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To think parents don't get to have twenty minute poos anymore

(39 Posts)
Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:01:26

Aibu? I'm fed up with dh this morning as ten minutes into his epic twenty minute poo with iPhone ds needs s wee, so instead of using the toilet like normal, I put him on the potty at dh's feet to do a wee and leave them to it and go off toclean up from the breakfast I made them both.

A few minutes later ds is screaming, so after wondering why dh isn't sitting him out, go back to the bathroom to find ds on the floor covered in a potty of wee and dh still on loo playing with iPhone. A whole outfit needed changed and washed, bathroom floor and bathmat needing washed and boy needing washed.

Apparently according to dh, it was my responsibility to make sure ds was safely off the potty as dh was having a poo. So he could of reached down and helped him off the potty as he was busy.

Now apparently dh us going to start locking the door when he goes to the loo and leaving the potty outside the door.

I never get a toilet visit alone anymore, let alone a 20 minute one, or perhaps the equivalent 20 min soak in the bath.

Ds is toilet training, doing really well, I don't think it's the appropriate time to try and teach him that if he needs the toilet then if daddy or mummy are in there to wait. Maybe next year or when he'll understand.

Aibu to expect dh to not be sit on the loo and ignore his son? Are a man's toilet visit sacred?

beebuzzer Sat 20-Nov-10 10:04:33

Oh dear! Thats not fair. You should ban the i phone in the toilet!

I never get one either, If I go into the bathroom and close the door my 1 year old screams the place down (and no DH does not help) So unfair. Mums should definately have a designanted loo time.

LaurieScaryCake Sat 20-Nov-10 10:05:34

I think it's gross to not lock the door when you go to the loo so I'm afraid you're not going to like my contribution.

Before going to loo your dh should ask everyone in the house if they need a wee and administrate small people as necessary. We only have one loo so that's what we have to do.

Or take shorter shits. grin

You're both in the wrong, him for being a twat and not supervising and you for expecting him to have someone in the toilet with him when poo-ing.

FerminaUrbinoDaza Sat 20-Nov-10 10:05:54


beebuzzer Sat 20-Nov-10 10:07:37

'Or take shorter shits. ' ..... and get piles! grin

mistressploppy Sat 20-Nov-10 10:08:34

Mine does this 20min poo thing too, drives me nuts. When do I get 20mins of perfect peace? (blush Oh, now, while DS is napping and I'm MNing...)

YANBU though!

Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:16:23

My boy is eighteen months, not really old enough to understand that he can't go into the loo when we're in there. So as I say, maybe next year I'll start talking about toilet privacy, but at the moment I don;t think it'll be understood.

At the moment he's obsessed with using the toilet (his choice btw, not mine, i know he's young to potty train, but he's leading it) and as soon as one of us uses the loo he'll want to go too. He'll bash on the door, or open it himself, go into, do his sign for toilet and grab the potty and toilet seat.

He can't take his clothes off though and he's not steady enough on his feet to get on and off the potty or loo himself, so he needs lots of help. He usually do a wee or a poo and pretty much has a clean dry nappy 75% of the day. I figure that this is unusual, but to be encouraged not discouraged.

Do other parents of one year olds get to go to the toilet on their own? Am I being daft and baby centric here? Should our need for toilet privacy come above encouraging ds to continue learning about using the toilet?

rubyrubyruby Sat 20-Nov-10 10:19:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts Sat 20-Nov-10 10:21:02

OP google "Elimination communication" - loads of info available on gentle, baby led but early "potty training" (not really training as you know!) - most sites will have info on babies 1 year+.

beebuzzer Sat 20-Nov-10 10:23:29

sorry to hijack thread but what signs do they give when they are ready to potty train?

mmmmmchocolate Sat 20-Nov-10 10:24:28

Diggers do we have the same DP? I've given up moaning. Sometimes it can stretch out for 45 minutes.

mrspickles Sat 20-Nov-10 10:29:07

I have exactly same argument with DH, he takes the paper in with him and I am SURE only 10% of the time is necessary to actually poo, and the rest is him having a lovely read of the paper in peace. However I would let DD loose in there if she needed a wee and bugger off making damn sure DH was entirely responsible for her ! It does not take that long to have a poo, if I need a poo when DH is at work I have to manage the kids as well, so I think it is a cheek for him to bugger off and expect an uninterrupted poo esp when they enjoy it so much, you don't get that once you have kids!

Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:32:53

i can ensure you ruby that i have no desire to go in the toilet when my dh is in there, but if he won't get off the loo when his son is banging on the door, grabbing his potty and screaming at him then I kinda of feel I should help ds.

I have no idea about the iphone on the loo thing either, apparently he's playing "angrybirds". Which to me is ironic as it makes me an angry bird.

Aye, Elimination communication indeed bertiebotts. DS has been at it since he was nine months or so, wouldn't poo in his nappy. Learnt the sign for toilet about 3 months ago and now asks to go several times a day. I didn't start off wanting to do EC atall, but I think my son had been reading up on it. Babies are weird! Yeah I might have a read again about toddlers and EC, might help.

Beebuzzer, i guess they start telling you they need the loo and holding onto it until they are on the loo? That's what ds does anyway. It has it's benefits, but is a pain in the ass too in a wobbly, uncoordinated boy that can't take his own clothes off.

Why do men need such a long time on the loo? Ds incidently is just like his dad, when he's on the loo he'll happily sit there for 15 mins with a book or something, singing away quite happiy to himself. Bizarre

WriterofDreams Sat 20-Nov-10 10:36:53

I'm quite surprised that your LO is allowed into the bathroom when your DH is in there. It wouldn't be typical in my family to allow that. Can ds not use the potty in the kitchen? I know it's not ideal but hygiene wise it's quite safe and eliminates the need to burst in on someone in the bathroom. If the tables were turned and you were having a poo, would you be ok with DH coming in and dumping DS on you?

If the issue is with having 20 mins peace, why not just go off and have a bath, lock the door and leave DH to look after DS?

rubyrubyruby Sat 20-Nov-10 10:36:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:37:12

chocolate and pickles, we need to talk. Maybe if we put our heads together we can come up with some kind of dh toilet training, to gently encourage shorter toilet visits . Would distraction help? Like fake a small grenade in the kitchen, and when he rushes out of the loo, then praise him and encourage him lots for having a short poo? Would that work do you think? Any other ideas?

Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:40:57

how old is your LO writer? When should I start teaching ds that then?

Is dh's idea of leaving potty outside door a goer then I wonder?

Why are you supposed to know all these things? Gah. I need a degree or two in being a mum and partner. Tis a minefield.

That's for the sympathy ruby. oh for a second bathroom, with a big bathtub, twenty miles away.

Bobbiesmum Sat 20-Nov-10 10:46:02

Mine goes at least 3 times a day for 20 odd mins, i phone and newspaper in tow. Drives me mad. I go with 2 babies hanging off my leg. YANBU at all!

Digggers Sat 20-Nov-10 10:57:32

and forgot to say writer, yes i'm OK with ds coming in and using the potty when i'm on the loo. It's not ideal, but i figure it won't be forever, and I think that it's actually quite good to encourage his natrual curiousity about using the loo. He get's quite excited when me or dh go to the toilet, does the toilet sign, tries to say wee or poo and claps us. Why would I hate that? He's learning, that makes me happy.

Is that weird?

WriterofDreams Sat 20-Nov-10 11:23:44

It's not weird at all Diggers, in fact it's great that he's so interested and clued in. My LO isn't born yet but I am much older than my younger sister and so was very involved in bringing her up as well as my million or so cousins (huge Irish family). The policy of one person in the toilet at a time has always been in force (unless said person is the only one looking after the baby, rare in my family!!). Of course the best place to have the potty is in the bathroom but your boy seems really bright so I'd imagine he'll understand if you say "Daddy's in there" and hand him the potty to use somewhere else. I would think he'll have no problem using it somewhere else whether it's just outside the bathroom or in the kitchen. It's far too early yet to expect him to wait, but as he gets older you can phase out the potty and train him to wait a while.

Out of interest, what currently happens if you have a visitor in the toilet and he needs to go?

onceamai Sat 20-Nov-10 12:11:55

Check before poo if anyone else needs the loo first. If not go to loo and lock door. If potty required during that time, it can be used elsewhere and dealt with straight away afterwards. I would be minded to place potty immediately outside loo and let the pooer deal with the contents when finished.

Saucepanman Sat 20-Nov-10 13:01:04

Diggers, my DH does this and it fucks me off big time! He has stopped locking the door though. Don't really get the whole hysteria at entering the bathroom whilst a member of your close immediate family is in there, it's not like I inspect his poo! Am afraid nagging every time seems to be the only way in our house.

toddlerwrangler Sat 20-Nov-10 13:02:36

Oh god, please do NOT get me started on Mr Toddlewranglers epic poo sessions.

Paper? Check.

Mobile? Check.

Spare magazine for when he has finished with paper and mobile? Check.

The immortal words 'Are you ok to have him while I go for a quick poo?' . Check.

Image in my of me beating him over the head with a steak mallet whilst I remember all the days I never got to even pee? Check.

fizzpops Sat 20-Nov-10 13:05:11

Your DH is being unreasonable not to have kept an eye on DS...

... and not to have eaten more fibre. A poo that takes 20 minutes is clearly unhealthy.

WriterofDreams Sat 20-Nov-10 13:12:08

I am a total prude clearly. The thought of anyone (besides a small baby of course) being in the bathroom while I poo horrifies me. I even find it hard to poo in public toilets if someone is in the next cubicle!

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