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A good job there aren't many men on MN

(1001 Posts)
Truckulent Mon 22-Nov-10 08:00:01

I think men would be shocked at the level of resentment leveled at them on MN. Almost a seething mass of contempt at times.

I'm a man, been on here for years. And I was surprised by it.

AIBU to think it's a good job there aren't many men on here, or would more men posting help men and women understand each other better?

Tee2072 Mon 22-Nov-10 08:01:20

Perhaps you should keep in mind that we don't usually come here to post 'Oh my DH is sooo wonderful' (although those to happen) but to get sympathy when they are being wankers.

It's the nature of the beast and I think it would be the same even if there were more men.

mumblechum Mon 22-Nov-10 08:03:32

I think some men would be a bit taken aback by some of the vitriol shown by some posters.

On the whole, though, the "seething mass of comtempt" is balanced by saner views.

Sometimes I read about situations where yes, the man is being a bit of a prat about something, but he's just being a human being with his own issues, and his whole character is torn to shreds by a certain sector of MN who see emotional abuse in every little spat.

KaraStarbuckThrace Mon 22-Nov-10 08:08:21

Truckulent - I see it to... but it also makes me grateful that DH is generally a good bloke who doesn't cheat, isn't lazy, treats me with respect and doesn't use violence against me.
Unlike some of the partners I read about on here sad
Does your DW post on here? That's when you should get worried is when she posts about you on here!! grin

stickersarecurrency Mon 22-Nov-10 08:10:33

I think it's great to have men around here, but as long as the bulk of posters are female you'll get an atmosphere skewed that way. Truly contemptuous views are rare IMO. More commonly it's an action or behaviour which is on the receiving end of criticism. I agree with mumblechum that there's a section of MN which will shout "abuse" when some poor bloke has left the loo seat up, but I guess that many of the women on here have been on the receiving end of very bad treatment and I excuse them.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Mon 22-Nov-10 08:11:15

I rather like having one tiny space in the world where I don't have to consider men's feelings as more important than mine.

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Mon 22-Nov-10 08:13:18

Try and seek out some of the threads where posters are talking about how lovely their H's are.

It is certainly true that many of the posts are dealing with problems and hurt because happiness doesn't need 'dealing' with, IYSWIM.

The other problem is, and apparently this is so in counselling and therapy... a 'perpetrator' will rarely seek help because they don't often recognise that they are wrong. So I suspect apart from the odd Troll, the men on here are generally balance and equally so, you won't get abusive women posting on here. So there seems a massive imbalance.

It is sad, but there is also a lot of humour directed to men in exasperation I think. But that's just the normal ebb and flow of a normal relationship I think.

BonniePrinceBilly Mon 22-Nov-10 08:19:40

Its mumsnet...the clue is in the name. Women spend their whole lives pandering to the feelings of men, fitting into the spaces left for them....we aren't even allowed to talk openly on an anonymous forum for fear of upsetting YOU? hmm

Thats a YABU, in case I'm not being clear enough.

Blackduck Mon 22-Nov-10 08:21:21

Tortoise - well said...

bruxeur Mon 22-Nov-10 08:22:29

Not more.


Different, see?

bruxeur Mon 22-Nov-10 08:23:59

Also - BPB - you seem to be responding to a post that no-one else can see.

Which is ironic, as you obviously can't read the logo top left of screen.

HecateQueenOfWitches Mon 22-Nov-10 08:27:10

YANBU. It may be called 'mumsnet' but it clearly states it is a parenting forum. "By parents for parents" Now, the last time I checked - men were parents too.

It is not unreasonable for a man to come to a parenting forum to connect with other parents.

It is unreasonable to think that just because someone has a penis, they should not want to talk about normal stuff, but should be only interested in going down the pub, being on war games etc. That's as bad as all the - women's place is in the home, women should.... women shouldn't...

I think it is a shame there are not more men on mumsnet. Perhaps if there were there would not be the view that it is a place only for women and men, some men, are tolerated, but it would be understood that it is an open forum, aimed at parents.

And we wouldn't have the foulness that a male poster often gets thrown at them.

Have you ever seen a pack of crows tear apart an owl?

frakkinup Mon 22-Nov-10 08:28:34

There are several men on here who have valid points of view which are listened to but I think it's harder for them to become accepted. Some posters it took me a while to realise they were male! Unfortunately the majority of the time men stumble in and don't 'read' a situation the way the women who are posting/reading do and that inflames the situation.

There areas where men would be advised to steer well clear though... Quite often in those discussions a sane and sensible man would a) realise it's the rantings of a hormonal woman who doesn't want to bring it up with her DH but doesn't want to let it fester particularly when it's pregnancy related, b) see the not-so-D H is being a dick/abusive/behaving in a manner which isn't acceptable for anyone male or female or c) understand that like draws like and the seeting mass of contempt threads are made up of those with a grudge against the male half of the species but that not everyone is like that.

Snorbs Mon 22-Nov-10 08:28:57

I think there is a degree of truth in what you say. I also note that on occasion when a woman poster here does admit to behaving in a clearly abusive manner the abuse is usually excused and often even blamed on the man.

Eg, often MN threads go such that if a husband regularly calls his wife a useless arsehole then he's being abusive and should be kicked into touch. If a wife regularly calls her husband a useless arsehole, he drove her to it by being lazy and/or abusive himself confused

On the other hand, MN is what it is. If you don't like it there are a million other sites out there.

jumpyjack Mon 22-Nov-10 08:31:03

I'm married (soon to be separated) to a man who has turned out to be a lousy husband and freely admit I am full of resentment and anger.

But one of the reasons I enjoy Mumsnet is that I get to read about women who are surrounded by good, honest, caring men and that it is possible to have positive and enjoyable relationships.

BonniePrinceBilly Mon 22-Nov-10 08:44:13

I don't think its at all unreasonable for men to be here, clearly they are parents too. But lets not pretend its called Parentnet, it isn't, and the reason for that is because its overwhelmingly a site used by women.

I have no problem with millions of men posting whatever they want. I do though have a problem with men posting things that read like "you lot, you're a load of bitches aren't you, maybe you need some more men around here to calm you down"

my opinion, nothing more.

2shoes Mon 22-Nov-10 08:45:24

as I think if there were more men on here it would balance things, I hate the anti men stuff on here.
but there are lots of posters on here who don't see men as the enemy

TrillianAstra Mon 22-Nov-10 08:49:40

BPB - Parentsnet is a crap name.

I'm not even a parent.

I generally try to speak up in the 'Arrrgh men are useless why can't they put on the dishwasher/find the scissors/etc' threads and say that actually men can do these things and the OP is making a ridiculous generalisation along the lines of 'why can't women park'.

MittzyBittzyTeenyWeeny Mon 22-Nov-10 08:55:22

I agree that female abusers are 'defended' and given a break that male aren't. That somehow if a female is abuse it is because she was backed into a corner that changed her, but if it is a man, well that is just the way of some men and they can't change and are just bad sad.

I love the threads that are about healthily balance relationships smile

beijingaling Mon 22-Nov-10 08:59:43

I'm new to mumsnet. I had never come here as I had picked up the idea that it was filled with very nasty, very bitchy women who would tell you what a stupid shit you were if they didn't agree with your POV.

How wrong was I!

I think the level of support and honesty shown to other people is wonderful and is shown by the number of threds and bumps and comments made to say 'are you ok? Did everything work out? Please let us know you're fine'

Yes there is some man/mil/etc bashing on here but at least it gives people the chance to talk anonymously.

You should also realize that a lot of ppl here have had truely shit experiences and of course it will colour their view.

Beachcomber Mon 22-Nov-10 09:01:32

I agree with Tortoise;

"I rather like having one tiny space in the world where I don't have to consider men's feelings as more important than mine."

I think a lot of the resentment comes from the fact that we still live in a society where men as a group have different status to women as a group.

Unfortunately that phenomenon goes on to affect individual relationships.

I think women understand men perfectly well on the whole - we just get pissed off with a culture that lets men behave in a generally selfish and entitled manner a lot of the time.


That doesn't mean that I don't want men to post on MN, just that they had better not tell me I'm wrong about predominantly gendered issues and experiences such as childbirth or feminism.

DuelingFanjo Mon 22-Nov-10 09:04:37

I think you are missing a lot of posts if all you can see are the ones which talk about men and how awful they are!

ShanahansRevenge Mon 22-Nov-10 09:05:24

I posted under nother name to ask about a relationship issue with DH and he was immediately dismissed as a selfish idiot and a "man child"..and far worse.

It really put me off asking for advice...but that was on the relationship not the same as AIBU.

But yes, I have often thought this...I do howeve think that it's a small contingent rather than most people.

ShanahansRevenge Mon 22-Nov-10 09:05:45

another not nother!

BeenBeta Mon 22-Nov-10 09:14:58

Truckulent - have you just name changed or never posted before?

No I dont agree with you. There are more men on MN than when I first came here - which is good. I think the publicity MN got in the mainstream media has helped. MN is a nice place for men with children or who are thinking about becoming a parent - more should come and read and post. smile

Its true there are a few female posters who will never see any good in any men ever because of bad personal experiences but mostly they are well known. Its also true that female posters do not get criticised and attacked as much as male posters with exactly the same issue and sometimes that is very unfair. I occassionally wonder if there are abusive women on MN - there must be some.

That said, some things I read about what men do to women in relationships are shockingly awful and it has really opened my eyes. Thankfully, most posters seem very happy in their relationships though.

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