AIBU to really dislike the majority of weddings?

[marantha]

Although I will freely admit to thinking marriage is important from a legal point of view, I do not think that being married bears any relation to how much the couple love each other. I base this upon the fact that many couples I know who cohabit are devoted to one another and many couples I know who are married despise each other.

So I do not see why there is such a big deal and romantic nonsense made out of the act of getting married.
Truth be told, it annoys the s* out of me when people get caught up in the act of planning their wedding and make it into a major affair that costs their average salary.
This may have been acceptable in the past when getting married genuinely was a life-changing occasion (but even then there seemed to be less fuss) but in an age where couples cohabit and even have children before getting wed it is a farce when such a big deal is made out of it.
I get sick of the way that these monsters brides-to-be smugly talk of 'tradition' as regards their wedding when their behaviour in the past has been er, very UNtraditional.
Not that I give a monkey's that they've slept with an entire rugby team, but it is galling when they become all high and mighty about what it 'right' and 'traditional' about their wedding.
I also despise the way that the bride becomes totally absorbed in her 'big day' - there does not seem to be any realisation on her part that -apart from her and her groom and close family and friends- nobody gives a toss.
Everyone around her has to go along with the nonsense. And if a person is foolish enough to accept an invite, all sorts of demands will be placed on the guest and all sorts of rude behaviour will follow- sending the wedding list out with the invitation, for example
AIBU?

[moondog]

I couldn't give a hoot about weddings (as in the ceremony) either but life is punctuated by these rituals which bring people together as do funerals, christening, church and so on.

Without them most peopel would spend thier entie life indoors slumped in front of the tv in trakkie bottoms.

[Rockbird]

Wow...

A) you sound charming, you must be on so many guest lists and b) I have never come across a bride or situation as you describe in all my 39 years. You need to change your friends and family. Or maybe you're well suited?

[thefurryone]

You can think what you want but I think you're being incredibly judgemental and it does say something about you that you only have bad things to say about what should be such a happy occassion.

My marriage is much more important to me than it's legal status and we saw our wedding as a celebration that we shared with as many of our family and friends as we could. Planning a wedding or any party on that scale is pretty time consuming so it's not surprising that many people become a little bit absorbed by it (if you don't want to listen change the subject). I have enjoyed and been grateful to attend every wedding that I've been to and I like to think that I put on a good day for my guests, and truly hope that those that didn't 'give a toss' were polite enough to turn down my invitation.

[expatinscotland]

Too right! I couldn't agree more.

[ginhag]

Crikey, that was quite a rant...are there really that many 'monsters' doing things that you're 'sick of', 'despise' etc????

Maybe you should decline all wedding invitations as a general rule... Doesn't sound like they are good for your blood pressure!

I think YABU for being quite so full of venom about the whole thing. It's only a wedding ffs. If you really feel that you don't give a toss then maybe you shouldn't go (for everyone's sake!)

[gapbear]

Oooh, I'm torn on this one. YANBU in what you describe, but I've never known anyone actually get all bridezilla about their wedding.

On a personal level, we spent about eight hundred quid all told on our wedding (which we did on a pre-arranged holiday), did it all ourselves and every guest had a role to play.

We went down the 'no presents' route, because we'd been together for years beforehand, but I personally don't object to wedding lists coming with the invitation. Saves on postage, doesn't it? And everyone I know has things for pennies on it, as well as all the Dartford crystal or whatever. So, on the other hand, YABU.

To sum up - YANBU re: hypocritical bridezillas who spend a squillion pounds on one day, YABU re: gift lists

[monkeyfacegrace]

Haha, my first wedding was a 50k castle affair, £100 per min firework, the lot.

Next May Im doing it again, but this time, as a drive thru in Las Vegas

Wanna come?!

[marantha]

OK, this is the 'AIBU' part so I don't expect anyone to agree with me.
People are right; I should just (politely) refuse any invites that come my way.
If I had known in advance that there was going to be a wedding list sent out with invite, I would have politely refused, but my mum told be that I was to be invited 'on the grapevine' before issuing of formal invites and I said 'yes'.

[40deniertights]

Think it depends on your background etc as well. Everyone I know is married, definitely before they have dc. I am not criticising btw, it just happens to be the case. Hardly anyone I know in any generation is divorced either. As such, we all do give a stuff when we go to a wedding and no one has been bridezilla either. YANBU if you have experienced people who have a more materialistic attitide to weddings, but it is not like that for everyone.

[going]

I had been with my husband for 11 years and havd three children together before we got married. I felt the need to get married to make our relationship legal. We eloped in Vegas which was fantastic - I really didn't expect being married to make a differnce but it has, hard to describe how but it was a lot more meaningful than we both expected.

[expatinscotland]

I don't mind wedding lists. It's demands for money that make me send in a polite 'No'.

If you have everything you need, as you've lived together for years, then you don't need a gift of any sort.

Can't afford a honeymoon? Don't have one then until you can. Can't afford a big wedding? Go to the registry.

[wubblybubbly]

I've not been to one of these weddings in years, but I don't disagree really.

We'd lived together and had a child before getting married. We wanted to get married for legal reasons more than anything and would've happily popped down the registry office then off to to the pub.

In the end we booked a cricket pavillion and a bus to get folk there, a few bottles of wine, some nice grub and a lovely chilled out day.

No wedding list, no child ban, no dress code, no hanging about for hours for photos, just a nice way to spend the day with family and friends.

[onimolap]

To paraphrase "Yes Minister": It's one of those irregular verbs:

I'm taking the necessary time/effort to plan a major celebration.

You're a tad self-absorbed.

She's a complete bridezilla.

[TrillianAstra]

Do you have rather unusual friends? Or have you just been watching too much wedding-related tv?

I think weddings are in general lovely.

[TrillianAstra]

Of the recent weddings I have been to the one where the bride/groom were virgins was less enjoyable - largely because of the smuggedy smug smuggo vicar (who they had especially chosen, he didn't just come with the church).

[marantha]

I don't know if I've got unusual friends- I was a bit when a recent friend got married miles and miles and miles from where majority of her family and friends lived, but her choice and I can't say I was too annoyed by it. Although it was a bit flat as a wedding (in spite of expense) because few people made effort to travel 8-hour round trip for it.
Just bad judgement on her part, I think. No hard feelings, though.
And in all fairness to her, there was no mention of gifts at all on her part.
This wedding list business in the same envelope as invite really has got my back up, though.

[monstermissy]

It annoys me when people opt for a church wedding under the eyes of god when they have never set foot in a church in their life and are not remotely religious. Same goes for christening babies when you are not religious. I'm not a massive fan of weddings soo much money. Who wants to pay 40 quid a head for people that you rarely see or old relatives whom you ought to invite etc

[marantha]

thesecondcoming Look, please don't make this into a cohabitation/marriage thing, I have already said in opening post that I view marriage as a purely legal affair, so there is no need to get annoyed about this.

[TrillianAstra]

Weddding list with the invite is not new and IMO it makes perfect sense.

90+% of the people who accept the invitation will then ask 'do you have a wedding list?' so it's much more efficient to answer that question in advance.

A wedding list is not a demand for gifts, it just says 'if you would like to give us a gift (as most people do when attending a wedding) here are some suggestions'

[fluffles]

i've got a small and very far distributed family - if i hadn't just got married and my cousin before me then the only time we'd have all got together in the last ten years would have been at funerals!

maybe that makes us a crap family but in my book a wedding is an event that people will make the effort to attend and then once there always spend the night saying 'why don't we do this more often?'

but then i am unusual on mumsnet in actually LIKING my friends and most of my family.