 22-Nov-10 23:59:28

Anon, either you've misread the op or you've posted one of the more ignorant responses I've read on mumsnet recently.

MadamDeathstare Tue 23-Nov-10 00:00:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare Tue 23-Nov-10 00:01:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babymutha Tue 23-Nov-10 10:29:15

thanks all.
mds his family don't 'do' birthdays but we've been together FOR EVER and he knows how I feel.
I did say "what no card?" and he made excuses. He has had time to go out with DD and his friends at the weekend, but apparently not enough time to buy even the tiniest token present.

bitoffun I've been trying to reclaim a bit of 'me' but everything I do seems to have only a temporary effect. I'd like to get a pt job - but I can't find anything,DD can start nursery (theoretically) in Jan...
moan moan moany moan.
being ill compounds everything. He's going to have to take time off when I have my surgery but he seems more worried about taking the time off than the effect the bloody op is going to have on me.

babymutha Tue 23-Nov-10 10:31:03

..and mds I don't think he notices if the house is tidy or untidy. Its just me that goes insane if it's a tip.

Lulumaam Tue 23-Nov-10 10:32:54

I have had a few more birthdays than I care to remember, and would be majorly pissed off if my husband did not mark the occasion in some small way. celebrating one special day a year is not being OTT.. i think anonymosity is being exceptionally rude .. So, if all your family forgot or could not be arsed with your birthday, you'd be ok? good for you!

i happen to think that marking the occasion, celebrating another year and reminiscing about hte past and looking to the future is something everyone should celebrate

FranSanDisco Tue 23-Nov-10 10:35:53

Oh I can sympathise with you. It was my birthday this month and dh didn't get me anything as he had flu. Dcs aren't old enough to shop on their own so no cards from them. I was fine with this but what did upset me was that on the weekend following my birthday dh takes dd and ds into town and they all return with little 'gifts' for themselves. I thought they may get me a bunch of flowers for my poor empty vase sad. I told them I thought they were all very selfish and they looked [shocked]. I'm now dropping mahoosive hints for christmas grin.

maxpower Tue 23-Nov-10 10:45:00

YANBU - I've yet to completely forgive DH (then DBF) for not buying me an Easter egg.....14 years ago grin

cheekyseamonkey Tue 23-Nov-10 10:52:24

YANBU - he's a selfish arse.

pommedeterre Tue 23-Nov-10 10:54:25

In terms of not feeling appreciated and missing all the normal social markers of praise and recognition as a mother I totally empathise. Reading 'What Mothers do' by 'Naomi Stadlen has helped me. Beg, borrow or steal a copy.

FreudianSlimmery Tue 23-Nov-10 11:02:31


I don't want a big deal made out of my birthday some years, same with DH, but the difference with us is that we'd talk about it beforehand - like a couple of years ago I had crippling morning sickness and explained in advance that I wouldn't be able to get him anything, and that I'd make it up to him on valentines day a few weeks later when I felt better.

babymutha Tue 23-Nov-10 12:56:05

thanks pomme will try and get a copy.

putthekettleon Tue 23-Nov-10 14:13:26

I sympathise... DH also does not 'do' cards. However on my first birthday after having DD I got so angry with him for not getting me a 'happy birthday mummy' card (after I'd made a massive effort with a personalised gift on his birthday when DD was only 9 weeks old) that he never did it again! I still have to drop massive hints in the weeks leading up to it though, i.e. "hmm, what shall we do on my birthday NEXT WEDNESDAY?"

Tell him how you feel and make him take you out for lunch/buy you a takeaway this weekend.

HecateQueenOfWitches Tue 23-Nov-10 16:13:13

If you want to be petty grin ... Do you do anything for his birthday? If so, I suggest this time you do nothing. Nothing at all but wish him a happy birthday. If he says anything, look puzzled and say "But I thought we weren't celebrating our birthdays any more - we didn't celebrate mine."

I find nothing gets through to people more than a huge dose of their own medicine.

On the feeling appreciated thing - tell him how you feel. It doesn't need to be a birthday for him to do something sweet for you (and you for him)

CarGirl Tue 23-Nov-10 16:19:01

DH did this to me once despite him knowing that my b'day is a big deal to me (parents rubbish at birthday gifts), it was his birthday 2 weeks later so I returned the treatment. He did not like it one bit and know really understands it is about the thought that counts even if it's only breakfast in bed, him arranging the sitter and him deciding where we're going out etc.

If your dh doesn't a make a fuss of you on your b'day then it's a complete non-event.

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