To be pissed off?(17 Posts)
Lying in bed wide awake waiting for dh to return from a work night out. He first said he'd be gone for "a couple of drinks" and may miss the dcs bedtime. I was fine about this. When he wasn't home by half seven I called to see if he wanted any supper or I should just make it myself. He seemed to have had no intention of letting me know what he was doing, but had had chips and wad not coming back for dinner. Still I was fine about it, said have a nice time, asked when he might return (having listened to his friends from work saying "ooh (insert dh's name) you've been naughty you're in trouble...") He said that he would prob get last train home at ten to eleven. He clearly didn't as he isn't home. This would all be annoying but sort of ok if it weren't for the fact that I am taking the dcs (2.2 and 5 months) up to Scotland for a week tomorow to stay with my parents. So he will have a whole week "off", already has a big night out in London planned tomorrow night with friends and hasn't bloody bothered coming home.
Meanwhile I (who have not had a full nights sleep in FIVE MONTHS) am sat at home waiting for him to come home worrying about him.
If he us fine, which I sincerely hope he is, l will be SO pissed of with him. I have phoned him, but no reply. Naively I thought he might wish to see me before I went away, but clearly a week without us is not long enough. I feel so hurt and I just know I won't be able to express it without sounding like miser.
That should say like A miser (and various other typos I was too upset to notice).
Just text saying "are you ok?" as no answer when I phone. Got the response "not bad at all. Back soon (ish)". Am I just being really pathetic or is that totally crap? Am now sitting on my own in tears and feel so upset. Maybe I'm just being totally over the top. Feel free to tell me if I am.
I'd be pissed off (hurt actually) too if this is how he'd chosen to spend the night before I went away for a week, especially as it wasn't pre-planned and not for anything special.
If it was a normal week I wouldn't mind, but would expect him to be contactable and to let me know how he was getting home if he missed the last train.
The last thing you need right now is to be getting even less sleep worrying about him.
If he's missed the last train - how is he getting home?
No you ANBU he is being a twat. Unfortunately blokes don't seem to realise that they will miss you until you are about to drive off. My DP sounds very similar.
How is everything else? What do you get out of being with this man?
I don't think you're being totally unreasonable, perhaps a bit out of perspective, but then if you're going away tomorrow for a week I can see how it'd hurt you for him not to make an effort to see you and your DC.
I can also understand how you can get sucked into having more to drink than you initially planned, and staying out later.
I think him staying out on it's own isn't too much of a problem, but when it's coupled with you going away the pissed up part of him has perhaps been making excuses in his head, like 'I'll see them tomorrow before they go' (forgetting he'll have a hangover) and 'I did say I'll be going out'.
If you're away for a week try not to leave on a shitty note or you'll just be more upset, you can store up his misdemeanor for use in a future argument?
He'll prob get a taxi which will not be cheap. It's also annoying knowing I'll be being painted as the naggy wife, which I really don't think is in any way fair. Chipping in - thanks for your response, helps to know I'm not the only one who'd be upset by this.
Zig zag - very good point, I'll def try to leave it on a good note tomorrow so we can all have a good week.
Also re. perspective - that is something I am struggling with at the moment. Lack of sleep can make everything seem horrendous. Partly why I'm posting on here! But also partly why I'm so annoyed because I could really have done with a bit of sleep before tomorrows epic journey, but have been too wound up. Dd will wake up for a feed pretty soon anyway.
What are your parents like? Will you be able to leave them to it and get some sleep?
Where abouts in Scotland are you going to? How are you getting there?
(I'm going up early next year so I'm on a bit of an information gathering crusade right now!!)
I can really sypathise with the lack of sleep (cheers DD2 ), it's really not nice seeing the clock tick away knowing you've only got so much time before they wake up again, not very relaxing to put it mildly.
I wasn't making excuses for him, but could his being pissed have a bearing on what decisions he's taking. I mean, I know alcohol affects your brain, but if he's normally a thoughtful and kind person it'd make the difference.
Parents will definitely help. Hpefully may even get a little lie in on Sunday. We're going to Aberdeenshire, flying Luton to Aberdeen. Done it before but not with both children. Scary!
He is definitely drunk. He was when we talked at half seven so def will be now! He is usually pretty thoughtful and kind for the most part.
I do know how you feel, but I also agree with tutu100, my OH is always very blasé when I go away, but as Im actually leaving. . very different story
Are your parents the type that will spoil you rotten? (I hope so)
If so just focus on that.
It is so easy having had 1/2 drinks to lose perspective; for example I need to be up very early in the morning, but having had a glass or 3 of very nice white wine, I have managed to persuade myself that posting hee at nearly 1am is fine. Ill be fine.
Thanks all of you-feeling a lot better for reading your responses. Going to go and try to get some sleep now. Happy weekends to you all!
I hope you have a lovely week with your parents
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