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to be get annoyed at being called Mrs..?

(290 Posts)
bubbles22 Thu 18-Nov-10 16:09:58

I have always kept my own name and so use Ms, although I am married.

This means I am Ms X, DH is Mr Y and my boys surname is Y too.

It always causes confusion and I am for ever being called Mrs X. This makes me sound like I am desperate to cling to a previous married name!

What do other ms's do when you get called Mrs? Do you ignore or correct? It sounds pedantic yet it feels really annoying. If I wanted to be a Mrs I would have become a Mrs Y.

AIBU to pick people up on it?

pjmama Thu 18-Nov-10 16:13:36

It's an assumption people make as I guess it's still more common for a wife to become Mrs. Unless you want to wear a tshirt with your correct name emblazoned at all times, you'll either have to live with it or correct people. Personally I'd probably correct people who I'm likely to be in contact with regularly, but let it go for one offs. Depends how much it annoys you!

eachpeach80 Thu 18-Nov-10 16:14:00

Yanbu to put people right but it is a fairly reasonable assumption for them to make unless they know already.

notnowbernard Thu 18-Nov-10 16:14:35


Am not married but live with DP and we have DC

But there's something about being called "Mrs" I just can't abide I always correct people

I don't know why it irritates, but it doesconfused

LoudRowdyDuck Thu 18-Nov-10 16:15:18

No, I think it's quite right to pick people up on it, but you shouldn't be too cross if they couldn't have known. It's still a logical mistake to make.

I would certainly be more pissed off about being called Mrs X - it'd be my mum's name!

MumInBeds Thu 18-Nov-10 16:16:32

I'm sure there are just as many women who would be offended at being called a Ms when they are a Mrs so people can't win the first time but they should get it right the first time.

frgr Thu 18-Nov-10 16:16:38

I'm a Ms.

Although I changed my name about a year or so after the wedding, along with my husband, to Mr X-Y and Ms X-Y. Children are the same.

If anyone asks me "is it miss or mrs" i just reply "it's neither. it's ms. emm esss." with a polite smile - no point getting irritated, as those are what most people use

if it's wrong on an account, i ask for them to correct it. i make it clear that it's wrong.

if it's on the phone, i generally don't correct, it's too much hassle.

i did get arsey with british gas who insisted on calling me Mrs X though... I have never EVER been or told them my name as anything other than Ms X-Y, so why their call centre employees and billing dept has decreed that my name is different is quite offensive!

so, generally i correct as politely as i can

(I did once have to ask to put Mr on my account name in a shop though, Ms wasn't an option on their computer system hmm although this was amusing and I asked if their system programmer was from the 1950s, i refused to answer if i was married or not - they wouldn't ask a male customer would they? entirely irrelevant.)

MumInBeds Thu 18-Nov-10 16:17:13

Maybe we should all abandon titles altogether and be done with it.

frgr Thu 18-Nov-10 16:18:58

MumInBeds, but how would girls signal that they're ripe for the plucking? grin <vom>

We would have to pass a law making wedding rings compulsary without exception, then.

BendyBob Thu 18-Nov-10 16:21:26

It never seems to me as thought the 'Ms' title has ever really clicked in the collective mind.

Of course it's understandable that some women may wish to use it. Hell it's a free country and all that, but I suspect the problem could be quite simple one - it's actually kind of hard to say Ms clearly and people tend to default to the familiar words they know when speaking quickly.

By all means use it, but I think you might have to accept that it inevitably will mean you are correcting people a lot but yanbu to do so.

treas Thu 18-Nov-10 16:25:42

I'm sorry to say that the title Ms sets my teeth on edge - quite frankly I prefer not to use a title where possible which is 99.9% of the time.

Everyone refers to me by my first name including all dc's friends, I use their's so they can use mine.

LoudRowdyDuck Thu 18-Nov-10 16:26:13

Well, it hasn't been around all that long, has it? I reckon if we all keep correcting people it will become more familiar and seem more normal.

It's only hard to say because in general, when you say it you are clarifying so are putting an unnatural stress on the word.

MumInBeds Thu 18-Nov-10 16:26:38

frgr Blurgh! grin

LLKH Thu 18-Nov-10 16:26:40

No, YANBU. As you point out, if you had wanted to be Mrs. Y, you would have changed your name.

I have the opposite problem. I am a Mrs. X and no one has ever called me Mrs. X. I must admit, I feel a smidge disappointed by this as I love my married surname and I wish people would use it.

Point being, people should be allowed to be called what they wish to be called.

BigWelt Thu 18-Nov-10 16:29:04

YABU How the fuck are these poor people supposed to know what you want to be called.

frgr Thu 18-Nov-10 16:31:07

well, BigWelt, if I told you my name was Alison, and you insisted on calling me Elly, I would correct you. You might even ask me my name when I called you, or met you for the first time. Certainly if you were interacting with me on behalf of a company you'd probably ask my name. If it was as friends and you addressed letters to me, I'd correct you politely.

See how it might work with titles? shock

BlingLoving Thu 18-Nov-10 16:33:32

I politely correct people. Except when it's on the phone and the person calling has mangled the entire call already - then I just get irritated.

Agree that if it's a once off and I'll never see or speak to the person again, I let it go.

Had to correct the midwife recently who automatically put me as Mrs on my booking in notes.

marantha Thu 18-Nov-10 16:34:40

If married, then it is reasonable for people to assume you are a 'Mrs'.
Now if you correct them and inform them otherwise and theY still call you 'Mrs' then they are wrong. But until that happens YABU.

scoobytoo Thu 18-Nov-10 16:35:08

I am the same but my other half often gets called Mr (my surname) so it works both ways. What annoys me is when my family ignore the fact that I didn't change my name because they are traditionalist and don't ubderstand it

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Thu 18-Nov-10 16:35:36


I kept maiden name when I married. As I am married I am not a Miss and as I am not married to my father Mr. Schwarzkopf I am not a Mrs. either.

I always correct people. Never had a problem except once. Some assistant at a well known clothing store that I won't name (Oasis) moaned when I asked her to change it on the store-card. "What's the difference anyway?" she grumped.

Agree that I always go First Name. Surname where possible. Inspired by Cher in Mask!

MoralDefective Thu 18-Nov-10 16:36:22

I'm a Ms.
However DCs have DPs surname (we are not married).
School etc have always called me Mrs (DCS surname).
I don't bother correcting them as it's a reasonable assumption.
Doctors iritate me though as my own surname and title are in my notes..BT and other bills that are in my name should also get it right.

soggy14 Thu 18-Nov-10 16:37:37

YANBU I hate it as well

minipie Thu 18-Nov-10 16:40:24

Hmmm. I'm another Ms X who often gets called Mrs Y.

I try not to get annoyed because I know it's a fair enough assumption to make, as the vast majority of women in England do become "Mrs Y" on marriage.

If it's a bank or similar I will correct as I want their records to be right. If it's a friend or acquaintance usually I won't bother - in general it's only Christmas cards and other written material where the issue comes up as I am always called by my first name otherwise - and in those situations there isn't an obvious opportunity to correct them anyway, I am hardly going to call up and say "You addressed your Christmas card wrongly"...!

SantasMooningArse Thu 18-Nov-10 16:40:40

I went to DH's name but I was sat there today thinking how I am NOT Mrs / Missus / peachy / Your Wife / Wifey etc.....

Thought about posting on facebook but suspected FIL would imagine an impending divorce LOL

I am a separate entity, always was, always will be. I ahve my own name by which I prefer to be addressed, Clair, loathe formality and do not wish to be referred to as a sub version of DH.

If I married now i wouldn;t take his name at all but wisdom 9and atttude) grows with age I guess.

BigWelt Thu 18-Nov-10 16:41:15

Well Elly, a lot of people are used to the old fashioned ideas and aren't used to your fancy ways.

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