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to not want to go out with DH?

(13 Posts)
moonsquirter Mon 22-Nov-10 10:07:02

Background: DS is 5 months and I've been trying to get him to take a bottle for the last 3 months with no luck. DS is a big baby, demand fed and very erratic with feeds so DH has been reluctant to be left alone with him even for half an hour in case he gets hungry and kicks off. I don't really mind this, it's only a few months out of a lifetime after all, but obviously my opportunities for going out are a bit limited as I find it quite tiring to be keeping a small baby happy and fed at parties/restaurants etc. I just can't relax properly, never get to concentrate properly on a conversation and don't feel 100% comfortable breastfeeding in some environments. During this time, DH has gone out a couple of times a week on average, works quite late the other nights and is often busy on weekends catching up with paperwork, going to football or relaxing. Again, mainly I don't mind this as he works hard during the week.

Anyway, miracles do happen and it looks like DS has finally got the hang of a bottle. DH and I are both really pleased, but his first comment was "great, now we can go out for an evening together". I'm obviously pleased that he wants us to spend time together, but AIBU to think that I'd rather go out with some mates and be able to finish a conversation (without having to get my boobs out in public) with a different adult for once??

I think part of me also wants him to do a bit of sacrificing. His life has barely changed since DS was born - probably easier in fact, as I am at home all day so get all the jobs done/cook nice dinners etc. I think I might want him to understand that it gets quite boring and lonely in the evenings once DD and DS are in bed. (Now that bit is unreasonable!)

christmasheave Mon 22-Nov-10 10:13:58

YABU as I don't see why you can't do both and why him wanting a night out with you would be such an unreasonable thing to suggest.

I ebf LO till 9 mos and now mix feed boob/cup when needed. Since I stopped ebf I've enjoyed nights out with DH and with friends.

DH wanted to spend time with me where I didn't have to put LO first and I wanted to spend time with friends as well. Unless you're saying you can only have one night out now he takes the occasional bottle, I don't see what the problem is.

oliviacrumble Mon 22-Nov-10 10:18:27

Well, I think it was a nice thing that your Dh wanted the the two of you to go out together.

Surely it's not an either/or situation?

Are you miffed because he didn't say straight away 'oh great, now you can go out with your friends'? Because if you are, I think that's a bit unrealistic. (Or would be in our house, anyway grin).

moonsquirter Mon 22-Nov-10 10:20:28

I didn't say it was an unreasonable thing to suggest - in fact, I said I was pleased he wanted to spend time with me (it's certainly not a "problem"!). I suppose I was just wondering if I was abnormal in wanting to go out with friends first.

needafootmassage Mon 22-Nov-10 10:23:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oliviacrumble Mon 22-Nov-10 10:24:00

Not a bit abnormal! I guess you just need to phrase it tactfully, in case he feels slightly put out?

curlymama Mon 22-Nov-10 10:24:35

Your marriage is more important than friends, so in your situation I'd want to go out with my husband first.

Book both into the diary, and go out with your friends as a trial to see how your baby copes without you. That might help sell it to DH, and encourage him to do his best and make it a success when you go out.

PamelaFlitton Mon 22-Nov-10 10:26:58

YABU your relationship is important, more important than going out with your friends

JinnyS Mon 22-Nov-10 10:28:31

YABU and I think your DH's first comment was fantastic!

colditz Mon 22-Nov-10 10:29:09

I would challange the idea that marriages are more important than friends - some of my friends have been around since I was 14 - nobody I meet now is going to be more important than them.

moonsquirter Mon 22-Nov-10 10:33:24

Actually, I haven't been out at all with my friends in the evening since DS was born. I've had two nights out, both with DH, to important events of his friends. I was very happy to do this, as we didn't want to miss either, but I did find both very wearing as I basically had full responsibility for the baby i.e. baby cries, he gets handed to me.

I guess I just miss my friends quite a bit (not many are around during the day). I am genuinely pleased that DH wants to spend some time with me and will enjoy it when we do go out, I suppose I'm just jealous that he gets to have uninterrupted time with his friends a couple of times a week when I'm stuck at home.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers Mon 22-Nov-10 10:37:26

Then start making a regular arrangement with your friends for a night out. You could do that and still have nights out with your DH.

moonsquirter Mon 22-Nov-10 11:06:30

Thanks all, a fairly unanimous response that IABU!

It's also helped me realise what's really bothering me here - I think it's because DH didn't seem very interested in coming home and spending time with me on a normal night, when the baby's around and demanding some attention so I was put out that suddenly he wanted to be with me once it involves a night out. I definitely need to separate the two though, and just enjoy the time with DH.

Thanks again for reality check!

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