To be really angry and upset by this article about how this mum is raising her daugheter

[lollypoplady]

t-VERY-modern-14-year-old-Tattoos-piercings-drinki ng-alcohol.html this
Firstly, I don't actually read the daily mail, just having a sneaky perv !
Secondly the reason it makes so upset is it is exactly how I was brought up by my mother and it has been affecting me ever since, I am now 27.
My mother was an extremely liberal head teacher and I was allowed to drink, smoke, take drugs and stay out all night & sleep with men from the age of around 14. I had a tattoo and piercing on my 14th birthday. I had no boundaries and ended up getting raped by an older man, sexually assaulted by another and ended up with a bad drug and alcohol problem which went on until I was around 23. I have been in counselling on and off ever since and can happily say I now have my life back on track, 2 wonderful children and another on the way. I think the way this mother is raising her daughter is unforgivable and 14 is way too young to be allowed to have free rein, she is still a CHILD ffs.

[Vallhala]

Funnily enough my Step-sister and Step-brother were brought up similarly, if not QUITE so liberally (my father's wife is a prude so the sex element was a taboo subject).

My step-sister was also raped by an older man she met in a pub and placed her trust in at age 15 and has been smoking since the age of 12 or 13 with her mother's consent (my/our father dodn't have a say in anything). She's now in her thirties and was last time I saw her three years or so ago still absolutely addicted to cigarettes. She has always blamed her mother for buying them for her when she was a child, using them as a bribe to do the washing up or hoovering a room. The mother's theory was that she would rather her children did these things in front of her than do them behind her back, as they were bound to do them anyway.

Her brother went one further and having raped and abused her repeatedly from when she was about 12 went on to choose a life of hard drugs, alcohol and crime.

[Bloodymary]

She actually used to BUY her cigarettes.
FFS how crazy is that.

[Vallhala]

Yep.

Oh, the tales I could tell! She's crazy alright, the evil fecking poison dwarf.

Dad wasn't allowed to discipline Her children either.

Allowed to be a house husband, cook, clean, care for them, do the school runs, attend the parents evenings, go to meetings when the lass was being bullied, take them out... but not discipline them, because they weren't his children.

[FindingMyMojo]

YANBU - my experiences were similar to you OP. I would have loved some boundaries, interest, and a little discipline & think I would have had a much more positive teenage years (and subsequently much less troubled 20's) if I had been properly parented rather than left to get on with it on my own (I was seen as a 'good girl' with a good head on her shoulders - hahahahahaha!!!!) I don't think it was because my parents were particularly liberal - more lazy I reckon. Letting me take care of myself without any boundaries or restrictions was the easy way for them.

[Sidge]

Well she's not really raising her is she? That word implies some direction, guidance, nurturing and active parental input.

She's leaving her to make her own decisions by the sounds of it, do what she likes when she likes. It's hands off parenting to the extreme.

[OnceUponA]

Oh the mother is foul anyway, they were on TV a few months ago, about pageants. Quite grabby for press attention I think.

[thumbwitch]

What an utterly depressing article. That mother has got severe issues - all she cares about is her DD's "safety" - ha! what about her safety from predatory men, internet perverts, liver disease from drinking from such a young age, STDs, HIV from tattoos (any tattooist who breaks the law to tattoo a 14yo isn't going to be 100% trustworthy on the H&S aspects, if you ask me)? Giving her daughter this amount of licence might seem "cool" now but it's going to bite them both in the arse in the not-too-distant future.

My MIL has a friend who brought her only DD up as more of a "best friend" than a daughter - that girl got married to a man more than twice her age when she was 18, divorced him a year later, immediately got pg with another man's child, had that one and then got together with and married a different man. Had 2 DC with this man (who was a half decent bloke, had a job, took on the first DC as his own BUT also had at least 2 other children with 2 other women) and NOW she is divorcing him as well - and she is only 23!! She is back living with and off her mum, who despairs of the situation but facilitates all her brattish behaviours, and subsidises her DD when she refuses to work. She has all 3 DC in full time childcare but no job - and she is already seeing other men.

Now, if that's the sort of life anyone wants for their DD, this is the way to bring her up. I'd not choose it myself.

[EricNorthmansMistress]

YANBU (haven't read link yet) but reminds me of that poor girl (Scarlett?) who was raped and murdered in India aged 15 when her 'mother' fecked off and left her there. I know people whose 'parents' were like this and I work with children of 'parents' like this and it's pretty abusive. The father of one boy taught him to smoke and inhale aged 12, they later found photos of him and other younger DCs smoking on his computer, down to photoshopped images of babies with cigarettes. Serves the 'parent's' needs somehow to have their DCs behaving in certain ways. fucked up.

[thumbwitch]

Sorry if I came over too judgey about MIL's friend there - I guess it might not sound too bad to outsiders who haven't met this girl and seen the way she treats everyone (including her mum). As DH says, she's a real piece of work.

[LaWeaselMys]

Doesn't sound like she's doing her daughter any favours does it?

[TorcherQueenie]

YANBU shes got a facebook fan page and the comments on there from older men are scary. Theres also been a comment from thats life wanting to run a story. Shes got so much time to be a grown up why start now?

[RunawayChristmasTree]

She is exactly the reason some people should not be allowed to have children

[wahine12]

Isn't this pathetic little story just an attempt to bolster her modelling career?

She's obviously attention-seeking and has undergone a major makeover since the 'last time this reporter met her' when she was a straight-A student with a scholarship to a private girls' school. At that point she was a glamour queen beauty pageant with 'hundreds of pounds worth of fake diamonds'. Funnily enough she's now a rock-vixen with tats and a wild lifestyle. I guess if that gets her a modelling/acting/celeb story contract and that's what she (her mother) wants then she is going the right way about it. Personally I think the girl is being manipulated to fulfil her mother's dreams vicariously. The mother desperately wants to be famous and the daughter desperately wants her mother to love her.

Really lazy journalism. I guess they have to fill up the pages somehow.

[Porcelain]

Although I wouldn't condone her mother's methods (and I have a massive bugbear about underage tattooing, as it drags down the whole tattooing community, as well as being illegal, but that is another issue) I had a very strict upbringing, and also got involved with, and sexually abused by older men; I portion a certain amount of blame on my mother for never speaking to me about sex and relationships, and thus not giving me the tools and understanding to protect myself, so it's not all that clear cut IMHO.

[nemofish]

The 'rock chick' hair, tattoos etc don't shock me

However I think her mum can't be arsed protecting and sheltering her daughter

My mother and stepdad 'planned' to buy cannabis and show me how to skin up when I was 12

I smoked cannabis at 14

Got bought a double bed at 15, although in all fairness it was for me and my boyfriend who was a very lovely guy, my age

I was date raped at 16 / 17, older man, god knows why he thought having a girlfriend who was still at school was acceptable

Had no boundaries, ever, nothing was ever taboo

Money for pub / gigs (adult) from 14 onwards

My mother couldn't understand why she couldn't find a suspender belt set to fit me when I was 11. Ffs.

I'll shut up now before I start going me, me, me

[LightlyKilledCrunchyFrog]

This is my favourite part.

"It is difficult not to wonder whether things would have been different if Sophie had grown up as a daddy?s girl.
After all, it is often fathers who feel most keenly the urge to preserve their daughters? innocence.
But Sophie has had no contact with her father for more than ten years. Nor has there been a male influence in her life since Joy separated from her second husband at the end of last year."

It's because she's a single mother, see, not because she's a misguided crazy person with delusions living her life through her child. Obviously. Well done, Daily Mail, I would have thought it was some kind of comment on society's premature sexualisation of young girls, but actually, it's because single mothers are idiots. Excellent.

[onceamai]

I removed DS from a nursery in a primary because the HT held views similar to those you describe. YANBU

[CaveMum]

As I've said on another thread re. this topic, I am shocked that the mother thinks it is acceptable for her daughter to not take her GCSE's (though she says it hasn't been decided yet).

Depriving her daughter of an education (and therefore the ability to support herself with a decent job) is just as bad as the tattoos/piercings/under-age sex etc.

[cory]

Stick to beat single mothers with, stick to beat home educators with. Never mind that there are plenty of abusive, clueless married couples. Oh and no child is ever introduced to early sexualisation by her father

[poshsinglemum]

My exes mum trried to be his mate and bought him an ounce of hash for his 16th birthday. We thought it was cool at the time but now I am
They are no longer speaking. It dosn't work if you try to be a peer to your child.
She also enabled and encouraged his narcasism and abusive behaviour but that's another story.

As a single mum I shall be very strict about drugs and alchohol and have a zero tolerance policy.

[poshsinglemum]

But I shall also talk openly about them and talk about my experiences but make sure that they are not condoned under my roof.

[LaWeaselMys]

I thought that too cory.

She is still bonkers though

[thumbwitch]

poshsinglemum - great idea although I'd be a little wary of letting them know too much about your own experiences - I know you're aiming to use it as the voice of experience, but depending on the type of teen they are, they might just see it as utter hypocrisy on your part. You could always cheat and use your experiences but say it happened to a girl you used to know - that might be a safer option?

[gorionine]

The mum needs serious prioritising if she thinks that letting her daughter have sex with different partners (4 in the last 6 month only), Have tatoos/piercing, smoke and drink alcohol is an ideal way to keep her safe.

I do not think that the situation is as it is because mum is a single mum though. You would think that if the mum was saying " I cannot cope on my own so I let her do what she wants" and it is definitely not what I get when reading the article. I get "This is my very thought about education plan for my daughter" IYSWIM. My guess is things would not be too different if dad was there.