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To have expected ds and his mate to have got at least 5 mins on the football pitch

(52 Posts)
tevion Sun 21-Nov-10 19:19:06

My ds and his mate joined a team about a month ago they have gone along to all the training sessions and to every match on a sunday morning.
Today it was a cup match and ds and his mate were left stadning the whole of the match and didn.t get a single opportunity to play.
They were the only two that didn,t.
I have appreciated all along that they may be weaning them in gradually but it was explained at the start that each and very child would at least get 5mins on the pitch.
I asked the coach today if there was a reason for them not playing today and he shook his head and said he needed his strongest players on today and if I don,t like it and he then shook his hands.
I said I thought they would have got 5 mins at least to which he said I can,t please veryone but he still wants them to come next week.
I am quite disappointed in the team now so aibu or is this how it works.

TmiEdward Sun 21-Nov-10 19:24:01

How old are the boys?

I think they must be really disappointed.
A month isn't that long to be on a squad, and if it was a really important match I can kind of see the coach's POV.
However, would it really have hurt to let the boys on for 5 mins??

You should take the boys back next week, otherwise they'll learn that it's fine to give up if they don't get their own way, IYSWIM

cece Sun 21-Nov-10 19:25:18

I would be annoyed too. Can you find another team? I would give them till Christmas and if things don't improve then I would move to another team.

How old is your DS BTW. If under 11 then this is unacceptable imo

GypsyMoth Sun 21-Nov-10 19:26:30

I had this with dd old team.

If the match is important then I understand, and a cup game will be.

See how it goes from now on

ItsJustMyOpinion Sun 21-Nov-10 19:26:37

My dh used to be a manager for a local team, although they were adults, they acted like children! Unfortunately this is how it works. When DH stepped down as manager and just played like the others, he was rarely picked to start a game, often only picked for the last 5 mins amd alot of the time left on the bench.

Like you said, they have only been playing for about 1 month, how many games have there been in a month? I am presuming 1 a week, and it was a cup game, so obviously the coach wants the strongest players for a cup game.

I am sure they will get a chance to play, if not a full game, then part of a game soon. Give it time.

pozzled Sun 21-Nov-10 19:30:07

I think YAB(a bit) U to expect them to play in an important match only a month after joining the team. However, I also think the coach was wrong to tell you that each child would get 5 minutes on the pitch, and then change this- especially if they also understood that this was the case. I would have a word with the coach, remind him what you were told and ask him why things have changed, or why you were told something at the start which clearly isn't happening.

Nancy66 Sun 21-Nov-10 19:30:20

My stepson's football coach thinks he's Alex Ferguson. Always screaming at the players, talking about: commitment, dedication and team spirit.

Stepson is six and a half!

numotre Sun 21-Nov-10 19:32:11

YABU its cup game, lose and the team is out so he does need his best team playing

mangoandlime Sun 21-Nov-10 19:34:25

A month isn't very long.

In a cup match the coach will want to play his best team, but it's harsh not to play your ds for even a short amount of time.

AnnoyingOrange Sun 21-Nov-10 19:36:54

Are your children signed up to the league and able to play in cup games?

when my ds joined a team it was some weeks before we agreed a) he was committed enough to play and b) the coach wanted him in the squad. We then got him signed up

huddspur Sun 21-Nov-10 22:07:11

YABU its knockout football, the coach has to pick the best team

newwave Sun 21-Nov-10 22:56:41

YANBU, I helped run a couple of teams, under 10 and under 11, it was explained to the parents it was abour ALL the kids enjoying themselves and not about parents ego's. Bear in mind the humiliation felt by the "left outs" and their self image.

The manager sounds like a cunt.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 21-Nov-10 23:00:33

Was it a close match?

AuntiePickleBottom Sun 21-Nov-10 23:01:26

yanbu, my nephew gave up on playing ootball as he never got picked to play and all he wanted was to have fun.

it not like it's the FA cup or the world cup final

TheFallenMadonna Sun 21-Nov-10 23:03:41

My DS gave up football because he was a bit rubbish, and didn't want to be responsible for his team losing. While it was just fine, it was fine, but once it goes to leagues and cups and stuff, it isn't just fun. It's tough for children who aren't good at it.

popelle Sun 21-Nov-10 23:04:38

I help run a football team and all though we try to involve all the people who come to training for a cup game only the best players would get on.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Nov-10 23:46:26

I don't see the point of running any kind of competitive team unless the intention is to win.

As this was a cup match YABU: he needed the strongest players.

newwave Sun 21-Nov-10 23:48:22

I dont think the age was mentioned but if it was under 11 or younger then winning isnt all that matters

ilovesooty Sun 21-Nov-10 23:54:36

Not "all" that matters, but surely it's important. There are plenty of non competitive types of exercise to be involved in if that's what children want to do. Football's a team sport, involving winners and losers and this was a cup game.

newwave Mon 22-Nov-10 00:02:54

As I say it does depend on the age. The neccesity of winning at a young age sends the wrong message.

mangoandlime Mon 22-Nov-10 06:39:34

If you're talking about playing in a cup match, in an 'A' league, then it is taken seriously.

onceamai Mon 22-Nov-10 07:15:09

If it was a close game and your ds and his friend had lost the match for the team in the last five minutes, how do you think the other players would have reacted?

It's a sport and a team game and it's played to win. If they want to play they have to understand that. Surely they were as delighted their team won as they were disappointed that they didn't get on.

I think you have shown really bad sportsmanship here and set a really bad example for the boys. The coach must be tearing his hair out.

Sorry, but if you can't handle them sitting on the bench for this team find a team that's not as good and they will find out all about disappointment. It would do them a lot more good to tell them to put their heart and soul into training to improve their play and to apologise to the coach who probably puts in a lot of his free time to give the boys some much needed sport.

CokeFan Mon 22-Nov-10 07:24:53

Presumably the coach would have known that your ds and his mate weren't the "strongest" players and so could have explained to them in advance that they weren't going to be able to play in the cup match but could still watch if they wanted to.

I agree that learning to deal with disappointment is an important lesson but promising that you're going to play and then being the only ones left out seems overly harsh.

Wellwasi Mon 22-Nov-10 07:31:23

I think it depends on the ethos of the team and club. If they are a win at all costs type and are open about that ,what happened is fine.

But if they are a club that says that they are for the benefit of the children the manager should have played them.

And also if he doesn't think they are good enough he shouldn't have signed them up.

onceamai Mon 22-Nov-10 07:37:57

Sorry but the other team were probably punching above their weight and the coach had to go with the flow to win a cup match for the 11 players on the field, the squad and the club. Playing in a team is about more than the sensitivities of individuals.

The poor man probably does this voluntarily and had to make decisions on the go. Probably should have said I will get you on if I can rather than you will play. But surely if you were watching you could have seen the reasons for his decision.

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